Why xenolith. WHY

Recently (see: everyday at work for the past week or so) Avalon and I have been Sporcling.  Sporcle is a website that supplies us with quizzes upon quizzes, forcing us to use our brain, all while being timed.  Come to think of it, it sounds as if it’d be the activity of spooning and sprinkling (cupcakes?) at the same time…sadly, this is not the case. Sporcle, I believe, is actually Latin for “I have so much to do! But I think I will Sporcle instead…it’s 5 already? Where did my day go?”. Yes.  It means ALL OF THAT.

Regardless, there are a couple of quizzes Avalon and I have been playing RELENTLESSLY. One would think, why do they keep playing only 2 games? Oh my  dear DEAR friends. Play it once and it will drive you insane. So much insane, that you’ll keep playing it over and over because it baffles you that you cannot type xenolith without first doing xenlioth. Ugh, I wish my frustration was more noticeable via text. Because I am very frustrated. If anyone can get more than 50 words, please tell me. I hit that peak yesterday, and am afraid I will a) never hit it again and b) never complete the game (it’s 52 words, seriously I can’t get 2 more words in? UGH xenolith).

http://www.sporcle.com/games/HenryFieldstone/typingchallenge

And if you are feeling ballsy, try the other one.

http://www.sporcle.com/games/HenryFieldstone/typingchallenge2

When we are not Sporcling, we are eating OR thinking about eating. Now I know that Avalon gave y’all the 411 on our new “diet”. I am here now to give y’all my personal update:

I failed within 10 minutes.

In my defense I didn’t mean to. I am a creature of habit when it comes to my morning smoothies and forget that Carnation Instant Breakfast (uhm I know, I am such a child) is a milk product. MY B. So naturally I pouted cause I really don’t like failing (see above Sporcle game rant for validation). However the rest of the day I was the poster child for Veganism (word?). Last night I even made this delicious avocado recipe. The recipe does call for olive oil, but because I am CRAZY I substituted it for applesauce. Please don’t make a face, it was honestly really good! I figured its just there for moisture anyway, so why not try applesauce? I don’t know. There really is no rhyme or reason to anything I do. It also called for lemon juice, but since the applesauce is semi sweet already I skipped that step too. ANYWAYS ’twas delicious. Even if you’re not pulling an Oprah and going Vegan for a week, you should try it!

One down side I found out last night to being a vegan…Nutella is out of the question. I KNOW, I cried a little too! Obviously it has skim milk in it. I am sure there is some sort of vegan Nutella copycat out there, although I will not scout it out because I can have a little bit of self control and not have any for a mere 7 days. I can’t wait until next Tuesday until I can grab a spoon and have a date with my Nutella. I wish I was joking.

-T

BTW thought this was adorable, in reference to my Sporcle/Sprinkle comment. I died. Also, this reminds me. I need to look up a recipe for vegan cupcakes…I am obviously now craving them.

If Oprah Said Jump Off a Cliff, Would You???

In a word? Yes.

Just kidding.

While I do enjoy me some O, I am not the avid follower. Contrary to this blog and the entire entry I wrote on “Oprah’s Favorite Things” I do not love up on this woman like many women around the world do. I catch the occasional show, notice the occasional weight gain, and laugh at the jokes made about her on The Soup every Friday. Every once in awhile I look at the cover of the book I am reading and notice a gigantic circle that screams “OPRAH’S BOOK CLUB SELECTION” and I am immediately ashamed as I simultaneously rip the cover off.

But I digress.

Recently I had a snow day [HALLELUJAH] and I spent every second of it doing nothing. I sat on the couch and tried to channel my Matilda powers to get some food from the kitchen. During one of these non-successful attempts I found the Oprah show, and the special they were doing on being vegan. While I openly scoff at vegans, I have always been interested, because I eat basically nothing. I don’t love meat or milk, and the majority of my diet consists of cereal [because I am 7]. Oprah LOUDLY explained that along with her staff, she decided to go vegan for a week. Well. If Oprah can do it, so can I.

Taryn and I decided we would go vegan for a week, starting today. We aren’t necessarily wrapped up in animal rights and Taryn would slice someone open for a nice piece of steak, but we can’t turn down a challenge. So we will update you on our progress, because I know ya’ll are DYING to know.

A fun item for today? I tried So Delicious coconut milk yogurt, and it was actually DELIGHTFUL. It was basically strawberry coconut yogurt fusions deliciousness. Try it out!

-A

PS

Last night for dinner I had a cheese burger, mac and cheese bites, and potato skins with bacon on it. A last meal of sorts…

DELUSIONAL?! MY HUSBAND IS FAMOUS.

Hello my little snowballs.

Recently [yesterday], my little state was hit with yet another dumb storm/extreme snowpocalypse. We obviously don’t need more snow which is evident by watching the news [or stepping outside]. The latest news worthy snow-related scandal was that plow and dumb trucks were ILLEGALLY DUMPING SNOW IN THE RIVER! How DARE they.

But in reality, who can blame them? There is not a parking lot or deserted field left to put the unwanted, unneeded, unwarranted snow, proven by the 20 feet snow drifts as far as the eye can see. It is getting ridiculous, I move we stop this snow.

Moving on.

Today on our hands we have our first ever [drum roll please] BLOG REQUEST. That’s right ladies and ladies [let’s keep it real], a reader wants our take on something! Someone cares! So per this request, the entry today will center mostly around the most ridiculous thing to hit pop culture yet somehow go under the radar since Wendy Williams.

Who is this person you ask with bated breath? It’s Camille Grammer Obviously.

Who is Camille Grammer you ask? According to her Wikipedia page she is a television personality, dancer, actor and model. According to me she is a gold digging psycho path.

I mean look at her? Doesn’t she just ooze crazy?

She is mostly known for being married to Kelsey Grammer, however if you said that to her face she’d rip your eyes out like a banshee. You can see that in her eyes, can’t you?

In order to try and beef her name up as more than just some random guy’s wife, Camille joined the cast of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. I’ve said it before and I will say it again, I am in LOVE with Bravo television. I love all their dumb shows, and I watch them all pretty religiously. I love all the Real Housewives because my mind is baffled that people like this exist in the world. It is kind of like watching Planet Earth: Ocean Deep and all of the creatures skimming the ocean floor that you never even knew about. Fascinating.

But I digress, today I will happily provide you all with a list of reasons while MRS. Grammer is the craziest lady out there right now. Emphasis on the MRS. because it is imperative that everyone know she is married [or was, oh snap!]. Welcome to my haterade parade.

#1. She is from New Jersey – Now, if you ever read this blog you will know that I am a New Jersey HATER. Before you get all offended, I know that there are some people from NJ who aren’t completely awful… like my Dad. That’s right, I have the dirty Jerz in my own family. Regardless, MRS. Grammer is from Jersey which only helps to solidify my hatred. Sorry Pops.

#2. She thinks all women are jealous of her – On the Real Housewives she has been caught on camera more than once claiming that women can’t help but be jealous of her. Please refer to the photograph above. I see a scary looking faux blonde with fake boobies and injected skin on the arms of an old man who doesn’t love her. Wait…what am I supposed to be jealous of again? I got lost in all of that horribleness.

#3. She thinks women are catty, and can’t figure out why they don’t like her – Also on the show, MRS. Grammer repeatedly talks about how she can’t seem to hold on to girlfriends and she prefers male friends anyways. Personally I wouldn’t want a gal pal who was convinced I was jealous of her and kissed my husband on the mouth all the time. [Yes, that is real. She has a MARRIED hot male friend named Nick that she kisses on the mouth, like it’s ok]

#4. She has IBS. And did a PSA for it.- For those of you who don’t know IBS stands for Irritable Bowel Syndrome, and it is common in as many as 1 in 5 American adults. It is an awful disorder and I would hate to have it, but come on, a Public Service Announcement!? Really?

#5. She got her start doing soft core porn and Club MTV – MRS. Grammer used Real Housewives as a platform to act like the victim and try to come off as a classy, quiet, lady [she failed]. Her classiness rapidly disintegrated when everyone remembered her soft core porn days following her refined days as a dancer on MTV. Suppperrr Klassy Kamille.

#6. She refers to Kelsey Grammer as her husband. – Now as a soon to be WIFE I understand that it is going to be exciting to call someone my husband, but he will still have a name. MRS. Grammer spends the majority of her time on camera referring to Kelsey as her husband. “My HUSBAND is nominated for a Tony”, “My HUSBAND is moving to NYC”, “My HUSBAND is beloved by all of America”. Wait, who is your husband again? It somehow slipped my mind.

#7. She talks about being famous too much for someone who isn’t famous. – She talks about how crazy it is to be in the public eye all the time, um you chose that lady.

#8. She said she has a Jesus complex. – On the show she was sitting in hot tub with her friends, and she proclaimed that she had helped every single person in the hot tub, due to her “Jesus Complex”. Yup.

#9. She is friends with a medium. During one of the episodes MRS. Grammer invited over her bat shit crazy friend who just so happens to be a Medium. She was crazy and spent the dinner smoking an electronic cigarette. Her friend said, and I quote “Do you know what I love about me? I know when every person at this table is going to die”. WELL. Do you know what I love about me? That none of my friends pretend to be psychic.

#10. She said she isn’t insecure. HAHAHAHAHAHAH. Oh right. Because fake body parts, a reality television show, and a publicized divorce SCREAM secure and confident.

And thus concludes my analysis of Camille Grammer, craziest lady of the moment.

-A

Just in case you want to here this woman speak.