“I like my bologna like a martini…with an olive.”

Per the request of my beloved friend/author, Avalon, I am here talking about ALCOHOL. More importantly, my first cocktail I had the joy (was it though) of drinking.

To begin, I’d like to state that I didn’t have A SIP of anything alcoholic until the end of the fall semester of my freshman year at college. I was/is what you call a goody-two-shoes. Nonetheless I ventured to a party and had my first sip(s) of Natty Light. Gross. I still don’t like beer. Unless I am at a sporting event, or someone tricked me into playing flip cup.

As Avalon pointed out, though, beer is not a cocktail. Lucky for me I remember EXACTLY what my first cocktail was. It is the biggest joke of a “cocktail”, and I am ashamed…

Raspberry Smirnoff Malt Beverage

It’s been 4 years since my first cocktail and I wish I could say that I have become more sophisticated and classy, although that would be a lie. Sometimes I have a liquor store meltdown and don’t know what to get, so I get what I think is “ole reliable”. Then I drink all 6 and feel like dying for days and wish that my 19 year old self would’ve spoken up and said, “NO NO, PUT IT AWAY”. I never put it away. I always think it’s gotten better. It hasn’t.

I’d really love for someone else to write what their first cocktail was. I’m hoping someone’s was Green Apple Smirnoff. Because honestly, those are disgusting and make my raspberry cocktail seem like an amaretto sour (love).


P.S. Yes that’s a Jim Gaffigan quote for my title. And I too have never had a martini. Mostly because I’d want to order both an onion and an olive, and I know people would judge. I can’t handle that judgement.

P.P.S. That picture is of me on my 21st birthday. I have documented proof that the first drink I ordered legally was a rum and coke. Hilarious.


Another Movie Review. Seriously.

As previously mentioned, I have a huge problem. I literally go to the movies once a week. Also as previously mentioned, I only go on Tuesdays, because I am super cheap (and maybe saving for a wedding..). I love everything about the movies; the gross seats, the obnoxious kids undoubtedly sitting next to me, snacking on all sides of me, ugh! What is not to love!

Regardless, this particular brisk Tuesday evening, my dear friend Laurel and I decided on It’s Kind of a Funny Story.

After seeing the previews it seemed evident the movie would exceed the parameters of the title and in fact, be extremely funny. After failing to get even the smallest smile from the ticket taker, Laurel and I frolicked into the movie theater.

We cozied up into the most awkward positions in our seats, and waited.

[side note: while we were waiting we saw a preview for the Black Swan. Please watch the trailer, and then go cuddle a stuffed animal, because it’s creepy.]

A disclaimer – once again – If you do not want to know about this movie, go read something else, because clearly I am about to talk about it.

Based on the previews alone, I was really expecting a semi-light story line, with lots of jokes, and a cute moment here and there. I was a little misinformed. It had actually pretty heavy subject matter, that was portrayed in a semi-realistic fashion.

The movie starts with a young boy, let’s call him Craig [that’s his name], and his obsession with the fantasy of killing himself. It’s not necessarily an obsession with actually killing himself, but it’s something he thinks about all the time. He makes the executive decision to admit himself to the local NY hospital and has a surprisingly hard time convincing the doctors there he is suicidal. In the ER waiting room he meets a man we will call Bobby [also his name] who appears to be a Doctor. Bobby is played to a near perfection by funny man Zach Galifianakis, and is actually a psych patient in disguise.

Once admitted Craig realizes to his horror that there is no insta-fix to his problems, and that he just gave up 5 days of his life. He also realizes Bobby is in fact, not a doctor. Once in his temporary room in the ward, Craig starts to have a change of heart. Bobby, mixed with the other crazy people, mixed with Craig’s antisocial roommate, forces Craig to feign wellness in attempt to escape. His escape attempt fails and Craig is forced to assimilate with the rest of the crazies.

The movie follows Craig’s personal journey as well as his relationships with the people he comes in contact with. Craig learns to appreciate the life he has through Bobby, he discovers he can draw AND sing, and he also finds himself a saucy little mink.

[side note: his father is played by Jim Gaffigan, a personal hero of mine]

[side note2: his mother is played by Lauren Graham. I’m more than in love with Gilmore Girls. I can’t help it.]

[side note3: the floor supervisor is the same actor who played the scientist Daniel Faraday in Lost. I kept expecting him to reveal an epic secret that would for sure be a game changer.]

Things I liked about this movie.

The soundtrack. As Laurel said “I’d watch squirrels mate to a good sound track”. Aside from the fact that I made that quote up, the soundtrack is divine.  The song “Oh My God” from  the lovely Norwegian Ida Maria is featured in the trailer, and is a glimpse of the goodies inside.

The awkward dialogue. In case you didn’t already figure it out, I LOVE AWKWARD DIALOGUE. I love awkward people, I love awkward conversation, I am awkward. I love Wes Anderson movies, I love the first 2 seasons of the office when Pam and Jim are awkward, I love Michael Cera.

The meaningful moments. There are more than a few instances in this movie that really make you appreciate humanity and doing nice things for others. I made that girly “oh gosh!” face more than once.

The believable relationships. The relationships formed and forming in this movie were actually believable, unlike the relationship in Dear John. Oh you didn’t see it? Congratulations on having two more hours of your LIFE than I do.

The Euphoric Aftermath. Laurel and I both sheepishly admitted to feeling high on life after we left the theater. Instead of a dumb ending, it was a real ending. Not all the ends were tied, which is what happens in real life.

Basically, I liked this movie. It starts slow, but it’s worth it. I promise. Unless you don’t love awkward, and if that’s the case, you will just find it awkward.