Things That Don’t Matter

Hello friends,

I feel like all I’ve been doing lately is apologizing for being the crap end of this relationship. I’M SORRY.

I have been HELLA [awful] busy, and I’m just trying to balance everything out. However, today in an effort to forget all things I should be doing [planning a wedding, finding a place to live, working…] I am going to tell you about two things that are bothering me.

#1. Josh Duhamel and Fergie Ferg.

Okay. I know they’ve been married for a couple of years by now, but I’m still very against this union. I saw J. Duh on Ellen this morning and he is so dang adorable! He was born in North Dakota and went to school to be a dentist [adorable]. Currently he is organizing a charity for Japan that involves running and people giving money. Adorable. Personable. Great. It may be also worth noting that he was in Win a Date with Tad Hamilton.  While I don’t really remember this movie, I am sure that he was great in it and only outshined a tiny bit by Topher Grace.

Now. Fergie? She was addicted to Meth. In her wikipedia it states she used HYPNOTHERAPY to kick the habit. Um. Seriously Fergie? Meth is disgusting, and while I applaud your ability to beat the statistics and kick your serious addiction, I feel like maybe you and Josh aren’t cut out for each other. I am an expert on celebrity couples, after all.



This one really hurts my soul.



I know, my heart is broken too. Apparently this guy’s name is Michael Sheen and he is from London. Or Ireland. Or something. He was in movies like Frost/Nixon and The Queen and I Ruined Avalon’s Fantasy Couple.

I need Ryan and Rachel back together. I may have mentioned it a few times, but seriously when this couple broke up it hurt my heart. They were so amazing together, and it was like a living fairytale after they did the notebook.


I know, how perfect.

And then just in case I haven’t plunged the knife deep enough into your chest….


Please get back together. Kthanks.

That’s all for now folks.



I’ll Never Let Go Jack, I’ll Never Let Go…

[cue: letting go]

Hello darlings!

This morning, like every morning, I woke up early to get some yoga in before work [see: watch tv]. As I was getting my channel surf/sun salutation on, I came across a diamond in the rough of morning television… A Walk to Remember. I immediately curled up on the couch with a bowl of cereal and my cat to watch Mandy Moore serenade and win over Shane West with her enchanting performance of “Only Hope”. I first saw AWTR when I was in 7th grade and my hormones were in full force. I wasn’t your typical angsty teenager, but I was in desperate need of some romance in my life. In this situation, romance came in the form of a Nicholas Sparks book-turned-feature film. 10 years later and I still choose AWTR over anything else on television.

And now, for a list [YOU KNEW IT WAS COMING]

Chick flicks I can watch over and over and I just can’t let go:

In no specific order…

#1. Steel Magnolias

Oh this movie. I first saw this movie when I was 13 [see: still needed the romance], and I was unprepared. The AMAZING cast [Sally Field, Dolly Parton, Shirley McLaine, Daryl Hannah, Olympia Dukakis, and YES that is Julia Roberts] delivers southern charm from the very beginning of the film. Roberts plays a young woman about to be married and the daughter of Fields. The movie follows Shelby [the character played by Roberts] and her journey as a newlywed and a diabetic. The rest of the women play supportive friends of the family that all come together when [SPOILER ALERT] Shelby dies. That’s right. You spend the whole movie loving young, adorable, southern Shelby, and the she dies. Just like that. For some reason I feel the need to revisit this tragedy at least once a year. Every year I cry.


#2. A Walk to Remember

Oh diseases. In this film Ms. Mandy Moore [alliteration?] plays Jamie, a religious high school outcast. Shane West plays the brooding, smokin’ hot bad ass Landon, who meets Jamie through court ordered community service [winner]. Although Jamie is a super nerd and wears overalls hottie McHotpants Landon falls in love with her, only to find that GASP! SHE HAS LEUKEMIA. Cue: crying for the rest of the movie. Landon spends all his time trying to make all her dreams come true before [she dies] time runs out. When I was younger I was stricken by this incredible gesture, and I wanted a Landon for my own. As an adult I realize meeting guys at their court ordered community service is less that ideal. Despite my older and wiser knowledge, I still love this movie and will watch it any time. I love the awful dialogue and the classic N. Sparks storyline [see: they fall in love].


#3. My Best Friend’s Wedding

Seriously, how many times and different ways do you think I can blog about this movie? I seriously seriously seriously love this movie. I know, you thought I was joking. That is why I had to reiterate how serious I am. This movie is everything I love in a movie. Julia Roberts, Gay Best Friend, Singing, Comedy, “The Way You Look Tonight”… what is not to love. When I watch this movie I can only hope the following things: that I never have a friend that drives like Cameron Diaz, that my dad is forever as nice as Cameron’s dad, that my GBF stops me from being a psycho path [that means you Clayton], and that “The Way You Look Tonight” follows me around at all times. You may notice that this is the second Julia Roberts movie on the list, SO WHAT. I love Ms. Roberts, and I could have made this list with only her movies, but I resisted.


#4. The Notebook


This movie may or may not own my life. One time on vacation in the Dominican Republic, Taryn, Clayton, and I decided to skip the beach to watch The Notebook for maybe the millionth time. I first saw this movie in theaters and I had no idea what it was about. I had just broken up with my bf at the time and my Gay BFFL took me to see that [GREAT CHOICE CLAYTON]. After crying my eyes out, I knew that this movie would be a staple in my life. I like crying, SO WHAT. The most epic part of this movie was that they were a couple in REAL LIFE! My heart literally broke into a million pieces when they broke up. I watched an old interview with him recently and he said something along the lines of “People always think Rachel and I are like the couple in the movie, and frankly it is insulting. We are way more romantic in real life”. THEN DO THE WORLD A FAVOR AND GET BACK TOGETHER.


#5. Titanic

Oh the original.

I begged my mother to let me see this movie for years.  Given that I was only in 4th grade when it came out, I was met with some resistance. FINALLY she gave in, with one stipulation: I had to watch it with my dad. ‘No big deal’ I thought, little did I know I would be sitting through a sweaty sex scene next to my father. Awkward. In high school my friends and I used to leave parties early, race home together, snuggle up in bed and turn on Titanic. Every weekend. I KNOW RIGHT WE WERE SO COOL. Leo’s charm won me over in this movie, and to this day when I watch it I get very upset that annoying Rose lives, and lovely Jack sinks to the bottom of the ocean. There was definitely room for both of them on that floating mantle. Greedy hobag.

So these are mine, what are the chick flicks you can’t live without!?


Our Golden Globe Gabfest

[Yes, that is just a random picture of Kate Winslet with a Golden Globe. I put it there because I thought it was funny. Because it is.]

Best Picture, Drama:

Black Swan, The Fighter, Inception, The King’s Speech, Social Network

Avalon: Hm. This is difficult because I have seen all of 1 of these films. I would love for The Fighter or Black Swan to win, but I think it might be Inception. UGH. I saw The Social Network and if that wins I am calling Shenanigans.
Taryn: This is extremely difficult. I saw ZERO OF THESE. Uhm. I say Fighter (due to Marky Mark, obvi). If not, Inception. Almost positive people pooped in their pants whenever that movie was brought up. I heard the King’s Speech is favored. Which is about King George (?) getting over his STUTTER. I want t-t-t-t-t-o see t-t-t-t-his.

Best Picture, Comedy/Musical:

Alice in Wonderland, Burlesque, The Kids Are All Right, Red, The Tourist

Avalon: Once again, tough because I didn’t see every single film on the list. I enjoyed The Kids Are All Right but I didn’t think it was really award material. Alice in Wonderland was also entertaining, but not that out of the ordinary. I’m going to say my guess for this category is going to be Red.
Taryn: Did I not see movies this year? I only saw Alice in Wonderland. Annd I DIDN’T enjoy. Why? Because as I child I was obsessed with the cartoon. So. Yeah. Change is hard for me when it comes to cartoon vs. live action Disney. If Burlesque wins, I’m gonna vomit.

Best Actress, Drama:

Halle Berry, Frankie and Alice; Nicole Kidman, Rabbit Hole; Jennifer Lawrence, Winter’s Bone; Michelle Williams, Blue Valentine; Natalie Portman, Black Swan.

Avalon: I’m picking Natalie Portman out of principle. I love that girl.
Taryn: I am choosing Michelle Williams, mainly because she got to make out with RyRy.

Best Actor, Drama:

Jesse Eisenberg, The Social Network; Colin Firth, The King’s Speech; James Franco, 127 Hours; Ryan Gosling, Blue Valentine; Mark Wahlberg, The Fighter.

Avalon: Oooo, a toss up. I love James Franco and I think he is genius. He is so random, but so amazing. However my pick for this category is Ryan Gosling. Although I once again, haven’t seen the movie, I already know I am going to love it.
Taryn: UGH MY THREE BOYZ ARE IN THIS. Uhm. I obviously didn’t see any of these, so it is going to be based strictly on looks/my love. I think I am going to go with James Franco. I think I love him the most. And not in a platonic way. Actually none of these would be platonic. But Ryan Gosling is just perfection. Decisions. I will hold strong with James Franco. Yep. Definitely James. (yes, I am still deciding in my head as I keep typing). Okay. Yes. Go James (but RyRy if you win, I always loved you).

Best Actress, Comedy:

Annette Bening, The Kids Are All Right; Anne Hathaway, Love and Other Drugs; Angelina Jolie, The Tourist; Emma Stone, Easy A; Julianne Moore, The Kids Are All Right;

Avalon: I am going to pick Anne. I feel like every other actress in this category played themselves in their movie. Bening was neurotic, Moore was down to earth and ginger-like, Jolie was pretty, Stone was the underdog that ended on top [pun?]. Anne Hathaway however, did not play herself. She played a young woman with Parkinson’s disease, and played the role astonishingly well.
Taryn: I obviously don’t want Angelina. ON PRINCIPLE. I agree with Anne as well. I need to see it. ALSO. She got to make out with Jake-y poo. I hope she tried to woo him away from T.Swift. I will always be Team Hathaway, if it comes down to it. Watch yo back, Taylor.

Best Actor, Comedy:

Kevin Spacey, Casino Jack; Jake Gyllenhaal, Love and Other Drugs; Johnny Depp, Alice in Wonderland; Johnny Depp, The Tourist; Paul Giamatti, Barney’s Version.

Avalon: I think we all know who I will pick. Gyllenhaal it is. Although I love me some Kevin Spacey, I really cannot escape my Gyllenhaal love. It’s blinding me.
Taryn: Jake. All the way. Hands down, pants down. I just made that up. I kind of LOVE it. .

TV Series, Drama:

Mad Men, Dexter, Boardwalk Empire, The Good Wife, The Walking Dead

Avalon: My pick is most certainly Dexter. I love this show, some might say I am addicted. I love the character development and the gripping story line. The writers convinced the audience to love a serial killer, obviously this show is genius.
Taryn: Once again watch none of these. UGH. I say Mad Men. To be different, and the guy is hot. I am almost positive if there is a hot guy in a show, that will always be my favorite. I am very shallow in that sense. I also, have zero apologies for having my opinions swayed because of said reason.

Best Actor, TV Drama:

Steve Buscemi, Boardwalk Empire; Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad; Michael C. Hall, Dexter; Jon Hamm, Mad Men; Hugh Laurie, House.

Avalon: Once again, going with Dexter. Before the current season began, Hall was battling cancer and undergoing chemotherapy. After beating the cancer Hall came back with an outstanding performance in what could be the best season of Dexter yet. His character is multi faceted and Hall subtly exhibits these depths. Hall has you believing you saw character traits you that weren’t portrayed on purpose. They are always on purpose.
Taryn: Jon Hamm, to be consistent. Hottie with a body. (Does he?)

Best Actress, TV Comedy:

Toni Collette, The United States of Tara; Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie; Tina Fey, 30 Rock; Laura Linney, The Big C; Lea Michele, Glee.

Avalon: Oh! This is so hard. For me, I am going with Edie Falco. Similar to Dexter she’s the bad-good guy. She’s a cheater and a pill popper with a heart of gold and a knack for creative medicine.
Taryn: I am NOT saying Lea. I think I might actually hate her, (and yes it’s mainly due to the story Caroline shared with us). Harsh words. But if I was in a room with Angelina Jolie, Lea Michele, Rebecca Romjin and some other girl I don’t like, I’d choose Lea to hate the most. I am going with Tina Fey. I love her. I love Date Night. I love SNL. I love 30 Rock (the three episodes I’ve watched). So yay. Go Tina!

Best Actor, TV Comedy:

Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock; Steve Carell, The Office; Thomas Jane, Hung; Matthew Morrison, Glee; Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory.

Avalon: Steve Carell. For sure. This is his last season of The Office and I think we should let him out with a bang. He brings the laughs every single week with the antics of the world’s worst [or best] boss.
Taryn: Steve Carell, for me as well. I love the thought of him going out with a bang (not literally, ew).  I’m in a weird mood. And Michael Scott is always in a weird mood. We are kin, in tv world. STILL IN A WEIRD MOOD.

Best Animated Film:

Tangled, Toy Story 3, How to Train Your Dragon, Despicable Me, The Illusionist.

Avalon: I am sorry Ladies and Gents, I am calling this one a tie. I loved Tangled, as already mentioned, and I loved Despicable Me. Both were hilarious and so different. I can’t even explain how torn I am. This is like Sophie’s Choice all over again. KIDDING.
Taryn: HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON. I effing loved that movie so effing much. If only I effing cussed. But, I do need to see Maryann do her thaaang in Tangled. Also Toy Story 3 made me cry, so mixed feelings. I don’t like to cry. I also don’t like to think about how sad my barbies are in my attic. So yes, HTTYD takes it.

Best Supporting Actress, TV:

Hope Davis, The Special Relationship; Jane Lynch, Glee; Kelly MacDonald, Boardwalk Empire; Julia Stiles, Dexter; Sofia Vergara, Modern Family.

Avalon: I am so predictable. I am going with Mz. Stiles. The last thing I saw Julia in was definitely Save the Last Dance. You saw it too, don’t lie to yourself. I loved her in that [because I was 12] so I was hesitant to see how her role, character, and acting skills would play out on the world’s greatest show. She is amazing! All my worries thrown out the window, and I spend my new found worry-free time watching her mess people up on Dexter.
Taryn: I would say Sofia Vergara, because Modern Family is awesome. HOWEVER. I am jealous at how pretty and boob-y she is, so I am going against her. I am saying Jane Lynch. I love her and her mean, cold heart. Once again, we are tv kin. Also, I loved Save the Last Dance. Obviously, I wanted to take up dance. Obviously I wanted to wear Timberlands. Obviously I got a pair. Obviously I don’t want to talk about it.

Best Supporting Actor, TV:

Chris Colfer, Glee; Chris Noth, The Good Wife; Scott Caan, Hawaii Five-o; David Strathairn, Temple Grandin; Eric Stonestreet, Modern Family.

Avalon: While I love Chris Colfer and think he is an important character, I am going with Eric Stonestreet. Eric plays Cam of Mitchell and Cam on Modern Family and they seriously make the show. They are the most amazing gay couple with the cutest child, and Eric SHINES as multi talented Cam.
Taryn: While I love Chris Colfer and think he is an important character, I am going with…joking., I do not plagiarise. I do love me some Kurt on Glee, but I love me some Cam more. Seriously, I die. I want to be his friend. I also want to see his acceptance speech.

TV Series, Comedy:

30 Rock, The Big Bang Theory, The Big C, Glee, Modern Family, Nurse Jackie

Avalon: As previously mentioned I love 30 Rock, Glee, Modern Family, and Nurse Jackie. This year however, I think the trophy err.. Globe goes to Modern Family. This show has me in stitches [do people still say that?]
Taryn: Before I choose, I would love to ask WHY ISN’T HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER ON HERE. Regardless, I choose Modern Family for me too. I am bleeding everywhere from laughing, I need some stitches. Joke too far? I don’t know. You know how I do. (Cyber high five, SMACK*)