Golden Globe Recap: Because You Care

Hello Friends!

I know, it has been a stone age since we last spoke. All of my apologies, I have been preoccupied with BLIZZARD after BLIZZARD the North East has been dealing with as of late. Seriously, I shall show you:

This is the snow mountain outside of my job. Completely unnecessary. I work in the center of town, what the EFF.

Regardless. I thought I would take time out of my day to recap the Golden Globe winners vs our predictions.

Best Picture, Drama:

Our Predictions: Avalon – Inception. Taryn – The Fighter.

Winner: The Social Network. UGH. I hated it. Whatever.

Best Picture, Comedy/ Musical:

Our Predictions: Avalon- Red, Taryn- Alice in Wonderland

Winner: The Kids are Alright. I saw it, I accept.

Best Actress, Drama:

Our Predictions: Avalon- Natalie Portman, Taryn- Michelle Williams

Winner: Natalie Portman! Finally! We got one right!

Best Actor, Drama:

Our Predictions: Avalon- Ryan Gosling, Taryn- James Franco

Winner: Colin Firth. He really deserved this award, so I am pleased. Apparently we were blinded by hotness so couldn’t predict correctly.

Best Actress, Comedy:

Our Predictions: Avalon – Anne Hathaway, Taryn – Anne Hathaway

Winner: Anette Benning. I saw this movie also, and it was good, but I wasn’t sure I thought it was award winning. Apparently I was incorrect.

Best Actor, Comedy:

Our Predictions: Jake Gyllenhaal across the board. We were blinded. Again.

Winner: Paul Giamatti. Hmm.

Best TV Series, Drama:

Our Predictions: Avalon – Dexter, Taryn – Mad Men

Winner: Boardwalk Empire. We are seriously failing at this prediction bit.

Best Actor, TV Drama:

Our Predictions: Avalon – Michael C. Hall, Taryn – Jon Hamm

Winner: Steve Buschemi

Best Actress, TV Comedy:

Our Predictions: Avalon- Edie Falco, Taryn – Tina Fey

Winner: Laura Linney

Best Actor, TV Comedy:

Our Predictions: Steve Carell across the board

Winner: Jim Parsons. WHAT.

Best Animated Film:

Prediction: Avalon – Tangled, Taryn – How to Train Your Dragon

Winner: Toy Story 3. I accept.

Best Supporting Actress, TV:

Prediction: Avalon – Julia Stiles, Taryn – Sofia Vergara

Winner: Jane Lynch. A completely acceptable winner. Love her.

Best Supporting Actor, TV:

Prediction: Avalon – Eric Stonestreet, Taryn – Chris Colfer

Winner: Chris Colfer. GOOD JOB TARYN!

Best TV Series/Comedy:

Prediction: We both chose Modern Family

Winner: Glee. We love Glee too, so we will let this one slide.

 

There you have it folks. Our predictions side by side with the actual award winners.

Moral of the story? We seriously have no idea what we are talking about. Thank god we aren’t gamblers.

-A

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Our Golden Globe Gabfest

[Yes, that is just a random picture of Kate Winslet with a Golden Globe. I put it there because I thought it was funny. Because it is.]

Best Picture, Drama:

Black Swan, The Fighter, Inception, The King’s Speech, Social Network

Avalon: Hm. This is difficult because I have seen all of 1 of these films. I would love for The Fighter or Black Swan to win, but I think it might be Inception. UGH. I saw The Social Network and if that wins I am calling Shenanigans.
Taryn: This is extremely difficult. I saw ZERO OF THESE. Uhm. I say Fighter (due to Marky Mark, obvi). If not, Inception. Almost positive people pooped in their pants whenever that movie was brought up. I heard the King’s Speech is favored. Which is about King George (?) getting over his STUTTER. I want t-t-t-t-t-o see t-t-t-t-his.

Best Picture, Comedy/Musical:

Alice in Wonderland, Burlesque, The Kids Are All Right, Red, The Tourist

Avalon: Once again, tough because I didn’t see every single film on the list. I enjoyed The Kids Are All Right but I didn’t think it was really award material. Alice in Wonderland was also entertaining, but not that out of the ordinary. I’m going to say my guess for this category is going to be Red.
Taryn: Did I not see movies this year? I only saw Alice in Wonderland. Annd I DIDN’T enjoy. Why? Because as I child I was obsessed with the cartoon. So. Yeah. Change is hard for me when it comes to cartoon vs. live action Disney. If Burlesque wins, I’m gonna vomit.

Best Actress, Drama:

Halle Berry, Frankie and Alice; Nicole Kidman, Rabbit Hole; Jennifer Lawrence, Winter’s Bone; Michelle Williams, Blue Valentine; Natalie Portman, Black Swan.

Avalon: I’m picking Natalie Portman out of principle. I love that girl.
Taryn: I am choosing Michelle Williams, mainly because she got to make out with RyRy.

Best Actor, Drama:

Jesse Eisenberg, The Social Network; Colin Firth, The King’s Speech; James Franco, 127 Hours; Ryan Gosling, Blue Valentine; Mark Wahlberg, The Fighter.

Avalon: Oooo, a toss up. I love James Franco and I think he is genius. He is so random, but so amazing. However my pick for this category is Ryan Gosling. Although I once again, haven’t seen the movie, I already know I am going to love it.
Taryn: UGH MY THREE BOYZ ARE IN THIS. Uhm. I obviously didn’t see any of these, so it is going to be based strictly on looks/my love. I think I am going to go with James Franco. I think I love him the most. And not in a platonic way. Actually none of these would be platonic. But Ryan Gosling is just perfection. Decisions. I will hold strong with James Franco. Yep. Definitely James. (yes, I am still deciding in my head as I keep typing). Okay. Yes. Go James (but RyRy if you win, I always loved you).

Best Actress, Comedy:

Annette Bening, The Kids Are All Right; Anne Hathaway, Love and Other Drugs; Angelina Jolie, The Tourist; Emma Stone, Easy A; Julianne Moore, The Kids Are All Right;

Avalon: I am going to pick Anne. I feel like every other actress in this category played themselves in their movie. Bening was neurotic, Moore was down to earth and ginger-like, Jolie was pretty, Stone was the underdog that ended on top [pun?]. Anne Hathaway however, did not play herself. She played a young woman with Parkinson’s disease, and played the role astonishingly well.
Taryn: I obviously don’t want Angelina. ON PRINCIPLE. I agree with Anne as well. I need to see it. ALSO. She got to make out with Jake-y poo. I hope she tried to woo him away from T.Swift. I will always be Team Hathaway, if it comes down to it. Watch yo back, Taylor.

Best Actor, Comedy:

Kevin Spacey, Casino Jack; Jake Gyllenhaal, Love and Other Drugs; Johnny Depp, Alice in Wonderland; Johnny Depp, The Tourist; Paul Giamatti, Barney’s Version.

Avalon: I think we all know who I will pick. Gyllenhaal it is. Although I love me some Kevin Spacey, I really cannot escape my Gyllenhaal love. It’s blinding me.
Taryn: Jake. All the way. Hands down, pants down. I just made that up. I kind of LOVE it. .

TV Series, Drama:

Mad Men, Dexter, Boardwalk Empire, The Good Wife, The Walking Dead

Avalon: My pick is most certainly Dexter. I love this show, some might say I am addicted. I love the character development and the gripping story line. The writers convinced the audience to love a serial killer, obviously this show is genius.
Taryn: Once again watch none of these. UGH. I say Mad Men. To be different, and the guy is hot. I am almost positive if there is a hot guy in a show, that will always be my favorite. I am very shallow in that sense. I also, have zero apologies for having my opinions swayed because of said reason.

Best Actor, TV Drama:

Steve Buscemi, Boardwalk Empire; Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad; Michael C. Hall, Dexter; Jon Hamm, Mad Men; Hugh Laurie, House.

Avalon: Once again, going with Dexter. Before the current season began, Hall was battling cancer and undergoing chemotherapy. After beating the cancer Hall came back with an outstanding performance in what could be the best season of Dexter yet. His character is multi faceted and Hall subtly exhibits these depths. Hall has you believing you saw character traits you that weren’t portrayed on purpose. They are always on purpose.
Taryn: Jon Hamm, to be consistent. Hottie with a body. (Does he?)

Best Actress, TV Comedy:

Toni Collette, The United States of Tara; Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie; Tina Fey, 30 Rock; Laura Linney, The Big C; Lea Michele, Glee.

Avalon: Oh! This is so hard. For me, I am going with Edie Falco. Similar to Dexter she’s the bad-good guy. She’s a cheater and a pill popper with a heart of gold and a knack for creative medicine.
Taryn: I am NOT saying Lea. I think I might actually hate her, (and yes it’s mainly due to the story Caroline shared with us). Harsh words. But if I was in a room with Angelina Jolie, Lea Michele, Rebecca Romjin and some other girl I don’t like, I’d choose Lea to hate the most. I am going with Tina Fey. I love her. I love Date Night. I love SNL. I love 30 Rock (the three episodes I’ve watched). So yay. Go Tina!

Best Actor, TV Comedy:

Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock; Steve Carell, The Office; Thomas Jane, Hung; Matthew Morrison, Glee; Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory.

Avalon: Steve Carell. For sure. This is his last season of The Office and I think we should let him out with a bang. He brings the laughs every single week with the antics of the world’s worst [or best] boss.
Taryn: Steve Carell, for me as well. I love the thought of him going out with a bang (not literally, ew).  I’m in a weird mood. And Michael Scott is always in a weird mood. We are kin, in tv world. STILL IN A WEIRD MOOD.

Best Animated Film:

Tangled, Toy Story 3, How to Train Your Dragon, Despicable Me, The Illusionist.

Avalon: I am sorry Ladies and Gents, I am calling this one a tie. I loved Tangled, as already mentioned, and I loved Despicable Me. Both were hilarious and so different. I can’t even explain how torn I am. This is like Sophie’s Choice all over again. KIDDING.
Taryn: HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON. I effing loved that movie so effing much. If only I effing cussed. But, I do need to see Maryann do her thaaang in Tangled. Also Toy Story 3 made me cry, so mixed feelings. I don’t like to cry. I also don’t like to think about how sad my barbies are in my attic. So yes, HTTYD takes it.

Best Supporting Actress, TV:

Hope Davis, The Special Relationship; Jane Lynch, Glee; Kelly MacDonald, Boardwalk Empire; Julia Stiles, Dexter; Sofia Vergara, Modern Family.

Avalon: I am so predictable. I am going with Mz. Stiles. The last thing I saw Julia in was definitely Save the Last Dance. You saw it too, don’t lie to yourself. I loved her in that [because I was 12] so I was hesitant to see how her role, character, and acting skills would play out on the world’s greatest show. She is amazing! All my worries thrown out the window, and I spend my new found worry-free time watching her mess people up on Dexter.
Taryn: I would say Sofia Vergara, because Modern Family is awesome. HOWEVER. I am jealous at how pretty and boob-y she is, so I am going against her. I am saying Jane Lynch. I love her and her mean, cold heart. Once again, we are tv kin. Also, I loved Save the Last Dance. Obviously, I wanted to take up dance. Obviously I wanted to wear Timberlands. Obviously I got a pair. Obviously I don’t want to talk about it.

Best Supporting Actor, TV:

Chris Colfer, Glee; Chris Noth, The Good Wife; Scott Caan, Hawaii Five-o; David Strathairn, Temple Grandin; Eric Stonestreet, Modern Family.

Avalon: While I love Chris Colfer and think he is an important character, I am going with Eric Stonestreet. Eric plays Cam of Mitchell and Cam on Modern Family and they seriously make the show. They are the most amazing gay couple with the cutest child, and Eric SHINES as multi talented Cam.
Taryn: While I love Chris Colfer and think he is an important character, I am going with…joking., I do not plagiarise. I do love me some Kurt on Glee, but I love me some Cam more. Seriously, I die. I want to be his friend. I also want to see his acceptance speech.

TV Series, Comedy:

30 Rock, The Big Bang Theory, The Big C, Glee, Modern Family, Nurse Jackie

Avalon: As previously mentioned I love 30 Rock, Glee, Modern Family, and Nurse Jackie. This year however, I think the trophy err.. Globe goes to Modern Family. This show has me in stitches [do people still say that?]
Taryn: Before I choose, I would love to ask WHY ISN’T HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER ON HERE. Regardless, I choose Modern Family for me too. I am bleeding everywhere from laughing, I need some stitches. Joke too far? I don’t know. You know how I do. (Cyber high five, SMACK*)

-A&T

Still Not Tuesday: Another Movie Review

Hello My Sugar Plum Fairies,

I know I am really throwing you off here, but I went to the movies again…NOT ON A TUESDAY. I know, I know, I am breaking all sorts of cheapskate rules. This particular Monday was a special occasion, allowing me to look past the fact that it was not Tuesday [because Tuesdays are FIVE DOLLAR MOVIE DAYS at our theater].

Laurel was leaving me. That’s right. My beloved friend and local partner in crime was departing our sleepy town for the real world. What a bitch. KIDDING!

We decided to go to the movies at 1:30 in the afternoon, because that’s normal. This time choice ALSO made it so my ticket price was only 75 cents more than on FIVE DOLLAR TUESDAYS. CA CHING.

Without a bat of an eye, we chose the steamy chick flick Love and Other Drugs.

Now let me break this down for you, I LOVE Jake Gyllenhaal. We are literally in love, minus the participation on his side. Minor details. When I was in 6th grade we watched October Sky in class, and I had to excuse myself from the rockets to sit in the hall and make a love scrap book of JG’s face. But seriously, this is where my love began. I was INFATUATED. So, basically for ten years JG has been my main man. Sometimes he falls to top 10, but usually he is in my top 5, because I love him so. He also seems like he would be nice AND funny, which also adds to it for me. I love me a good personality. [Watch this, listen to the lyrics about my man, and pay attention at 2:50… UGH SO FUNNY!]

But I digress.

Stop reading now, if you don’t want me to tell you too much about the movie. Go read something else.

Basically, this movie was really sad.

In the beginning you watch JG get his flirt on hard enough to lose his job. Like a classic manipulative person, JG then finds himself in sales- pharmaceutical sales to be precise. After putting in his hard work, he ends up meeting Ann Hathaway’s character Maggie on a chance. After she beats him, he decides he really likes her, and POSSIBLY doesn’t just want to womanize the crap out of her.

This is a little bit of a spoiler, but Maggie is incurably sick and is very cautious and a little bitter. She spends a good part of the movie trying to only use JG for sex [how could you!?] while he is trying to wife her up, hard.

Watch this movie if you fall into any of the following categories:

A). You haven’t seen Jake Gyllenhaal naked

B). You haven’t seen Anne Hathaway naked

C). You want to learn more about pharmaceutical companies and how they are secretly running your life

D). You miss the good old days of sobbing in a Nicholas Sparks movie, and you want so adult drama to ruin the rest of your day

I am going to start rating my movie reviews, and I give this one ♥♥♥ out of five. See it if you feel inclined, don’t go out of your way to do so. Unless you love him like I love him.

Seriously, you are WELCOME for this review. It is a miracle I even saw any of this movie given how distracting Mr. Gyllenhaal was.

-A

 

Well Google, what I really meant was….

We all worship Google, don’t act like you don’t. It’s our go to resource to find out exactly how old Jake Gyllenhaal is, if the bump on your toe is cancer, and where the best place to get cheap mexican food within a twenty mile radius is. We also allow Google to infiltrate our lives to the most extreme.

Google owns:

Picasa picture website

The Android platform

AOL

YouTube

And a whole bunch of other random things I have never heard  of. I literally used google to to google what Google owns. Google to Google time space continuum? I think so.

For the last couple of years, The Googs has been getting a little creepy. I will be minding my own business, checking my email, and adds promoting Free Wings on Wednesday! And THE PERFECT ENGAGEMENT RING pops up on the top and along the side. Coincidence? HOW COULD IT BE?! OBviously the two things I was looking at the most on this particular day [every day?] were food, and engagement rings. I know my priorities. But I digress, GET OUT MY BIZ-NASS GOOGLE.

However as they saying goes, When Google closes all the windows in your life by spying on you, Google also opens a door to hilarity.

Please tell me ya’ll have googled something recently. Google has a feature which is probably only a year old, where the search engine attempts to guess what you are searching by displaying the most popular similar searches.

For example you could type in:

“How old is Jake G”

and

“How old is Jake Gyllenhaal” would show up.

However, why would you Google Jakey’s age, when you COULD be Googling and laughing your BRAINS OFF.

When you type in:

How much is…

Here are your options:

…a stamp

…my car worth

…a cord of wood

I just want to know who Googles How much is a cord of wood. If you’re the type of person who wants to know how much a cord of wood is, you are the type of person who should already know.

When you type in:

How long does it take…

Here are your options:

…to get a passport

…for birth control to be effective

…to get pregnant

…to boil an egg

So these people are trying to flee the country whilst not getting pregnant and making a quick breakfast.

When you type in:

How do you…

Here are your options:

…get rid of fruit flies.

…tag someone in a facebook status

…get mono

HOW DO YOU GET MONO?! Is that a common goal I wasn’t aware of?!

When you type in:

What would a …

Here are your options:

…nerd wear

…wookie do lyrics [<- WHAT?!]

…woodchuck chuck

…dog say

Where to begin with these. Obviously if he could, a woodchuck would chuck wood. SO DUMB PEOPLE.

And the grand finale…

When you type in:

Do mid… [sized rentals cost more than sedans, what I was looking up]

Here are your options:

…[mid]gets have night vision

…[mid]gets have souls

…[mid]gets have normal size genitalia

…[mid]gets bite

Let’s all reflect, and try and use Google as a tool to be a little less weird.

-A

PS last night a guy called me Snooki.