Hopped up out the bed, turned my swag on.

I have no swag to turn on.

When I was younger I had no life.

You might be reading this remembering your so called non-existant life as well, but believe me I have you beat. I lived on glimpses of pop culture and stolen minutes of MTV. My mother was heinously strict throughout my childhood. I was not allowed to watch television or even listen to the radio (she’s nice and not crazy I swear). Despite her severely desperate attempts at sheltering me from the world, I was obsessed with all things pop culture (I still am).

I would save my allowance (I didn’t get one) up for the dirty rags (Seventeen, Teen Bob, Tiger Beat) and spend my days poring over them for hours. I cut out the pictures of the cute boys and famous (slutty) girls and put them in a folder (because I couldn’t let my mother know I had a crush on celebrities). Finding Justin Bieber adorable (I KNOW, I CAN’T HELP IT) reminded me of my childhood (still alive) crushes.

Top 10 (yes top 10. As in there were more)

#1. Devon Sawa

 

He used to be sooo cute...

 

 

Age Now: 32

Best Known For: Casper, Wild America, Now and Then

Why I loved him:

I wanted all up on his goodies. And seriously, who didn’t love him?! He was a GHOST before being dead was cool, and he was smokin’. Not only was he a friendly ghost but he was incredibly easy on the eyes. Christina Ricci got to make out with him not once, but TWICE. He was making all the girls swoon as the adorable and strangely mature for his age Scott in Now and Then. Basically, he was amazing. Now? Not so much.

#2. Christian Bale

Age Now: 36

Best Known For: Little Women, Batman, Terminator

Why I loved him:

Not a typical girlish crush, but have you seen Little Women?! Seriously, Laurie in Little Women was all that I wanted and more. I have seen Little Women more than I’d care to admit (I still watch it). He was amazing, wealthy, and hot as hell. When Jo denied him, I wanted to literally slap her in her pretention intellectual face. Then he moved on to Amy, which was kind of a gross move on his part, but still gorgeous. ..

He may even have a speech impediment.

#3. Taylor Hanson

 

he's kinda cute right? RIGHT??

 

 

Age Now: 27

Best Known For: um, duh

Why I loved him:

I know he looked like a girl, blah blah blah. I literally have no idea what it was, but I was head over heels in LOVE with this kid. I would listen to their stupid album, getting my angst on, for days on end. Hey, I’m not proud of it.

#4. Will Friedel

 

How could you not love that face?

 

 

Age Now: 34

Best Known For: Boy Meets World

Why I loved him:

He was HILARIOUS in BMW. So goofy, so charming, such a show stealer. I could care LESS about Cory and his whiney gf, I wanted Eric Matthews for my own. Also, all three people who saw My Date With the President’s Daughter love him also.

#5. Erik von Detten


Age Now: 28

Best Known For: Brink

Why I loved him:

He was adorable. That was the only reason. Also Brink was probably the best Disney Channel Original Movie. Besides Smart House.

#6. Brandon Fraser

 

So pretty. And sooo dumb.

 

 

Age Now: 41

Best Known For: All awful movies

Why I loved him:

Once again, not your typical childhood crush. However, I saw George of the Jungle and I was stricken. Yes, in that movie he wears no clothes. He was attractive, malleable, and dumb – perfection? I joke. But seriously, even with the Kenny G hair, he was a sight for sore eyes (yup, I’m 90).

#7. Jonathon Taylor Thomas

 

I don't even like milk.

 

 

Age Now: 29

Best Known For: Home Improvement, Wild America, Man of the House, Tom and Huck

Why I loved him:

EVERYONE LOVED HIM. You can lie to yourself, but don’t lie to me, JTT was a stud. He was in all the movies I was allowed to watch (G & PG) and his squeaky voice pierced my heart. He had that adorable mischievous smile and that same dumb haircut (or lack thereof) all the boys had. Swoon.

#8. Brad Renfro

 

so angsty, so badass, so 13

 

 

Age Now: deceased. sad.

Best Known For: Tom and Huck

Why I loved him:

Seriously, he was in 1 movie I ever saw, and I loved him. He was the bad boy, and so pretty to look at. Sadly he overdosed on heroin in the past year or two. RIP pretty boy.

#9. Rider Strong

 

Always the pouter

 

 

Age Now: 30

Best Known For: Boy Meets World

Why I loved him:

Once again, Cory in Boy Meets World was a snoozefest, while his supporting cast really stole the show. Angsty Shawn in BMW tugged at the heartstrings, and made me want to stalk down his fictional character and date him (even at 11 I was super creepy).

#10. Leonardo Dicaprio

 

So sensual.

 

 

Age Now: 35

Best Known For: Titanic, Shutter Island, What’s Eating Gilbert Grape, Blah blah blah

Why I loved him:

Before he was all pompous and dream stealing, Jack Dawson was my everything in Titanic. The Titanic is yet another movie that I still watch, ain’t no shame. He was so adorable in the Titanic, watching him for 3 hours was a breeze. AND HE WAS ARTISTIC. The perfect mate!? I think so (except he’s dead).

And there you have it folks. The sadness that was my childhood, revealed.

Side note: When did everyone get so old?!? I’m ageist. Any guy over 24 creeps me out. Hence my hidden affection for the Biebster.

-A

Take It, You Chair

This weekend was filled with a smorgasbord of things I love. There also were negatives points, I admit, but I am trying to see the silver lining. The optimism. The HAPPINESS in life…so here we go.

Things that are awesome/things I love/no work on Monday yay! edition:

1. I have free HBO for a few months. BALLIN. Just rediscovered this gem the other night. Might have watched some Ice Age 2 (whats the name? idk). But that’s neither here nor there.

2. Came home, after having a delicious dinner with the parentals, to see that Titanic is on tv. Uhm. Idk about you but I love Leo in this movie. Like legitimately LOVE HIM. So I watched for a minute or 40. I caught it at the part where the boat is sinking (duh) and Jack is handcuffed to the pipe and Rose is frantically searching for someone to help MEANWHILE everyone else and their mothers (literally) are getting onto life boats. UGH. I die. I also noticed, for the first time ever, that Kathy Bates is in this movie. How did I not know this? She also has a great line…”you don’t see this everyday”. I laughed, cause DUH, KATHY BATES, DUH. Clearly you don’t see a GINORMOUS SHIP sink after  RUNNING INTO a glacier. A ship deemed The Unsinkable, no less. Anyway. Its also at this point in the movie where you want to rip out Billy Zane’s eyeballs…while playing a little tonsil hockey. IM JUST SAYING, he is a  hot bad guy. (Sidenote: whilst googling, look at this horrible picture I found. SO SAD. Also NO, I did not “click to see”. Perverts). So anyway, back to Titanic…Rose is trying to find someone, no one is helping, she punches a worker- he starts bleeding IMMEDIATELY (fake) which makes him say to Rose, “to hell with you!”. Who says that? So, way to go Rose. Blew your chances of help. Now the only thing left to help is an ax… Getting me to my #2 LOVE of the weekend. Right before Rose is about to take a whack at Jack’s handcuffs, Jack grabs her shaking (she’s in freezing cold water, remember) arm and says…”Listen, Rose. I trust you.” Uhm, come again Jack? I can’t hear you through MY TEARS. It’s at this moment, every time I watch this movie, that I can’t not cry. His love for her is so great. And it’s not like I don’t know what ends up happening, but still. Ugh Jack,  if you only knew she’d hog up the entire board and let go of your hands a mere 30 minutes later! I love him. And she loved him. Just not enough.

3. Watched The Back-Up Plan for the first time. I, too, am the biggest chick flick nerd EVER. I knew I was gonna like it, and ya know what? I LOVED IT. With the exception of wishing J.Lo’s bangs weren’t parted in the middle, she was great! I have mixed feelings about her ever since her Jenny From the Block video has her TOPLESS on a boat, with Ben Affleck…not okay, Jen. Not okay. Nonetheless, loved it. The guy in it (name?) was HOT.( Sidenote: I think chest hair is making a comeback. Just me who thinks this? Anyone? Anyone?… Bueller?) Well, regardless he was just perfect. Maybe too perfect…they end up doing it in a cheese barn. Yes, Avalon, you heard me right. CHEESE BARN. As in,  BARN FULL OF DELECTABLE CHEESE. Which made me love the scene even more, cause lets face it. Cheese is da bomb.

4. Guess what? Chicken Butt! I got a present from the two most exquisite friends ever! Loved it! And the box (thanks Ben) was the icing on the cake. You never can underestimate the happiness that ensues after receiving mail/packages from friends. Yes texts are fun. Yes email is convenient. But nothing is better than coming home to a box (or envelope) with the address handwritten from a friend or relative. It’s so comforting, ya know? Anyway. Ya know what else is awesome? My new pair of undies. HAHA. We have gotten to that stage of friendship, where there are zero boundaries as to what presents we will find in our Toy Story box o’birthday presents.

5. Finished another disk of How I Met Your Mother. This is a new addiction people. It came on fast and is severe. Side effects? Wanting to date Jason Segel. SHUT UP. I know you see his thingy (yes, I am a child) in Forgetting Sarah Marshall. But I DONT CARE. Love him.

I can honestly think of a thousand, or only 3, more things to add to this. But they seriously are all about tv shows and movies, and I can’t have everyone think that all I do is sit at home and do nothing..even though it’s true, it doesn’t need to be so blatantly obvious to our readers (ha). Hopefully your weekend was super duper awesome! Also. One last thing…

I trust you. HOW INTENSE ARE THOSE WORDS. I feel as if Titanic deserves its own posts. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

-T