Little ditty about Thanksgiving.

Hello turkey lovers,

As we all know I have mixed feelings about Thanksgiving. And by mixed feelings, I mean I hate it. I try every year to see the good in such a festive holiday that is inconveniently placed in the middle of my favorite season, and every year I fail. Here is a short rundown of my holiday, on a strictly need-to-know basis.

#1. My favorite GAY made an appearance. YAY.

#2. We played Egyptian Rat Screw on Thanksgiving eve. And made it into a drinking game.

#3. I ate no Turkey. Silent boycott.

#4. I almost killed my aunt, who is a raving lunatic.

#5. I ate 2…3 piece of pie. To make up for no Turkey.

#6. I went to 2 Thanksgivings. That is 2 too many for someone who hates the Holiday [me]/

#7. Even though I ate no real food and only pie, I still felt like I was going to throw up.

#8. My GAY met a love prospect with a long title. CA CHING.

#9. I Witnessed Thanksgiving Kareoake.

#10. I Avoided everyone I know who was in town.

#11. I just spent $200 on Black Friday deals. From my computer.

Until next year…

-A

 

August 28

As I was at work, doing NOTHING (actually this is busy season and I am knee deep in financial statements, NO BIG DEAL) I decided to look up random (not really) dates on wikipedia . One in particular…August 28.

Clearly Wikipedia is the source of all knowledge. Yes, ALL. I almost take it offensively when professors/people say it isn’t a legitimate source.

Uhm. Hold the phone.

Do you really know that Wiki is lying about the early childhood of Mark Wahlberg and how he is the youngest of nine children? No. You don’t. So, don’t mess with me on this one (see: Jennifer Aniston and Thanksgiving).

With that being said (angrily?) I decided to Wiki this date. And came up with some very interesting facts. LEGITIMATE facts, at that.

Before we get into the awesome historical facts, August 28th is the 240th day of the year, meaning there are only 125 days left in the year. I am a numbers person, and I love that both of those numbers are divisible by 5. I nerd out sometimes, SO WHAT. We all do. Don’t deny it.

Anyway, let’s start with the low points on this date in history…

• In 1996, Prince Charles and Princess Diana divorce (he’s a looker, is he not?). So far, NOT so good for this date. I personally love Princess Diana. She is the predecessor to my present day love affair for Jennifer Aniston. Also, how unfortunate all the material for her dress had to go to waste! Here, for those of you not understanding my reference, take a look at the wedding dress Princess Di donned on her wedding day…it weighed 580 pounds (also divisible by 5, holla).
• In 2005, Hurricane Katrina begins to make landfall in Louisiana and Mississippi. Which was the COSTLIEST, as well as one of the top five DEADLIEST hurricanes in United States history. To try and top that, it was the sixth STRONGEST hurricane recorded in the Atlantic. Those are some intense superlatives.
• In 1818 Jean Baptiste Point du Sable died. Oh who is this, you’re wondering? I am glad you asked. It was the founder of Chicago! Yep. Thanks to him we have things like Oprah. And deep dish pizza (can we please look at this oxymoron of a picture?) ALSO, we have founders of cities? That seems weird to me. Wouldn’t his title just be the “person who came up with the name”?
• In 1990, we lost a very important figure. That’s right. I am referring to none other than Willy Vandersteen, the Belgian cartoonist! Okay, I mainly put him in here as a shout out to my roots. But, ’tis sad nonetheless. Also, I wikied his cartoons…we haven’t heard of any of them. Well, probably not anyway.
• In 2007, Arthur Jones died. His fun fact is that he invented the Nautilus exercise machines! He essentially is the reason I begrudgingly go to the gym.
• In 2009, Adam Goldstein passed away. We all know Mr. Goldstein as DJ AM. Aka ex boyfriend of Nicole Richie. Aka really skinny guy that dated that famous singers adopted daughter.

SO SAD. What a horrible day in history, clearly!!!! Before the tears are shed, let’s take a looksie at the GOOD that befell on this day…

• 1609, hottie with a body Henry Hudson discovers Delaware Bay. YAY
• 1789, William Herschel discovers a new moon, entitled Enceladus, of Saturn. YAY for science!
• 1961, Motown releases it’s first hit, “Please Mr. Postman” by the Marvelettes.  Gotta love some Motown
• 2004, George Brunstad (who? I’m getting to it. CALM DOWN) became the oldest man to swim the English Channel. He was 70. SEVENTY. It took him 15 hours and 59 minutes. Let’s think about our relatives at or around the age of 70. Would they, COULD they do this? The answer is no. Must be those damn fish and chips that make for a healthy lifestyle!
• In 1801 Antoine Augustin Cournot was born. Shout out to my seester, he’s a French mathematician. He actually introduced formulas and probability into economics. I did not know this! Wow. I am learning so much.
• In 1878 George Whipple was born. As in, the doctor that discovered the disease known as the Whipple Disease (didn’t see that coming, huh). ALSO as in the episode of Grey’s where Cristina thinks that an old scrub nurse needs a Whipple, but she actually never needed one and Cristina likes her more than she thought she would. ALSO sidenote of the episode, it’s the one where a patient (Jorge) accidentally shoots himself in the head with a nail gun. SURPRISE turns out that he has a tumor and he may lose his memory aka the memory of his wife (Zona, pronounced Sonya) in red. DILEMMA. Thus one of my favorite Grey’s quotes (said by Zona), “he will still be my Jor-ge”-but in a Spanish-y accent. Love it.
• In 1943 Lou Pinella was born. Tampa native shout out! Tampa Bay Rays shout out! Cubs shout out! Funny story, my family and I have seen Sweet Lou at our local weekly restaurant a handful of times. One time in particular my mom felt the need to talk to him. So she waltzed over and goes, “Hey Lou!”. Like they’re buddies. This story seems nonchalant, but at the time I was embarrassed.
• In 1958, Scott Hamilton tripled axled his way onto Earth. I think he was born with skates on…or so Wiki says. Pssh how could you NOT believe this site?!
• In 1965, Shania Twain was born. “Man! I feel like a woman”, were probably the thoughts going on in her head. Oh also, I wish I knew whose bed the boots were really under. “From this moment” on, I won’t make anymore lyrical puns. All I have to say about this is, “that don’t impress me much”.
• In 1969, Jason Priestley was born. 9021-SHUT UP. Ugh this post makes me want to go to the Peach Pit while Dylan and Kelly making everyone’s ears bleed about how much they love each other but aren’t together. Barf. Just let me know when Brian Austin Green’s bday is. All I care about. Sorry Brando-errr, I mean Jason. Don’t judge me for knowing their names.
• In1982, everyone’s lives were lit up when LeAnn Rimes was born (yea more lyrical puns). I am so “blue” that I have to end my excerpt on her. (Am I? No). Also. Remember when she married her dancer when she was like 11? Not really she was older, but not by much. What is with marrying your dancer? First LeAnn, then J.Lo, then Britney. COME ON PEOPLE. Give dancers a better name. “Hi I’m K Fed, I am a dancer and a divorcee” just doesn’t roll off the tongue nicely. Actually. K Fed has bigger problems than his marriage status. Literally BIGGER.
• Finally, in 1991 Kyle Massey was born. Who? ONLY THE KID THAT I HAVEN’T KNOWN HIS NAME FOR WEEKS NOW. He was formerly known as “The kid on That’s So Raven” (referencing my Dancing With the Star’s posts). I am SO HAPPY he was on this date. It seems so appropriate considering later on today my awesomely awaited (is it?) DWTS update post will be up.

Gotta love Wikipedia

-T

Stop Hating on Thanksgiving

This is a quick post/comment on my fellow friend’s hate on Thanksgiving. I could’ve done an actual comment to the particular post, but I want everyone to see. EVERYONE.

THANKSGIVING DOES NOT SUCK. Turkey=Delicious. Cranberry Sauce= Healthy excuse for JELL-O. Stuffing= Why yes, I’d love to “stuff” my face with your goodness.

Oh, also. Avalon and I became friends over a Thanksgiving break. But we shall hear that awesome tale come November. (little preview)

That’s enough for now…hopefully everyone knows not to mess with Thanksgiving. ‘Cause I will find you.

-T

PS. This might be Avalon and I’s first fight..That’s right in our years of marriage (oh, we didn’t tell you we are married? Must’ve slipped our mind) we haven’t fought.

It’s Britney Bitch

(Obviously I watch Glee) Hello lovely readers. Can I just say, I LOVE FALL. I literally love every single thing about this season, so much so, that I want to marry it. And I will now dedicate an entire post to my new spouse. Things I love about fall:

1. It gets cold, I get to wear sweaters. Now if anyone knows me you know that I LOVE SWEATERS. I love long sleeve, short sleeve, hooded, cardigan, turtle neck…seriously. You name it, I own it, and wear it every day.
2. I love Halloween. Like it’s a disease. I don’t love Halloween in the skanky “I’m a referee!” kind of way, I love it in a Tim Burton kind of way. I love the Nightmare before Christmas and the Corpse Bride. I love pumpkins, scarecrows and CANDY! College girls have tried really really hard to get me to hate Halloween, yet I prevailed!
3. I love fall festivities, more than is healthy. I run around pumpkin patches like I’m seven years old at Willie Wonka’s chocolate factory. I run through leaf piles. I seek out apple orchards and pull a “The Hills are Alive”.
4. I hate football. Live football (see: tailgating) I can handle. Wasting away the BEAUTIFUL fall days inside to watch guys touch each other? No thanks. I can do that outside.
5. I also hate Thanksgiving. Turkey=gross. Stuffing? That even SOUNDS gross. It also looks gross, have you ever looked at it? Cranberry sauce? Disgusting. But this isn’t a hate list. It’s a love list.
6. Seriously have you seen the leaves in New England in the fall? It’s like beauty attacking your face. But in a loving, comforting way. THIS IS A REAL PICTURE. Ugh, so beautiful.
7. Oh yea, MY BIRTHDAY IS IN OCTOBER. I love my birthday. You might say “obviously Avalon”, but you’d be surprised. People often tell me that they hate their birthday, to which I promptly smack them in the face and walk away. BIRTHDAYS ARE AMAZING. They are an entire day dedicated solely to you! You can do whatever you want! I usually take of like 3 days for my birthday, frolick around, and make everyone I know do it with me. I eat lots of food and buy myself lots of presents. I think people who hate their birthday rely on other people to make it great. WHY??? IT’S A DAY ABOUT YOU. Make it a great day. And shut up. (sidenote: this year I get to spend it with Taryn. AGAIN. Hollaaa)
8. There are lots of dumb holidays where you get time off, that is if you live in Massachusetts and not some sad excuse for a state (Florida). We get to bask in time off on Labor Day, Columbus Day, Thanksgiving, and usually even The Day After Thanksgiving.
9. I love the smell of fall. You know what I’m talking about. That spicy, cinnamony, clovey, homey, comforting smell that penetrates the nostrils. Smells like a mix between pumpkin pie and spiked apple cider. I want to live in that smell (so just to review, I’m marrying fall, and we’re going to live in the smell of it).
10. After fall, is Christmas. NUFF SAID.

And this concludes my love note to fall.

Save the Dates for our union will be arriving shortly.

-A