Julia and Meg are pretty much my whole weekend

Based on Avalon’s post below, I thought I’d share my movie loves. Guessing by the post title, Ms. Roberts and Ms. Ryan are my staples. They pretty much own the Oxygen channel, as well as a good part of my Sunday’s. No need to lie, I AM TOTALLY OKAY WITH THAT.

Unlike Avalon’s mornings, I hardly have time to make myself a smoothie to go, much less WATCH anything. I don’t ease into my mornings. Instead it’s a game of beat the clock ( see: sleep as long as possible, then throw my hair up in a bun. The clock always wins). I save my tv, couch cuddling, cereal eating for Saturday and Sunday.

I love my weekends, and I love the weekend movie lineups. What’s funny is I own ALL OF THESE, but something about stumbling across it on the television makes it that much more exciting. And now for my list (two in a day? what??!).

Chick Flicks I love and can’t change the channel once I see it’s on, regardless of what breaking news there may be on Charlie Sheen (I joke).

In no particular order, because they’re all awesome.

1. When Harry Met Sally

I love this movie, more than words. I believe I have posted on it before? If not, I should have because it’s a favorite. I love this story, so much. It starts out so simple then evolves into, what I’d perceive, as real life situations. They’re acquaintances, turned friends, turned lovers, turned “enemies”, until they inevitably (SPOILER) get married. All of this happening within like 7 years..they never gave up. I love that part the most, probably. The persistence. With every time I watch it I have the same reactions: Am I high maintenance because I like sauces on the side? Man, I’d love to have a karaoke machine and sing The Surrey With the Fringe On Top (chicks and ducks and geese better scurry…).  I kind of liked the wagon wheel coffee table. Why does Meg Ryan’s hair look so cute in that side half pony tail?! I am glad wide leg, high-waisted pants are back in style. Omg Harry, RUN TO THE PARTY. IT’S NEW YEARS EVE. HURRY. Annnnd I am crying.

2. Pretty Woman

Another movie I have loved since forever. My mom loves this movie and in desperate need to be just like my mother, I watched it and automatically told myself I loved it…regardless of if I understand what it was all about. Then my “love” for it, grew to LEGITIMATE love. The hair, the polka dots, the hotel staff. Everything is great. My only “cringe” scene is the last one. I feel as though Vivian could’ve had a different last line than, “She rescues him right back”. But it’s still a great movie. This is a movie where whenever I am watching it with other people, I feel the need to share my fun fact, even though I know people don’t care- That fun fact being that Gary Marshall uses the same cast in his movies. ie Princess Diaries. Check it out:

Hotel Manager in Pretty Woman=Joe in Princess Diaries

Hotel Desk lady= Charlotte the Queens assistant (also Gary Marshall’s daughter)

Hotel elevator boy= Mia’s crazy, writer neighbor

Clothing store owner (not the bitches who made a “Big mistake. Big… Huge!”)= Paolo (Mia’s hair dresser)

Besides me having useless information pertaining to Pretty Woman, I love this movie and can quote it. My mother may or may not have that polka dot dress like the one she wears while at the polo match. I also may or may not want to steal it. ALSO, the grape stomping episode of I Love Lucy is my favorite episode.

3. You’ve Got Mail

Here we have two people randomly emailing in a city full of MILLIONS, where they walk past each other DAILY, and are business competitors turned friends turned SOUL MATES. Oh the romance! Kasey and I have watched this movie I would guess about 378 times. Which doesn’t seem like a lot, but it is. I don’t even think I am exaggerating. I laugh, I cry, I sing along to Greg Kinnear’s horrible  rendition of  “the horn, the horn” section of the Christmas song. Who would’ve thought that the “only dog’s can hear” AOL dialing static could be so romantic?! If I can quote Meg Ryan, this movie is “152 insights to my soul”.

4. Pride and Prejudice

Jane Austen sure does know how to write up some romance. It doesn’t help that I saw Becoming Jane (don’t see it, you’ll over analyze and worry that a) you’ll never find true love, b) you’ll find true love and then lose it forever. There’s no happy ending to that cry fest) and have Pride and Prejudice up on a pedestal as one of the ALL TIME best romantic movies ever. I saw this movie on a whim the summer between my junior and senior year of high school. I just got my car (Rhonda the Honda shout out) and was ready to hit the road! Unfortunately the closest theater to my house in the boonies was 40 minutes away. So after a quick (see: long pleading call) phone to mother dearest, Kasey, myself and a friend from tennis decided to go see it. We hadn’t even seen previews, but we were like, “everyone loves the book, so why not”. Oh. Em. Gee. I was still in my “I don’t cry for anything” stage (actually, I still am), but there were tears formed. The dialogue, the interactions, the plot…ugh. Sometimes when Kasey and I are feeling puny, we watch the last scene and just cry out of pure happiness. Will Elizabeth get over pride? Will Mr. Darcy put aside his prejudice ways? Will Mrs. Swann ever stop sweating? Always are questions in my head, even though I know the outcome. Side note: Meg Ryan’s character in You’ve Got Mail loves this book. Me too, Meg. Me too.

5. Notting Hill

Ahh, Julia. How you never fail to please. In this dashing film, we have Hugh Grant playing a middle class book store owner (oh hi London version of Meg Ryan in You’ve Got Mail) and Julia playing the ever talented actress, Anna Scott. They meet abruptly where sparks (and orange juice) fly. It’s a rollercoaster ride, but it all works out in the end when Anna utters the words, “indefinitely”. I won’t even say what that’s in reference to, because, well, you need to watch it for yourself. I’d have to say my favorite character is Grant’s roommate. Typical Brit, with a typical potty mouth. Got to love it. This movie also brought back my usage of the phrase, “whoopsidaisies”.

I told y’all Julia and Meg are large and in charge when it comes to my movie watching. I just can’t help it! Now that I’ve filled y’all in on MY personal favorite romantic movies, all I want to do is cuddle up on my couch with some hot tea, or if I am feeling spunky a pint of coffee ice cream. If only we could share it together…and I am saying this in the least creepy way possible.

-T

PS. Although I normally don’t watch tv before work, being on a business trip makes tv watching easy. FYI, Full House comes on from 6-7 on Nick at Nite (yes, still considered “nite”). Then Boy Meets World comes on at 7. You better believe I’m going to start making time for that shiz.

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I’ll Never Let Go Jack, I’ll Never Let Go…

[cue: letting go]

Hello darlings!

This morning, like every morning, I woke up early to get some yoga in before work [see: watch tv]. As I was getting my channel surf/sun salutation on, I came across a diamond in the rough of morning television… A Walk to Remember. I immediately curled up on the couch with a bowl of cereal and my cat to watch Mandy Moore serenade and win over Shane West with her enchanting performance of “Only Hope”. I first saw AWTR when I was in 7th grade and my hormones were in full force. I wasn’t your typical angsty teenager, but I was in desperate need of some romance in my life. In this situation, romance came in the form of a Nicholas Sparks book-turned-feature film. 10 years later and I still choose AWTR over anything else on television.

And now, for a list [YOU KNEW IT WAS COMING]

Chick flicks I can watch over and over and I just can’t let go:

In no specific order…

#1. Steel Magnolias

Oh this movie. I first saw this movie when I was 13 [see: still needed the romance], and I was unprepared. The AMAZING cast [Sally Field, Dolly Parton, Shirley McLaine, Daryl Hannah, Olympia Dukakis, and YES that is Julia Roberts] delivers southern charm from the very beginning of the film. Roberts plays a young woman about to be married and the daughter of Fields. The movie follows Shelby [the character played by Roberts] and her journey as a newlywed and a diabetic. The rest of the women play supportive friends of the family that all come together when [SPOILER ALERT] Shelby dies. That’s right. You spend the whole movie loving young, adorable, southern Shelby, and the she dies. Just like that. For some reason I feel the need to revisit this tragedy at least once a year. Every year I cry.

 

#2. A Walk to Remember

Oh diseases. In this film Ms. Mandy Moore [alliteration?] plays Jamie, a religious high school outcast. Shane West plays the brooding, smokin’ hot bad ass Landon, who meets Jamie through court ordered community service [winner]. Although Jamie is a super nerd and wears overalls hottie McHotpants Landon falls in love with her, only to find that GASP! SHE HAS LEUKEMIA. Cue: crying for the rest of the movie. Landon spends all his time trying to make all her dreams come true before [she dies] time runs out. When I was younger I was stricken by this incredible gesture, and I wanted a Landon for my own. As an adult I realize meeting guys at their court ordered community service is less that ideal. Despite my older and wiser knowledge, I still love this movie and will watch it any time. I love the awful dialogue and the classic N. Sparks storyline [see: they fall in love].

 

#3. My Best Friend’s Wedding

Seriously, how many times and different ways do you think I can blog about this movie? I seriously seriously seriously love this movie. I know, you thought I was joking. That is why I had to reiterate how serious I am. This movie is everything I love in a movie. Julia Roberts, Gay Best Friend, Singing, Comedy, “The Way You Look Tonight”… what is not to love. When I watch this movie I can only hope the following things: that I never have a friend that drives like Cameron Diaz, that my dad is forever as nice as Cameron’s dad, that my GBF stops me from being a psycho path [that means you Clayton], and that “The Way You Look Tonight” follows me around at all times. You may notice that this is the second Julia Roberts movie on the list, SO WHAT. I love Ms. Roberts, and I could have made this list with only her movies, but I resisted.

 

#4. The Notebook

DUH!

This movie may or may not own my life. One time on vacation in the Dominican Republic, Taryn, Clayton, and I decided to skip the beach to watch The Notebook for maybe the millionth time. I first saw this movie in theaters and I had no idea what it was about. I had just broken up with my bf at the time and my Gay BFFL took me to see that [GREAT CHOICE CLAYTON]. After crying my eyes out, I knew that this movie would be a staple in my life. I like crying, SO WHAT. The most epic part of this movie was that they were a couple in REAL LIFE! My heart literally broke into a million pieces when they broke up. I watched an old interview with him recently and he said something along the lines of “People always think Rachel and I are like the couple in the movie, and frankly it is insulting. We are way more romantic in real life”. THEN DO THE WORLD A FAVOR AND GET BACK TOGETHER.

 

#5. Titanic

Oh the original.

I begged my mother to let me see this movie for years.  Given that I was only in 4th grade when it came out, I was met with some resistance. FINALLY she gave in, with one stipulation: I had to watch it with my dad. ‘No big deal’ I thought, little did I know I would be sitting through a sweaty sex scene next to my father. Awkward. In high school my friends and I used to leave parties early, race home together, snuggle up in bed and turn on Titanic. Every weekend. I KNOW RIGHT WE WERE SO COOL. Leo’s charm won me over in this movie, and to this day when I watch it I get very upset that annoying Rose lives, and lovely Jack sinks to the bottom of the ocean. There was definitely room for both of them on that floating mantle. Greedy hobag.

So these are mine, what are the chick flicks you can’t live without!?

-A

A movie review. I know it’s Saturday. AM I THROWING YOU OFF?!

So, on this beautiful crisp Saturday morning I decided to rip my own eyeballs out.

Just kidding!

But seriously, I decided to watch “Sleeping with the Enemy” starring Julia Roberts circa 1991 [I was 4]. I was perusing Netflix and I happened upon a J. Roberts movie I had never seen. It honestly felt like I won the jackpot. As previously mentioned, I LOVE JULIA ROBERTS. This particular movie had evaded me, all this time.  While deciding to watch the movie, somehow I managed to avoid all the hints telling me not to watch.

Only three stars? SO WHAT.

Naked in a bathtub on the cover? WE ALL TAKE BATHS NAKED.

She looks super freaked out on the cover? COLD WATER FREAKS ME OUT TOO.

I should have noticed.

 

 

The movie begins with a picturesque beach and a gorgeous Roberts clam digging, in clam diggers.

Her husband comes out to visit, and oh my gosh, was that a flicker of a frown on her face? Why would she be frowning? She is on the beach, she lives in a mansion, she is beautiful, and her husband is decent (besides that ‘stache). Ooo the questions.

The movie carries on. As Roberts is primping in front of the mirror in their mansion, the husband comes by and let’s it slip that he would prefer her in a black dress. In the next scene the couple is at a party and she has changed into a black dress.

At this point, I’m thinking Mah Gurl is a pushover. Oh you prefer the black dress? Then you wear it. Yes, that is what I would have said [not really].

Next scene. Husband is on the dock talking to some rando guy tying his boat up. The guy admires the Husband’s beautiful house, and inquires if that woman in the window is his wife. They continue to chat, and set up a sailing date, despite the fact that JR can’t swim.

Husband comes inside, asks Julia why she makes long distance eyes at the boat guy, and then slaps her in the face with the strength of Iron Man [yes, that is why she changed her dress].

Long story short, she devises a crazy plan, and escapes from the mansion on the beach to Iowa.

THIS ALL HAPPENED A HALF HOUR INTO THE MOVIE. What else could possibly happen?!

Husband thinks she’s dead, she found a cute little house to rent, and the next door neighbor in the new town is adorable. Life is good.

Then Husband gets a call from a lady as follows:

“We can’t stop thinking about how much we miss Laura”

“And how did you know her?”

“Oh we had swimming class with her at the YWCA” [who knew that existed?]

“You must be mistaken, she didn’t know how to swim. She drowned.”

“Oh no, she learned! She wanted to branch out from gymnastics, where she got all those awful bruises from”

Cue Husband going apeshit.

He finds out she isn’t dead, and essentially raises your blood pressure for the next hour. I fast forwarded.

[That is how you can tell a movie is really stressful, if I fast forward it. I cannot handle suspense, although I love it, so sometimes I really need to just cut to the chase.]

The movie has an amazing 90s suspenseful music soundtrack, as well as some hilarious camera angles. It does a decent job of stressing you out, and if somehow you made it almost 20 years without someone telling you the ending, you will be on the edge of your seat.

[side note: it upsets me 1991 was almost 20 years ago, I think I am going to go vomit]

Basically, you should see this movie if you liked Enough.

NOBODY BEATS JULIA ROBERTS AND GETS AWAY WITH IT.

-A

[sorry this was so disjointed, I’m still panicking]

Eat, Pray, bitch bitch bitch.

Perhaps a hostile title.

Regardless.

Last night the BF and I decided to waste yet another night at the movies.  I’d love to be able to say that I only see good movies in the theater, or I am only a patron of the local Independent Cinema. Alas, this is not the case. A rough break down of movies I have seen IN THE THEATER in the past year:

The Other Guys ..?

Alvin and the Chipmunks..II? (I have a younger sister? Is that an excuse?)

Sex and the City II (I have a gay best friend? Is that an excuse?)

Dear John (I have a vagina? I AM RUNNING OUT OF EXCUSES)

Anyways, it is pretty obvious I am not stuck up nor selective with my theater excursions.  Last night however was a rewarding Cinemark experience, with the subtle yet captivating Get Low. Unfortunately this post is not about the revival of Bill Murray in Get Low. It is about the 2 second conversation I overheard whilst standing in line to give more money to Cinemark.

An INCREDIBLY loud woman was standing behind me talking to a scared sounding couple, they appeared to have just met.

Loud Woman: I’m going to see Eat, Pray, Love have you seen it!?

Couple [woman]: YES! We loved it! He even loved it!

Couple [man]: I did. Yes, I actually did. It was actually a great movie.  I mean, Julia Roberts pretty much plays the same character in every movie. She is always Julia. But she was actually really good in it. It was great to watch.

Loud Woman: OH GREAT. I AM SO EXCITED [CAN THE WHOLE MALL HEAR ME?!]

THERE WERE SO MANY THINGS WRONG WITH THIS CONVERSATION.

#1. I literally want to kill people who talk super loud in public. Shut up. We don’t care what your boyfriend said to you, what your kid did in the department store, or what is happening inside of your body.

#2. I hate friendly strangers. [Yes Ben. You.]

#3. JULIA ROBERTS PLAYS THE SAME CHARACTER?!? Blasphemy. If you’re going to tuck your peepee and go see a Julia Roberts movie in the first place, EMBRACE THAT SHIT. Don’t hate on her. It makes you look like even MORE of a loser to critique her acting. SHE IS AMAZING SO FUN TO WATCH. You only wish you were a measly pizza waitress, who was secretly an actress in London, who was actually a prostitute with a promising future, who was the stepmom of Susan Sarandon’s kids, who LET HER BEST FRIEND MARRY CAMERON DIAZ. UGH.

[how can you not love her]

#4. (number 4 gets a whole new line…er…paragraph)

This is the reason for this post. Eat, Pray, Love has taken the nation and the sad sad women of the world by storm. Oh, you haven’t read it? Let me give you a synopsis. A woman gets a divorce; she is DEVASTATED by this new chapter in her life [get over yourself. Half of all marriages end. You’re not special]. She decides to go on a gallivanting adventure to ‘find herself’. She goes to Italy, eats lots of food, and talks about how she is getting fat. She goes to India to become one with her spiritual side. Then she goes to Bali to continue her spiritual adventure, but SURPRISE she finds love.

I read this book while spending the summer in Martha’s Vineyard. This should work to any book’s advantage because I was on a freaking island. I hated this book. With every fiber of my being.  Unfortunately I cannot not finish a book. Upon completing this EPL crap I threw it on the ground and promptly told everyone I was living with that if they read it our friendship would be instantly on the rocks. And not in a nice alcohol way.

The author, this Elizabeth Gilbert, complains like it’s her job. Which it actually is. She complained in a novel, and now is probably a millionaire. By that logic, Taryn and I could be multi millionaires, but you don’t see us profiting off of our own misery.  She doesn’t seem to realize that not everyone who goes through a divorce can afford a whirlwind love affair with country-hopping.  She is seen as this empowering woman who took time for herself, good for her. When in fact she whines, whines, whines, and then complains [what? She complains?] that Italy was making her gain weight. Wow, how empowering. Then she goes to India to ‘Pray’. Okay, how white are you E. Gilbert? You need to go to India to feel your spirituality? How about just go outside, take a walk, and stop whining. Then she goes to Bali and finds love. Okay. So E.G. is an empowered woman, who took a stand to her relationship, got a divorce and then self medicated with an elaborate vacation.  Then on the path to self discovery, she finds love. So straight out of a divorce and looking to find herself, she just finds another relationship. HOW IS THIS STORY EMPOWERING?!?

It isn’t. Don’t read it. Don’t go see it. If you do and you like it don’t tell me. We’ll be on the rocks. And not in a nice alcohol way.

-A