Not now Arctic Puffin!

Hello my little snowshoes.

 

I know I keep complaining about this, but it is SO COLD OUTSIDE. However, it is not as cold here as it is in Wisconsin. Later in the month our beloved Taryn is traveling to this random state to finish up some business. Although that sounds like code, she really is just finishing up some business [is she?]. I am very worried about little T-dog’s travels to the arctic [Wisconsin] where it has been around 12 degrees for the past week. I offered to send Taryn one of my New England tested winter parkas, she declined. I will be treating her for frostbite when she arrives in Massachusetts.

 

Day 16: The gift for that weird friend you have who still has pictures of Marilyn everywhere [most girls I know].

This skankalicious read will cost you $15 dollars, and your husband. KIDDING. This book actually digs a little deeper than the iconic fashion and drama that whirl-winded around these two legends. This book explores the dichotomy of Jackie and Marilyn and the personality traits that are associated with the two. The book also throws in some lifestyle tips concerning dating, diet, and entertaining [obviously only the essentials…]. Don’t expect literary genius out of this book, but do expect a good laugh and that one strange friend to take it seriously. [You know who I am talking about, the one who actually continues to subscribe to Cosmo]

We like stuff too.

If you have read more than one entry on this blog you know that we live on haterade. We come off as friendly (just Taryn) so we need to vent our frustrations on this blog. We are really just voicing our opinions, but I have noticed that we may be only recording our displeasures. With this in mind, I have decided to share with you some things we love (we meaning mostly me, because I am writing this, not Taryn).

I love THIS BLOG. I will give you a quick rundown. John and Sherry met, got married, bought a house, started a family, and I LOVE THEM (in the creepiest way possible). I may or may not be planning a wedding (I am) and their DIY wedding section is downright inspiring. They quit their corporate jobs to keep up with the blog where they share their projects and lives with (creepy) readers (like me). They’re home projects are amazing, and have inspired me to attempt change in my abode more than once. Also, they are funny! It’s basically a win, win, win, win, win…win…

Taryn and I LOVE this website/retail as well. These necklaces are adorable (yet small) in person. I love all the different occasions and I love the different designs. Taryn and I ordered this one ( to proclaim our love for each other).

We both LOVE Modern Family. Everything about that show is pure genius. The show is on Wednesday nights on ABC at 9pm. The show features a family and all of its extensions and the hilarity that is everyday life. Every character is well developed and the situations are somewhat common and easy to relate to. Seriously, this is the most hilarious show on television right now. Watch it, or watch something else.

Taryn and I LOVE LOVE LOVE The Emperor’s New Groove. This movie was a chance stroke of genius for Disney. The story follows a selfish emperor who has been turned into a Llama and lost his way. HILARIOUS. The dialogue featuring David Spade as Kuzco the Emperor/Llama is perfection. This was probably one of the greatest movies ever made. RENT IT. THEN BUY IT. THEN GIVE IT REPEATEDLY AS CHRISTMAS GIFTS.

Whenever I am feeling down I click to this website. The fact that I am telling you (all 5 readers) about this website is proof that I love you (I don’t actually love you.). I get a lot of my random funny “original” material from this website, but it seriously brightens my day. Daily. Feelin down? Czech it out. It’s a bundle o’ laughs.

I am obsessed with this book. Mark Haddon was originally a children’s author but he took a hiatus and wrote two adult novels, this was one of them. The story follows a kindergarten boy with Autism and is told from his perspective in its entirety. You will laugh, you will cry, you will want to go work with autistic kids (because who doesn’t). It is a really good read, pick it up if you haven’t already.

We love Elf, Stars Hollow, Vacations, and Hockey.

I love Pinnacle Whipped Cream Vodka. I am not a drinker; in fact one could say that if drinking were a skill I am awful at it. This whipped cream vodka turned my life around with its deliciousness. Take a taste, it’s cheap and worth it.

And finally, we love SoCarolineSays. We’ve followed Caroline’s blog through the good times and the bad, through name changes and URL changes, we’re in love. Caroline says all the thing we wish we could with more eloquence and substance than we could ever muster. She’s also HILARIOUS. And I just love her.

And I’m done.

Look at that! We can be positive sometimes.

-A

Eat, Pray, bitch bitch bitch.

Perhaps a hostile title.

Regardless.

Last night the BF and I decided to waste yet another night at the movies.  I’d love to be able to say that I only see good movies in the theater, or I am only a patron of the local Independent Cinema. Alas, this is not the case. A rough break down of movies I have seen IN THE THEATER in the past year:

The Other Guys ..?

Alvin and the Chipmunks..II? (I have a younger sister? Is that an excuse?)

Sex and the City II (I have a gay best friend? Is that an excuse?)

Dear John (I have a vagina? I AM RUNNING OUT OF EXCUSES)

Anyways, it is pretty obvious I am not stuck up nor selective with my theater excursions.  Last night however was a rewarding Cinemark experience, with the subtle yet captivating Get Low. Unfortunately this post is not about the revival of Bill Murray in Get Low. It is about the 2 second conversation I overheard whilst standing in line to give more money to Cinemark.

An INCREDIBLY loud woman was standing behind me talking to a scared sounding couple, they appeared to have just met.

Loud Woman: I’m going to see Eat, Pray, Love have you seen it!?

Couple [woman]: YES! We loved it! He even loved it!

Couple [man]: I did. Yes, I actually did. It was actually a great movie.  I mean, Julia Roberts pretty much plays the same character in every movie. She is always Julia. But she was actually really good in it. It was great to watch.

Loud Woman: OH GREAT. I AM SO EXCITED [CAN THE WHOLE MALL HEAR ME?!]

THERE WERE SO MANY THINGS WRONG WITH THIS CONVERSATION.

#1. I literally want to kill people who talk super loud in public. Shut up. We don’t care what your boyfriend said to you, what your kid did in the department store, or what is happening inside of your body.

#2. I hate friendly strangers. [Yes Ben. You.]

#3. JULIA ROBERTS PLAYS THE SAME CHARACTER?!? Blasphemy. If you’re going to tuck your peepee and go see a Julia Roberts movie in the first place, EMBRACE THAT SHIT. Don’t hate on her. It makes you look like even MORE of a loser to critique her acting. SHE IS AMAZING SO FUN TO WATCH. You only wish you were a measly pizza waitress, who was secretly an actress in London, who was actually a prostitute with a promising future, who was the stepmom of Susan Sarandon’s kids, who LET HER BEST FRIEND MARRY CAMERON DIAZ. UGH.

[how can you not love her]

#4. (number 4 gets a whole new line…er…paragraph)

This is the reason for this post. Eat, Pray, Love has taken the nation and the sad sad women of the world by storm. Oh, you haven’t read it? Let me give you a synopsis. A woman gets a divorce; she is DEVASTATED by this new chapter in her life [get over yourself. Half of all marriages end. You’re not special]. She decides to go on a gallivanting adventure to ‘find herself’. She goes to Italy, eats lots of food, and talks about how she is getting fat. She goes to India to become one with her spiritual side. Then she goes to Bali to continue her spiritual adventure, but SURPRISE she finds love.

I read this book while spending the summer in Martha’s Vineyard. This should work to any book’s advantage because I was on a freaking island. I hated this book. With every fiber of my being.  Unfortunately I cannot not finish a book. Upon completing this EPL crap I threw it on the ground and promptly told everyone I was living with that if they read it our friendship would be instantly on the rocks. And not in a nice alcohol way.

The author, this Elizabeth Gilbert, complains like it’s her job. Which it actually is. She complained in a novel, and now is probably a millionaire. By that logic, Taryn and I could be multi millionaires, but you don’t see us profiting off of our own misery.  She doesn’t seem to realize that not everyone who goes through a divorce can afford a whirlwind love affair with country-hopping.  She is seen as this empowering woman who took time for herself, good for her. When in fact she whines, whines, whines, and then complains [what? She complains?] that Italy was making her gain weight. Wow, how empowering. Then she goes to India to ‘Pray’. Okay, how white are you E. Gilbert? You need to go to India to feel your spirituality? How about just go outside, take a walk, and stop whining. Then she goes to Bali and finds love. Okay. So E.G. is an empowered woman, who took a stand to her relationship, got a divorce and then self medicated with an elaborate vacation.  Then on the path to self discovery, she finds love. So straight out of a divorce and looking to find herself, she just finds another relationship. HOW IS THIS STORY EMPOWERING?!?

It isn’t. Don’t read it. Don’t go see it. If you do and you like it don’t tell me. We’ll be on the rocks. And not in a nice alcohol way.

-A