Is this for real?

…I am sure this is what EVERYONE is thinking. Well to answer the impending question, yes. This is FOR REAL. It isn’t a mirage, it isn’t a dream, it isn’t a nightmare (why would it be?). You’re other favorite author is BACK!

It’s 2011, if you didn’t get that memo, and I have a feeling it is going to be one to remember. Going along with New Year tradition, I shall list my resolutions. They are short and sweet and unlike past resolutions, I WILL ACTUALLY DO THEM.

They are as follows:

1. Be a better person- Negativity gets you nowhere. It also takes more effort to be mean, than it does to be nice.

2. Work out/eat healthy- I went into the New Years already on some sort of kick, so I guess my resolution should be to keep it going.

3. Gain more self esteem- This one goes hand in hand with #2. Confidence really is more attractive. Nobody notices the little pudge in your stomach, only you do. Also I have included a blast from the past video. Nothing like a little TLC to reinforce this resolution…in the words of Chili, “just stop trippin”.  

4. Get a boyfriend- Whaaaat did I really say that? I may or may not have watched When Harry Met Sally last night. It’s a great movie revolving around acquaintances turned friends turned accidental lovers turned SOULMATES. They finally admit it to each other AT NEW YEARS. Ugh, I die. So yeah. Aud Lang with a little Syne…on the side.

5. Figure out what I want to do in the job area- Although accounting has been an experience, and I love my bosses, it seems as though it is coming to an end. No one should cringe at the sound of “trial balances”.

6. Move somewhere- I know my mom is reading this and being like, TARYN CHRISTINE (oh yeah, that’s my middle name), but for reals. I want to try something new! I’ve been in Tampa for 22 years. Actually 22 1/2 years. Yes, I will miss the beach. Yes, I will miss wearing sandals almost year round. And YES, I will miss Publix. But it is time.

Annd that rounds out my resolutions. I am sure I will think of more as the year goes on, but these are at least a good start!

Hello 2011. Bring it on.

-T

PS. I am glad Avalon shared with y’all the Surprise Engagement New Years Eve Party…It could not have been more perfect! Clayton and I were troopers, and didn’t realize we had it in us to keep a secret THAT LONG. Also, if any of you know Avalon and I, you would know that we are HUGE on planning and making schedules, then KEEPING said schedules. So I knew changing up the plans on her literally would make her want to die. It was hard, but we managed…mainly thanks to Clayton’s mental ability to keep eating.

PPS. Is it just Kasey and I who vividly remember the TLC video being a little different? AKA didn’t Chili actually get the boob job, then the fake boob fell out?! I hope someone else remembers. Otherwise there’s no convincing people we are not crazy.

2011 with a BANG! And love too.

Well My Dears,

2011 is upon us! How does it feel? Do you feel renewed and ready to conquer the world? I DO!

This year is a year of big steps for me. I have so many things already on the calendar:

#1. Get Married

#1a. Have a Bachelorette Party

#1b. Go on a Honeymoon

#2. Move for the first time in three years

#3. Change my job for the first time in two years

#4. Turn 24 [HOW DID THAT HAPPEN]

#5. Watch my sister go to Middle School…WHY, DEAR LORD.

#6. Watch my BABY BROTHER turn 21. I’m literally vomitting already.

Regardless, it is going to be a big year with a lot of big things, and it started like the best year yet. Sit back, get some tea, tell your boss to shut up, and get ready to listen to the story of the nicest thing my friends have ever done for me.

 

If you read this blog at all you will know that Taryn came to visit in order to ring in the new year together. We spent New Year’s Eve day gallivanting around so happy to be together. We attacked a nearby city/town for goodies and gifts [for ourselves]. We bought scarves, sunglasses, hats, dresses, shirts, pizza, tea….the list goes on. We frolicked from store to store without a care in the world with shopping bags in hand. Dinner time rolled around and we decided to meet up with the roommate fiancée and The Gay for Tapas at a new restaurant in town. We sat down for a round of delicious Tapas which included some bleu cheese croquettes and seared shrimp over a white wine garlic sauce. Obviously the food was amazing. As we are sitting there full and content, The Gay surprises us all with another order of Tapas for himself. We were shocked because he never eats more than we do! More on that later.

As we are leaving Taryn becomes the most needy human being on the face of the planet. First she needs to pee, then she needs to watch the roommate fiancée eat his pizza, then she needs to pee again, then she wants to follow the boys in our car, even though we drove separate cars. More on that later.

While driving home The Gay calls and asks if we could pick him up some gum. Even though he is already at the store. And we’re on the road. He was hung up on. More on that later.

We FINALLY get home together and we stagger to the front door ready to primp and prepare for the evening and….

SURPRISE

Inside our modest apartment stood some of our closest [and favorite? jk] friends in an immaculately decorated living room turned party room. There were twinkle lights everywhere, hors d’oeuvres and spirits [booze] as far as the eye could see. Upon closer inspection I found that this was in fact an ENGAGEMENT SURPRISE PARTY!! There were pictures of the fiancée and I strung about the room, cute little bride and groom cupcakes resting on the center table, adorable handmade [BY TARYN AND FAMILY?] mouths, and the smell of baked ziti wafting from the kitchen. After soaking in the decor I noticed the guests. All of my flakey friends who had either avoided me all day or lied to me about their evening plans were standing beautifully in front of me! It was like Christmas in January. And, suddenly, it all made sense. Taryn and Clayton were stalling! My friends weren’t flakey, just lovely! It was a magical evening.

And then the homemade mouths, in case that was unclear…

After the chatting, feasting, drinking, thanking, reminiscing, and presents we decided to hit the town to celebrate the New Year!

Let’s just say…we caused a scene.

I love my friends.

-A

 

SANTAAAAAAAA! I KNOW HIM!

THE LAST DAY OF OUR AMAZING GIFT GUIDE IS UPON US.

On a scale 1-1,000,000 how excited are you?!

I KNOW. Me too.

How did it get to be December 23rd? It kind of makes me want to throw up. I am not done with my Christmas shopping because I am an idiot. My Grandmother is last on my list…why is she so difficult?! Seriously. She has everything and has two hobbies. She reads and knits. BRANCH OUT GRANDMA.

Day 20: The gift for the lady in your life under the age of 40.

This American Apparel Tri Blend Lightweight Pullover for $36 is AMAZING. Half of my friends own it in a variety of colors [orchard, indigo, evergreen, black…] and it looks great on every one of them. I personally own the “Athletic Blue” version and I wear it all the time. Sometimes I wear it to bed, sometimes I wear it with jeans and riding boots…so basically you can dress it up or down. It is incredibly comfortable and versatile, a staple in my wardrobe. BONUS: FAMOUS PEOPLE WEAR IT.

Reese wears my color here in the new movie “How Do You Know[?]”.

AnnaLynne McCord wears her own special color here.

Basically, this shirt is amazing and worth every penny.

I’m about to go to my work Christmas party?

-A

He’s An Angry Elf.

Top O’ The Mornin’ to Ya,  my little gingerbread cookies!

I feel like the week before Christmas should be a holiday, more of one than it already is. I want the week off, dang it. Between work, friends in town, Christmas shopping, and compulsive baking I am exhausted! I hate to say that I still have 2 presents to get in order for my list to be complete. This is ridiculous, I know, but did you see the above list?! I have been busy! I work during normal shopping hours, and then after 6 it is pure mayhem. I went into Best Buy on Monday at around 2:30 and it was PACKED. I had to stand in line for twenty minutes to give them my money. Unbelievable.

Target was also CRAY-Z. You were warned.

I have had a hard time getting into the Christmas spirit to the extent that I have in previous years. In Christmases gone by I played Christmas music around the clock, sent out Christmas cards, and had my shopping done early. I am really slacking this year, and I plan to pick it up. For the next three days.

Ambitious, I know.

Day 19: [we’re almost done!] The gift for anyone with a brain. I said it.

Scrabble= amazing

Scrabble Anniversary Edition: $19.99

Scrabble Slam: $7.04

Scrabble for iPhone: ON SALE! $0.99!

Honestly, Scrabble is amazing. It is one of my favorite games that I have been playing my entire life. [Once on vacation on a desolate island off of Maine my brother and I played 34 games of Scrabble. The outcome is irrelevant. I wasn’t the winner. That’s enough].  I play Scrabble everyday, and I am getting better and better at it. It exercises the brain, builds vocabulary and teaches strategy. Basically, it’s amazing and every person on the planet should own it. BAM.

-A

How was school? Was it fun? Did you get a lot of homework? Huh? Do you have any friends?

Hello my little Candy Canes!

As mentioned earlier, Taryn and I are embarking on a reading challenge. We pledged to read 3 books before the New Year. This seems awfully ambitious in retrospect, given the intense amount of stress that accompanies the holiday season and those who are busy [ie not done with Christmas shopping]. I will still try and finish 3, but it’s going to be a stretch. This first book I am reading it SO LONG. However, it is amazing. If you are interested in what Taryn and I are reading, click here. We are working on it, we really are but present wrapping is awfully consuming.

Day 18: The gift for the person about to go to college/is in college/is in grad school…

An iSkin Keyboard Protector for $20.99. We’ve all spilled something on our laptops before, and it’s devastating. I now work closely with computers and I know a little bit about liquid damage. Once you spill something on your computer, it’s really all down hill from there. Even if the liquid doesn’t immediately damage your computer and keep you from utilizing it, the liquid is still there. The liquid will slowly corrode components within the machine inevitably making the computer beyond repair. BE CAREFUL! But, if you aren’t careful this is the thing for you. In college dorms people are reckless and water [beer] gets spilled all the time. These little protectors aren’t immune to letting liquid by, but they certainly help, not to mention they are flashy! They feel nice under the fingers, and they preserve the keys for longer. Win, win, win. I’m typing on one as we speak! [I’m not]

-A

I’m in a Store and I’m Sing-ing!

Hello my little Christmas Donkeys,

Ugh is it Christmas yet? So much anticipation, it is killing me! I love buying people presents, but I hate opening them. Note that I didn’t say I hate receiving them. I just feel so incredibly awkward opening a present in front of the gift-giver. I feel super aware of my face and my body language while simultaneously bracing my brain for a quick reaction [lie] if necessary. It stresses me out. I would rather open them in private and muster up a sincere response, rather than the stock “OH GOSH I LOVE IT” that automatically comes out of my mouth no matter what.

Well, now that I have completed my duty of looking like a complete brat today, onwards and upwards.

Day 17: The gift for the person who cooks for you

This Soup and Sandwich Tray Duo for $30 is nothing short of ADORABLE. My staple meal is spicy tomato soup and grilled cheese. I eat it once a week and then lie down on the couch in pure full bliss. This little number would be perfect for my favorite meal, and also perfect for basically anything else. Fruit salad and toast, ice cream and pie, salad and fish…the list goes on. This tray is ideal for a beautiful yet simple display for dinner with guests, or dinner in front of Bravo on a Tuesday night [my life].

WHERE IS MY SNOW?!

-A

Not now Arctic Puffin!

Hello my little snowshoes.

 

I know I keep complaining about this, but it is SO COLD OUTSIDE. However, it is not as cold here as it is in Wisconsin. Later in the month our beloved Taryn is traveling to this random state to finish up some business. Although that sounds like code, she really is just finishing up some business [is she?]. I am very worried about little T-dog’s travels to the arctic [Wisconsin] where it has been around 12 degrees for the past week. I offered to send Taryn one of my New England tested winter parkas, she declined. I will be treating her for frostbite when she arrives in Massachusetts.

 

Day 16: The gift for that weird friend you have who still has pictures of Marilyn everywhere [most girls I know].

This skankalicious read will cost you $15 dollars, and your husband. KIDDING. This book actually digs a little deeper than the iconic fashion and drama that whirl-winded around these two legends. This book explores the dichotomy of Jackie and Marilyn and the personality traits that are associated with the two. The book also throws in some lifestyle tips concerning dating, diet, and entertaining [obviously only the essentials…]. Don’t expect literary genius out of this book, but do expect a good laugh and that one strange friend to take it seriously. [You know who I am talking about, the one who actually continues to subscribe to Cosmo]

What’s This?? What’s This?? There’s Something in the Air!

I’m feeling really bad about my extreme shopping hiatus [slacking] that I am on…

Make me feel better.

-A[valon]

It’s Just Nice to Meet Another Human That Shares My Affinity for Elf Culture.

Hello My Little Reindeer!

I am freezing. I have goosebumps all over my body. The thermostat in my office CLAIMS it is 73.6 degrees, but I know it’s lying. Either that or I am dying so 73 degrees feels cold. I cannot believe it is already the 15th, WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE?! Somehow I am still only half done with my Christmas shopping. I really need to step it up. Sadly no one left on my list would benefit from this masterpiece of a gift I’ve picked out…

Day 15: The gift for anyone who wears makeup

Face and Eye Travel Brush Kit: $32. This lovely set is from Sephora and really is a great deal. Surprisingly makeup brushes are expensive, so the prices rack up quickly when you are purchasing multiples. This set is especially handy because it is a “travel set”, meaning it has a small little carrying pouch and the brushes don’t have insanely long handles. It is so important to have a good quality makeup brush, especially for those of you with sensitive skin.

[Also, if you’re buying this for yourself, remember to wash your brushes every once in awhile! Like anything else, makeup brushes can have germ build up and can begin to cause breakouts if not cleaned properly. Wash your brushes with soapy water and fan them out gently to dry.]

-A

Actually I’m a human, but I was raised by elves.

We all have heard of my darling momma. Much to her dismay, I am sure, this post is dedicated to her. Well it is dedicated to both my mom AND my dad.

I get an email from my mom the other day, that looks VERY SIMILAR (see: direct quotes) to this:

“Okay, some ideas for padre and madre

 Padre 

1.  Thermos for work (tall,thin one not short fat) Walmart, Target, Publix, Walgreens…seriously many stores have them. Maybe even Big Lots!!!!
2. Footie socks – nothing girlie! You could always stuff his thermos with socks!
3. Candy
4. Kris Kristofferson CD
5. Whistle for kayak
6. Reading glasses – like socks, nothing girlie. I think he would need the 1X magnification. Walgreens, Target…

 Madre – not from y’all, but you’ll need to help dad!

1. Velour pants & zip jacket. NO NO NO to the following: light, baby anything colors, embellishments (rhinestones,beads…) any writing/name of athletic club or city. YES YES YES to dark colors – navy, brown, black. No hoodie on the jacket prefered, but will accept a hoodie.
2. Long pants & long sleeve button-up pajama set – size S. I know you may be thinking…She wears a M…but please get a small. I will gladly return it for a larger size after trying it on myself. I don’t mind prints, plaids, or even solid colors. Unlike the velour outfit, I don’t mind the baby colors, although not really fond of lavender. If it’s a print, make sure it’s fun…no cats, lighthouses. If you would wear it, then I will like it. Please no satin. Flannel or cotton okay. If you can’t find button up, then a round-neck cotton shirt will be fine.”

 Everything about this email made me literally LOL.

First of all. My dad loves him some candy. That was NOT a joke on what to get him for Christmas. Get him a bag of Runts and he will be as giddy as a school girl…kind of. Awkward image.

Second of all. My mother is hilarious. She is a typical GIRL. I thought I was the only one who asked for a potentially smaller size, and then would take it back? No? Not just me? In my mom’s defense, she is a small on the bottoms. But much like Sofia Vergara (see Golden Globe post below), she is a medium top-if ya know what I mean.

Third of all. I wrote my mom back saying that I would be sure to tell dad, and this was her response:

” I just don’t want to sound biotchy (however you say it), but with dad I have to be specific, cause he tends to hear the things I don’t want. Seriously. If I verbally told him these and without y’alls help he would get me a baby blue rhinestoned out FUBU velour outfit! I would look like Beyonce’s twin!!.”

Oh. She went there.

Onto our Christmas Gift Ideas…I do believe we are onto Day 14. If not, please alert us ASAP. No need to get jipped here, folks!

Day 14: For those of you who aren’t provided with detailed lists/are a typical guy and can’t remember rhinestones are never really that cool on velour outfits

Pandora Jewelry, assorted errthaang (charms, bracelets, necklaces, rings YOU NAME IT)

Price: Under 100-MILLIONS (actually I don’t know the limit, but it can get pretty pricey)

Shop: Pandora, Kay Jewelers, Jared

Pandora charms and jewelry are a great way to say “I love you, but I really don’t know what velour means”. Women of all ages will love this. Whether its your grandma who likes bright colors (my gramma di- yes that’s her name), or the grandmother who like flashes of color but not jewelery (see: Pandora Brooches). Or perhaps you need that something special for you mom/wife/girlfriend! The wrap up the age spectrum going here, it’s a great starter charm bracelet for the teenagers and girls. There are so many different charms and beads to choose from, you are sure to find the perfect combination! Even if you still don’t know the right charms to buy, you can atleast buy the bracelet (or necklace or whatever) and bring that special someone to the store and have them pick out the charms! You’re the hero for buying the jewelry, and the hero for not picking out some ugly rhinestone studded velour suit. It’s win-win!

Oh. Btw. Bracelets/necklaces are one size fits all. So no harm, no foul on that potential train wreck!

-T