Don’t Be Fooled by the Rocks That I’ve Got….

Jenny from the Block?!

The roommate fiancée and I have started watching American Idol. I watched the first few seasons, but the other guy over there is a complete rookie. He was shocked at how short Ryan Seacrest is. Regardless, this season is quite interesting. For a change of pace, the judge’s table now hosts Steven Tyler and Jennifer Lopez, alongside good old Randy Jackson. Steven Tyler spends most of his time oggling young girls while J. Lo tells people that their singing skills aren’t up to par. Um, J. Lo, we remember this. Poor Ben.

Regardless, this season has a few highlights, and I’m excited about them. I am incredibly saddened and only just now recovering from my darling Chris Medina being kicked off, but I suppose there are some good ones still left.

This week we got to watch the guys and girls perform on separate nights songs of their choosing. I was actually disappointed by who is left in the running. Some of the people up on stage were just AWFUL [bring back Chris…]. Mixed in with all the awful were my two favorite performers and hopefully contenders for the title in the end [or I am boycotting the show – dramatic, I know].

For the guys, I am falling in love with the sound and the nerdiness that is Casey Abrams.

He is so good! If you missed his Hollywood performance you should check it out, it is my favorite by far.

For girls, I love the little nugget that is Lauren Alaina. This adorable person is something like 16 years old, and she just has the most amazing voice! In her audition she sang that dumb song from Armageddon with Steven Tyler, and it was adorable.

How cute is she!

Word on the street is American Idol vet Kelly Clarkson already has her eye on this girl!

I am obsessed with this dumb show, so for more updates stay tuned, because I am sure I will be forcing them on you.

-A

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Excuse Me While I Cry My Brains Out.

When I was younger I used to be a stone cold bitch, like Taryn. I used to watch movies where awful things happen, Hallmark commercials, and moving Oprahs without shedding a tear. I used to break up with boyfriends, tear muscles in dance, and get yelled at by my mother without even so much as a second thought to sadness.

Then my younger brother and I discovered Extreme Home Makeover. Every Sunday we would sneak to the television [we weren’t allowed to watch TV?] and watch families in extreme circumstances get their dream homes. We would sit there and cry every single time. Extreme Home Makeover broke my seal of tears.

Now I cry at everything. As soon as tears start coming out of another persons eyes I can feel the tears coming out of mine. It’s ridiculous really, and I wish it would stop. That new Disney commercial where the kids are surprised with a trip to Disney World? I cry. The Folgers commercial where the daughter came home late, but was engaged? I cry. Anything having to do with soldiers coming home? I cry.

But I digress.

Last night I forced my roommate fiancée to watch American Idol with me. Unlike the majority of the population I hate the auditions that suck. It makes me uncomfortable and usually I have to change the channel. Yes, I am that weird. Last night after 2 hours of auditions the last guy came beeboppin into the room to grace J.Lo, Steven Tyler, and Randy Jackson [Mr. Jackson if you’re nasty] with his presence and his HEARTBREAKING STORY.

“What kind of guy would I be if I walked out on her when she needed me the most”

UM OKAY TEARS ALL OVER MY FACE.

I seriously sat there next to my roommate fiancée and my cat bawling my eyes out. I was so touched by this man that if he doesn’t win American Idol then I will personally smack every judge and person in the face. Starting with Ryan Seacrest.  I was still crying after the show had ended. What is my problem. More importantly, how amazing is that man?

-A

Nail done, hair done, everything done…

Hello minions,

I was blog hopping recently, when I happened upon some old classic tunes I once loved like they were my own eggs in my seahorse brood pouch.

When I was younger I literally felt music in my being. I was angsty, and I would just sit up in my room (Brandy?) and listen to music.

What is upsetting to me is that the musicians of my yesteryears who once provided me so much entertainment, suddenly take themselves seriously. This is an upsetting epidemic that is sweeping our generations pop idols. I don’t want the people I looked up to in my childhood doing adult things! That is preposterous! And disturbing. You are in the public eye people, how dare you change.

Oh you say you want a list of celebrities that have casued me emotional distress by changing their image and proving to me that I am aging?

Done and done.

J. Lo

When I was in fifth grade I saw Selena and cried like a baby (because I was one). This is where my J. Lo infatuation began. Then she graced us with “If You Had My Love“, which I ate up like it was curly fries (I love curly fries, and you loved the song, so don’t lie). Then she started dating P. Diddy, which was like the highlight of my life. I LOVED ghetto Jennifer Lopez.

WHO DIDN’T LOVE THIS SONG?! Seriously this song is a time machine back to middle school or so, and it is a JAM.

Then she became to cool for court cases and guns in night clubs, and started dating Ben Affleck, and her life went downhill from there.

J. Lo then:

J. Lo…EXCUSE ME, Jennifer Lopez today:

Oh you think you’re fancy huh?

On to the next.

Justin Timberlake

Um, who did not love N’Sync? Besides people who loved the Backstreet Boys…obviously you had to pick sides. He looked a little girly, and sang like one too… what is not to love?! Seriously, I loved him.

Look at those eyes! That hair! Side note: I’m pretty sure when you are crazy you don’t get to stay in a padded room with all your friends. Just saying.

Then Justin went and did his solo thing, which was awesome. Now…he’s boring. He goes to charity events, stars in movies, and is lapdog to his less than amazing girlfriend. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?! YOU WERE A SENSATION!

Justin then:

Justin now:

Can you say downgrade? I can. Downgrade. But seriously JT, where is your Pizazz?! You’ve failed me, please bring sexy back again.

Gwen Stefani

When I was younger, I LOVED NO DOUBT. I would listen to the radio’s countdown every night just to hear Spiderwebs. I was obsessed with Tragic Kingdom and Gwen’s amazing style. She was punk, unique, platinum blonde and super talented as the front woman of No Doubt. It was downright inspiring. And then she ruined everyone’s ears with “Holla Back Girl”. And then….she became a mom. Yuck. Just kidding. [Is she?]

So fresh! So Ska! So California! BRING IT BACK GWEN.

Gwen Then:

Ooo! So grungey, so raw.

Gwen Now:

Ooo how… mom like…. ARE THOSE RACER STRIPE!? Come ON! HEINOUS! Props for the hot husband though.

And this concludes this recap of my youth, and all it’s lost glory.

-A

August 28

As I was at work, doing NOTHING (actually this is busy season and I am knee deep in financial statements, NO BIG DEAL) I decided to look up random (not really) dates on wikipedia . One in particular…August 28.

Clearly Wikipedia is the source of all knowledge. Yes, ALL. I almost take it offensively when professors/people say it isn’t a legitimate source.

Uhm. Hold the phone.

Do you really know that Wiki is lying about the early childhood of Mark Wahlberg and how he is the youngest of nine children? No. You don’t. So, don’t mess with me on this one (see: Jennifer Aniston and Thanksgiving).

With that being said (angrily?) I decided to Wiki this date. And came up with some very interesting facts. LEGITIMATE facts, at that.

Before we get into the awesome historical facts, August 28th is the 240th day of the year, meaning there are only 125 days left in the year. I am a numbers person, and I love that both of those numbers are divisible by 5. I nerd out sometimes, SO WHAT. We all do. Don’t deny it.

Anyway, let’s start with the low points on this date in history…

  • In 1996, Prince Charles and Princess Diana divorce (he’s a looker, is he not?). So far, NOT so good for this date. I personally love Princess Diana. She is the predecessor to my present day love affair for Jennifer Aniston. Also, how unfortunate all the material for her dress had to go to waste! Here, for those of you not understanding my reference, take a look at the wedding dress Princess Di donned on her wedding day…it weighed 580 pounds (also divisible by 5, holla).
  • In 2005, Hurricane Katrina begins to make landfall in Louisiana and Mississippi. Which was the COSTLIEST, as well as one of the top five DEADLIEST hurricanes in United States history. To try and top that, it was the sixth STRONGEST hurricane recorded in the Atlantic. Those are some intense superlatives.
  • In 1818 Jean Baptiste Point du Sable died. Oh who is this, you’re wondering? I am glad you asked. It was the founder of Chicago! Yep. Thanks to him we have things like Oprah. And deep dish pizza (can we please look at this oxymoron of a picture?) ALSO, we have founders of cities? That seems weird to me. Wouldn’t his title just be the “person who came up with the name”?
  • In 1990, we lost a very important figure. That’s right. I am referring to none other than Willy Vandersteen, the Belgian cartoonist! Okay, I mainly put him in here as a shout out to my roots. But, ’tis sad nonetheless. Also, I wikied his cartoons…we haven’t heard of any of them. Well, probably not anyway.
  • In 2007, Arthur Jones died. His fun fact is that he invented the Nautilus exercise machines! He essentially is the reason I begrudgingly go to the gym.
  • In 2009, Adam Goldstein passed away. We all know Mr. Goldstein as DJ AM. Aka ex boyfriend of Nicole Richie. Aka really skinny guy that dated that famous singers adopted daughter.

SO SAD. What a horrible day in history, clearly!!!! Before the tears are shed, let’s take a looksie at the GOOD that befell on this day…

  • 1609, hottie with a body Henry Hudson discovers Delaware Bay. YAY
  • 1789, William Herschel discovers a new moon, entitled Enceladus, of Saturn. YAY for science!
  • 1961, Motown releases it’s first hit, “Please Mr. Postman” by the Marvelettes.  Gotta love some Motown
  • 2004, George Brunstad (who? I’m getting to it. CALM DOWN) became the oldest man to swim the English Channel. He was 70. SEVENTY. It took him 15 hours and 59 minutes. Let’s think about our relatives at or around the age of 70. Would they, COULD they do this? The answer is no. Must be those damn fish and chips that make for a healthy lifestyle!
  • In 1801 Antoine Augustin Cournot was born. Shout out to my seester, he’s a French mathematician. He actually introduced formulas and probability into economics. I did not know this! Wow. I am learning so much.
  • In 1878 George Whipple was born. As in, the doctor that discovered the disease known as the Whipple Disease (didn’t see that coming, huh). ALSO as in the episode of Grey’s where Cristina thinks that an old scrub nurse needs a Whipple, but she actually never needed one and Cristina likes her more than she thought she would. ALSO sidenote of the episode, it’s the one where a patient (Jorge) accidentally shoots himself in the head with a nail gun. SURPRISE turns out that he has a tumor and he may lose his memory aka the memory of his wife (Zona, pronounced Sonya) in red. DILEMMA. Thus one of my favorite Grey’s quotes (said by Zona), “he will still be my Jor-ge”-but in a Spanish-y accent. Love it.
  • In 1943 Lou Pinella was born. Tampa native shout out! Tampa Bay Rays shout out! Cubs shout out! Funny story, my family and I have seen Sweet Lou at our local weekly restaurant a handful of times. One time in particular my mom felt the need to talk to him. So she waltzed over and goes, “Hey Lou!”. Like they’re buddies. This story seems nonchalant, but at the time I was embarrassed.
  • In 1958, Scott Hamilton tripled axled his way onto Earth. I think he was born with skates on…or so Wiki says. Pssh how could you NOT believe this site?!
  • In 1965, Shania Twain was born. “Man! I feel like a woman”, were probably the thoughts going on in her head. Oh also, I wish I knew whose bed the boots were really under. “From this moment” on, I won’t make anymore lyrical puns. All I have to say about this is, “that don’t impress me much”.
  • In 1969, Jason Priestley was born. 9021-SHUT UP. Ugh this post makes me want to go to the Peach Pit while Dylan and Kelly making everyone’s ears bleed about how much they love each other but aren’t together. Barf. Just let me know when Brian Austin Green’s bday is. All I care about. Sorry Brando-errr, I mean Jason. Don’t judge me for knowing their names.
  • In1982, everyone’s lives were lit up when LeAnn Rimes was born (yea more lyrical puns). I am so “blue” that I have to end my excerpt on her. (Am I? No). Also. Remember when she married her dancer when she was like 11? Not really she was older, but not by much. What is with marrying your dancer? First LeAnn, then J.Lo, then Britney. COME ON PEOPLE. Give dancers a better name. “Hi I’m K Fed, I am a dancer and a divorcee” just doesn’t roll off the tongue nicely. Actually. K Fed has bigger problems than his marriage status. Literally BIGGER.
  • Finally, in 1991 Kyle Massey was born. Who? ONLY THE KID THAT I HAVEN’T KNOWN HIS NAME FOR WEEKS NOW. He was formerly known as “The kid on That’s So Raven” (referencing my Dancing With the Star’s posts). I am SO HAPPY he was on this date. It seems so appropriate considering later on today my awesomely awaited (is it?) DWTS update post will be up.

Gotta love Wikipedia

-T