I’ll Never Let Go Jack, I’ll Never Let Go…

[cue: letting go]

Hello darlings!

This morning, like every morning, I woke up early to get some yoga in before work [see: watch tv]. As I was getting my channel surf/sun salutation on, I came across a diamond in the rough of morning television… A Walk to Remember. I immediately curled up on the couch with a bowl of cereal and my cat to watch Mandy Moore serenade and win over Shane West with her enchanting performance of “Only Hope”. I first saw AWTR when I was in 7th grade and my hormones were in full force. I wasn’t your typical angsty teenager, but I was in desperate need of some romance in my life. In this situation, romance came in the form of a Nicholas Sparks book-turned-feature film. 10 years later and I still choose AWTR over anything else on television.

And now, for a list [YOU KNEW IT WAS COMING]

Chick flicks I can watch over and over and I just can’t let go:

In no specific order…

#1. Steel Magnolias

Oh this movie. I first saw this movie when I was 13 [see: still needed the romance], and I was unprepared. The AMAZING cast [Sally Field, Dolly Parton, Shirley McLaine, Daryl Hannah, Olympia Dukakis, and YES that is Julia Roberts] delivers southern charm from the very beginning of the film. Roberts plays a young woman about to be married and the daughter of Fields. The movie follows Shelby [the character played by Roberts] and her journey as a newlywed and a diabetic. The rest of the women play supportive friends of the family that all come together when [SPOILER ALERT] Shelby dies. That’s right. You spend the whole movie loving young, adorable, southern Shelby, and the she dies. Just like that. For some reason I feel the need to revisit this tragedy at least once a year. Every year I cry.


#2. A Walk to Remember

Oh diseases. In this film Ms. Mandy Moore [alliteration?] plays Jamie, a religious high school outcast. Shane West plays the brooding, smokin’ hot bad ass Landon, who meets Jamie through court ordered community service [winner]. Although Jamie is a super nerd and wears overalls hottie McHotpants Landon falls in love with her, only to find that GASP! SHE HAS LEUKEMIA. Cue: crying for the rest of the movie. Landon spends all his time trying to make all her dreams come true before [she dies] time runs out. When I was younger I was stricken by this incredible gesture, and I wanted a Landon for my own. As an adult I realize meeting guys at their court ordered community service is less that ideal. Despite my older and wiser knowledge, I still love this movie and will watch it any time. I love the awful dialogue and the classic N. Sparks storyline [see: they fall in love].


#3. My Best Friend’s Wedding

Seriously, how many times and different ways do you think I can blog about this movie? I seriously seriously seriously love this movie. I know, you thought I was joking. That is why I had to reiterate how serious I am. This movie is everything I love in a movie. Julia Roberts, Gay Best Friend, Singing, Comedy, “The Way You Look Tonight”… what is not to love. When I watch this movie I can only hope the following things: that I never have a friend that drives like Cameron Diaz, that my dad is forever as nice as Cameron’s dad, that my GBF stops me from being a psycho path [that means you Clayton], and that “The Way You Look Tonight” follows me around at all times. You may notice that this is the second Julia Roberts movie on the list, SO WHAT. I love Ms. Roberts, and I could have made this list with only her movies, but I resisted.


#4. The Notebook


This movie may or may not own my life. One time on vacation in the Dominican Republic, Taryn, Clayton, and I decided to skip the beach to watch The Notebook for maybe the millionth time. I first saw this movie in theaters and I had no idea what it was about. I had just broken up with my bf at the time and my Gay BFFL took me to see that [GREAT CHOICE CLAYTON]. After crying my eyes out, I knew that this movie would be a staple in my life. I like crying, SO WHAT. The most epic part of this movie was that they were a couple in REAL LIFE! My heart literally broke into a million pieces when they broke up. I watched an old interview with him recently and he said something along the lines of “People always think Rachel and I are like the couple in the movie, and frankly it is insulting. We are way more romantic in real life”. THEN DO THE WORLD A FAVOR AND GET BACK TOGETHER.


#5. Titanic

Oh the original.

I begged my mother to let me see this movie for years.  Given that I was only in 4th grade when it came out, I was met with some resistance. FINALLY she gave in, with one stipulation: I had to watch it with my dad. ‘No big deal’ I thought, little did I know I would be sitting through a sweaty sex scene next to my father. Awkward. In high school my friends and I used to leave parties early, race home together, snuggle up in bed and turn on Titanic. Every weekend. I KNOW RIGHT WE WERE SO COOL. Leo’s charm won me over in this movie, and to this day when I watch it I get very upset that annoying Rose lives, and lovely Jack sinks to the bottom of the ocean. There was definitely room for both of them on that floating mantle. Greedy hobag.

So these are mine, what are the chick flicks you can’t live without!?



Movie Review of the Week!

Hello ducklings!

Over the weekend I was warmed with a surprise from my lover friend Laurel. Laurel has recently left me for a life in the real world, so I was jumping with joy upon her return visit. Immediately we decided that we would go to the movies, because this was a pastime we greatly enjoyed.

[When I say greatly enjoyed, I mean seriously. We went to the movies 4 times a month. Or so. Maybe more]

Quite obviously, we decided we’d pop in to see No Strings Attached.

I know. How adorable.

I really do love both Ashton and Natalie and was excited to see them acting in love.


Adam [Ashton] met Emma [Nats] at summer camp when they were 12ish. Adam is a little bitch and Emma is a non affectionate shoulder to cry on. Later on in life they find that they keep running into each other and cannot stop locking love eyes. Emma offers him a bed to sleep of the drunk one night, and thus begins the whirlwind relationship that is”sex friends”. Adam begins to catch feelings, Emma is a stone cold bitch. What will happen in the end?!

What I liked:

I couldn’t really tell if Ashton and Natalie had chemistry, because I like them both so much I would watch them build card houses. So I guess that’s a good thing. They were enjoyable to watch and both so adorable that you left the movie trying to find Ashton on twitter to tell him he needs to dump scary Demi and try to claim babydaddyhood to that child in Nats belly. The jokes were awkward and slapstick appreciated. Most appreciated was Ashton and how simply adorable he was. A carrot bouquet instead of flowers? Yes, please.

What I liked less:

I felt about this movie how I feel about Sex and the City in my old age.  When I was younger I loved the ladies, and even loved Carrie. I was ecstatic when Big met Carrie in Paris to whisk her off her feet and live happily ever after. I, like every other woman in America, had amnesia and couldn’t recall a day where Big treated Carrie like anything less than a princess. OH WAIT. Women around the world were blinded and told that the guy that broke your heart, yea him. You know the one. Eventually he will come around and love you forever. Just stick it out. NOT TRUE. No Strings Attached essentially tells you that your random hook up with a hot guy will turn into an amazing connection. Your random hook up will not be a loser, but in fact will be a creative, sweet, and thoughtful hot man. False promises.

Go see it if: you are in the mood for a better than average chick flick.

Don’t go see it if: you are recently single or delusional.


The day after the day after the day after Christmas!

IE Another Movie Review.


Hello my dears!

How were your holidays? Still carrying over into the work week? I had an EXTRA long weekend because I always have Mondays off. Needless to say I am basically crying here in my office chair staring at my office computer, both of which are painful reminders that I am no longer in bed. WAH. Great news however. MY BFFL CO-AUTHOR of this blog is coming to the arctic to visit in a mere TWO DAYS. THAT’S RIGHT. REUNITED AT LAST. I am going to clean my house and buy enough Greek yogurt to swim in [it seriously accounts for 50% of our daily food consumption].

REGARDLESS. To keep my excitement at bay I sat down with my soon-to-be-departed Laurel and my roommate fiancée to watch a movie. Upon very little convincing we decided on the new movie “Easy A” because I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. Our resident Gay and the Golden Globes recognized this film with high accolades, so there had to be something worthwhile within it.

This movie was kind of amazing.

This movie follows a young girl [played by Emma Stone] as she suffers through a bit of high school and all that it has to offer. I enjoy Emma Stone for her slapstick humor, her subtle poise, and her weird throaty voice. She uses her slapstick quite a bit in this movie as she climbs the social ladder from a nobody to a slutty body. Begun somewhat accidentally Olive [Stone] starts a rumor about her sexual escapades to avoid a conversation with her incredibly irritating best friend. Word of her sluttiness [see: lies] gets around and pretty soon her GBBFL [Gay best friend for life, COME ON KEEP UP] is asking her to also lie and say she slept with him so he will stop being hazed. Pretty soon Olive is faux sluttin’ it up all over town, obviously with repercussions; see: the movie.

Highlights [reasons to see the movie]:

#1. Penn Badgley is in it. He is so hot, and does NOT disappoint in this movie. There is one scene where he is getting out of a swimming pool. This scene is irrelevant to the whole movie and entirely gratuitous, but I am not complaining.

#2. Amanda Bynes is in it. I LOVE Amanda Bynes. I am a little bit of a movie snob but I found myself literally laughing out loud to both “She’s the Man” and “Sydney White” and who could forget a segment called “ASK ASHLEY” on a little show we remember, ALL THAT!

#3. The rest of the supporting cast is PHE-NOMENAL. Stanley Tucci and Patricia Clarkson play Olive’s AMAZING parents with stability we can only hope for as parents. [I told my roommate fiancée I wanted to be that kind of parent when I grew up. He told me I need to relax]

#4. The movie has a good message and you will spend the rest of your evening racking your brain trying to remember if you ostracized a girl you didn’t even know for getting more play than you did in high school.


So in conclusion, see this movie. Unless you are square. Or a skank. KIDDING! Everyone will enjoy it. Except probably your dad.


Our Golden Globe Gabfest

[Yes, that is just a random picture of Kate Winslet with a Golden Globe. I put it there because I thought it was funny. Because it is.]

Best Picture, Drama:

Black Swan, The Fighter, Inception, The King’s Speech, Social Network

Avalon: Hm. This is difficult because I have seen all of 1 of these films. I would love for The Fighter or Black Swan to win, but I think it might be Inception. UGH. I saw The Social Network and if that wins I am calling Shenanigans.
Taryn: This is extremely difficult. I saw ZERO OF THESE. Uhm. I say Fighter (due to Marky Mark, obvi). If not, Inception. Almost positive people pooped in their pants whenever that movie was brought up. I heard the King’s Speech is favored. Which is about King George (?) getting over his STUTTER. I want t-t-t-t-t-o see t-t-t-t-his.

Best Picture, Comedy/Musical:

Alice in Wonderland, Burlesque, The Kids Are All Right, Red, The Tourist

Avalon: Once again, tough because I didn’t see every single film on the list. I enjoyed The Kids Are All Right but I didn’t think it was really award material. Alice in Wonderland was also entertaining, but not that out of the ordinary. I’m going to say my guess for this category is going to be Red.
Taryn: Did I not see movies this year? I only saw Alice in Wonderland. Annd I DIDN’T enjoy. Why? Because as I child I was obsessed with the cartoon. So. Yeah. Change is hard for me when it comes to cartoon vs. live action Disney. If Burlesque wins, I’m gonna vomit.

Best Actress, Drama:

Halle Berry, Frankie and Alice; Nicole Kidman, Rabbit Hole; Jennifer Lawrence, Winter’s Bone; Michelle Williams, Blue Valentine; Natalie Portman, Black Swan.

Avalon: I’m picking Natalie Portman out of principle. I love that girl.
Taryn: I am choosing Michelle Williams, mainly because she got to make out with RyRy.

Best Actor, Drama:

Jesse Eisenberg, The Social Network; Colin Firth, The King’s Speech; James Franco, 127 Hours; Ryan Gosling, Blue Valentine; Mark Wahlberg, The Fighter.

Avalon: Oooo, a toss up. I love James Franco and I think he is genius. He is so random, but so amazing. However my pick for this category is Ryan Gosling. Although I once again, haven’t seen the movie, I already know I am going to love it.
Taryn: UGH MY THREE BOYZ ARE IN THIS. Uhm. I obviously didn’t see any of these, so it is going to be based strictly on looks/my love. I think I am going to go with James Franco. I think I love him the most. And not in a platonic way. Actually none of these would be platonic. But Ryan Gosling is just perfection. Decisions. I will hold strong with James Franco. Yep. Definitely James. (yes, I am still deciding in my head as I keep typing). Okay. Yes. Go James (but RyRy if you win, I always loved you).

Best Actress, Comedy:

Annette Bening, The Kids Are All Right; Anne Hathaway, Love and Other Drugs; Angelina Jolie, The Tourist; Emma Stone, Easy A; Julianne Moore, The Kids Are All Right;

Avalon: I am going to pick Anne. I feel like every other actress in this category played themselves in their movie. Bening was neurotic, Moore was down to earth and ginger-like, Jolie was pretty, Stone was the underdog that ended on top [pun?]. Anne Hathaway however, did not play herself. She played a young woman with Parkinson’s disease, and played the role astonishingly well.
Taryn: I obviously don’t want Angelina. ON PRINCIPLE. I agree with Anne as well. I need to see it. ALSO. She got to make out with Jake-y poo. I hope she tried to woo him away from T.Swift. I will always be Team Hathaway, if it comes down to it. Watch yo back, Taylor.

Best Actor, Comedy:

Kevin Spacey, Casino Jack; Jake Gyllenhaal, Love and Other Drugs; Johnny Depp, Alice in Wonderland; Johnny Depp, The Tourist; Paul Giamatti, Barney’s Version.

Avalon: I think we all know who I will pick. Gyllenhaal it is. Although I love me some Kevin Spacey, I really cannot escape my Gyllenhaal love. It’s blinding me.
Taryn: Jake. All the way. Hands down, pants down. I just made that up. I kind of LOVE it. .

TV Series, Drama:

Mad Men, Dexter, Boardwalk Empire, The Good Wife, The Walking Dead

Avalon: My pick is most certainly Dexter. I love this show, some might say I am addicted. I love the character development and the gripping story line. The writers convinced the audience to love a serial killer, obviously this show is genius.
Taryn: Once again watch none of these. UGH. I say Mad Men. To be different, and the guy is hot. I am almost positive if there is a hot guy in a show, that will always be my favorite. I am very shallow in that sense. I also, have zero apologies for having my opinions swayed because of said reason.

Best Actor, TV Drama:

Steve Buscemi, Boardwalk Empire; Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad; Michael C. Hall, Dexter; Jon Hamm, Mad Men; Hugh Laurie, House.

Avalon: Once again, going with Dexter. Before the current season began, Hall was battling cancer and undergoing chemotherapy. After beating the cancer Hall came back with an outstanding performance in what could be the best season of Dexter yet. His character is multi faceted and Hall subtly exhibits these depths. Hall has you believing you saw character traits you that weren’t portrayed on purpose. They are always on purpose.
Taryn: Jon Hamm, to be consistent. Hottie with a body. (Does he?)

Best Actress, TV Comedy:

Toni Collette, The United States of Tara; Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie; Tina Fey, 30 Rock; Laura Linney, The Big C; Lea Michele, Glee.

Avalon: Oh! This is so hard. For me, I am going with Edie Falco. Similar to Dexter she’s the bad-good guy. She’s a cheater and a pill popper with a heart of gold and a knack for creative medicine.
Taryn: I am NOT saying Lea. I think I might actually hate her, (and yes it’s mainly due to the story Caroline shared with us). Harsh words. But if I was in a room with Angelina Jolie, Lea Michele, Rebecca Romjin and some other girl I don’t like, I’d choose Lea to hate the most. I am going with Tina Fey. I love her. I love Date Night. I love SNL. I love 30 Rock (the three episodes I’ve watched). So yay. Go Tina!

Best Actor, TV Comedy:

Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock; Steve Carell, The Office; Thomas Jane, Hung; Matthew Morrison, Glee; Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory.

Avalon: Steve Carell. For sure. This is his last season of The Office and I think we should let him out with a bang. He brings the laughs every single week with the antics of the world’s worst [or best] boss.
Taryn: Steve Carell, for me as well. I love the thought of him going out with a bang (not literally, ew).  I’m in a weird mood. And Michael Scott is always in a weird mood. We are kin, in tv world. STILL IN A WEIRD MOOD.

Best Animated Film:

Tangled, Toy Story 3, How to Train Your Dragon, Despicable Me, The Illusionist.

Avalon: I am sorry Ladies and Gents, I am calling this one a tie. I loved Tangled, as already mentioned, and I loved Despicable Me. Both were hilarious and so different. I can’t even explain how torn I am. This is like Sophie’s Choice all over again. KIDDING.
Taryn: HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON. I effing loved that movie so effing much. If only I effing cussed. But, I do need to see Maryann do her thaaang in Tangled. Also Toy Story 3 made me cry, so mixed feelings. I don’t like to cry. I also don’t like to think about how sad my barbies are in my attic. So yes, HTTYD takes it.

Best Supporting Actress, TV:

Hope Davis, The Special Relationship; Jane Lynch, Glee; Kelly MacDonald, Boardwalk Empire; Julia Stiles, Dexter; Sofia Vergara, Modern Family.

Avalon: I am so predictable. I am going with Mz. Stiles. The last thing I saw Julia in was definitely Save the Last Dance. You saw it too, don’t lie to yourself. I loved her in that [because I was 12] so I was hesitant to see how her role, character, and acting skills would play out on the world’s greatest show. She is amazing! All my worries thrown out the window, and I spend my new found worry-free time watching her mess people up on Dexter.
Taryn: I would say Sofia Vergara, because Modern Family is awesome. HOWEVER. I am jealous at how pretty and boob-y she is, so I am going against her. I am saying Jane Lynch. I love her and her mean, cold heart. Once again, we are tv kin. Also, I loved Save the Last Dance. Obviously, I wanted to take up dance. Obviously I wanted to wear Timberlands. Obviously I got a pair. Obviously I don’t want to talk about it.

Best Supporting Actor, TV:

Chris Colfer, Glee; Chris Noth, The Good Wife; Scott Caan, Hawaii Five-o; David Strathairn, Temple Grandin; Eric Stonestreet, Modern Family.

Avalon: While I love Chris Colfer and think he is an important character, I am going with Eric Stonestreet. Eric plays Cam of Mitchell and Cam on Modern Family and they seriously make the show. They are the most amazing gay couple with the cutest child, and Eric SHINES as multi talented Cam.
Taryn: While I love Chris Colfer and think he is an important character, I am going with…joking., I do not plagiarise. I do love me some Kurt on Glee, but I love me some Cam more. Seriously, I die. I want to be his friend. I also want to see his acceptance speech.

TV Series, Comedy:

30 Rock, The Big Bang Theory, The Big C, Glee, Modern Family, Nurse Jackie

Avalon: As previously mentioned I love 30 Rock, Glee, Modern Family, and Nurse Jackie. This year however, I think the trophy err.. Globe goes to Modern Family. This show has me in stitches [do people still say that?]
Taryn: Before I choose, I would love to ask WHY ISN’T HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER ON HERE. Regardless, I choose Modern Family for me too. I am bleeding everywhere from laughing, I need some stitches. Joke too far? I don’t know. You know how I do. (Cyber high five, SMACK*)


Yesterday was Tuesday: Another Movie Review

Hello friends,

Seeing as how yesterday was Tuesday (and as the title suggests), I went to the movies.

Before the movie, Laurel, the roommate and I watched the Celtics game. EPIC WIN.

Moving on.

We decided to spend our five dollars peeing our pants, and sit through Paranormal Activity 2. Now I am not sure if any one in the world saw Paranormal Activity (1?) but it was crazy town.

Disclaimer: OBVIOUSLY THIS IS ABOUT THE MOVIE. If you don’t want to know, go read something else.

Laurel and I pretend we like scary movies. We sometimes get so excited we have “scary movie nights” where we intentionally seek out and watch scary movies. Then we cover our faces through half of it, squint through the other half, and sleep in the same bed later. It is a form of torture, that for some reason we revel in, and we are always up for a scary movie.

We sat down for the movie in a packed theater. On a Tuesday night. What a bunch of losers. ANYWAY, the movie begins and you’re already freaked out. The house is too nice, the family too perfect, the dog too cute, the kid too adorable. OH NO, A KID! That’s how you know a scary movie is going to ruin your life, if there is a kid in it. I was already freaked out.

The too-cute family has a “Break in” [see: demons going through your stuff], so they install creepy cameras all over their house.

Then, it gets crazy.

The first overnight glimpse in night vision goes by with no issue. In reality, there might as well have been something dramatic, because my heart was already beating 18 times faster than normal. The entire audience was also on edge as was evident by the nervous laughter once morning broke after the uneventful evening. We were all united by the fact that we almost pooped our pants over nothing.

Then the pots start falling.

The A-hole husband tells the wife she must have put the pots back incorrectly. OKAY BUDDY, REMEMBER THAT LATER.

In an attempt to clear their minds of the crazy ghost shit they are choosing to ignore, the husband and wife go out on a date, leaving their female teenage girl to watch their toddler.


Because the teenager is a dumb, she gets locked out of her own house. Meanwhile the child is getting dragged out of its crib by something invisible, and then he proceeds to walk around. Alone. In the creepy house. NO BIG DEAL.

Whatever, the parents come home and think she is irresponsible.

More crazy shit happens.

Oh then, the wife/mom gets dragged by her feet down the stairs and then down into the basement. YUP.

Basically that’s when I stopped watching. I was sweating profusely.

And crying. Just kidding [am I?].

Basically see this movie if you’re trying to pee your pants.