I’m a Cotton-Headed Ninny-Muggins

Hello my little snowballs!

Let me just say, that I love Taryn and her mother.

Last night I had a small Christmas present wrapping get together complete with the Muppet’s Christmas Carol and baked goods. Sarah and Laurel made those Lemon Ricotta Cookies that Taryn so thoughtfully gave us the recipe for here. They are AMAZING. They are cakey and moist [worst word ever] and delightfully lemony! They were a snap to make, and they came out beautifully! I highly recommend the recipe to anyone with taste buds. I also made lava cake [ALSO courtesy of Taryn and her wonderful Mom], which is literally my favorite food in the entire world. I LOVE IT. I love the cakey part, I love the lava part, I love the hot gooey part…I LOVE IT ALL! I was in heaven while wrapping presents and watching Rizzo fall into snow banks. Make the cookies!

Day 9: The gift for the super nerd in your life. Most likely a sibling [Kasey]

I literally have no idea what any of that means, and the only way I could tell time would be estimating. Regardless, I am sure SOMEONE in your life can crack this clock, or at least appreciate the ridiculousness of it. Luckily for me and all those non-math majors out there, a cheat sheet is included with the clock containing an explanation of each number/symbol/mumbojumbo. This pretty as a math problem clock runs you a mere $25. A small price to pay for intelligence.

Go solve something

-A

I just like to smile, smiling is my favorite

Hello my tiny candy canes,

The other day my darling friend Sarah and I were on our way to Zumba despite our qualms with the teacher [a story for another time…]. As we were chatting away, I found myself quite parched and asked Sarah if she had any water. Sarah happily handed me her water bottle and I was met with something magical.

Day 5: The gift for that exerciser in your life…[or the one with the unquenchable thirst]

Say hello to the Camelbak Better Bottle. This colorful friend is the most amazing thing ever. I love this water bottle so much that I went out this past weekend to the nearest sporting goods store and slapped my panda debit card down on the counter, anxious to own. This bottle is revolutionary, I will fill you in. Unlike the majority of water bottles, this tall drink of water [see what I did there?] has a straw, making drinking a breeze. The straw attaches to the mouthpiece which is an amazing invention on its own. The mouthpiece is similar to a baby bottle top. It is a rubber nozzle that you must bite on to get the water out. Although this sounds like more work than your average water bottle, it is amazing. It is perfect for those times where you are active and don’t feel like spilling water all over your body, ie on the treadmill, hiking, elipticallizing, etc. This pretty little number will run you around $14 retail, and it is worth every penny. I am in love with mine, fall in love with yours! Err..IT’S A GIFT, REMEMBER!

psh.

-A

Another Movie Review…

Because let’s face it. I have no life. I live at the movies.

At our local Cinemark, the company in a fit of desperation, decided to offer a special deal on Tuesdays. All day Tuesday all movies are only five dollars and this is aptly named, Five Dollar Tuesdays.

Holla.

Needless to say I only go to the movies on Tuesdays. Also, I think I go just about every Tuesday.

This particular Tuesday Sarah, The Roommate, and I found ourselves in line for The Social Network. After reading glowing reviews I was anxious to see the film and form my own opinions. (Also, thanks to connects on the inside, our tickets were free. What WHAT! Holla.)

Warning: I’m basically about to shit on the movie, so if you don’t want to hear it, go read something else.

The movie opens on Mark Zuckerberg (Facebook “creator”) and his girlfriend. It is honestly very unclear if they are even dating at first because he is awful, and she is pretty. For the first 5-10 minutes I thought they were just friends. Zuckerberg is obsessively talking about the creepy secret clubs at Harvard he wants to be a part of, and the gf is just sitting there listening to his bullshit. Then he says some insulting shenanigans about how she goes to a bad school (BU) and if he gets into the clubs, he could introduce her to people she would never meet otherwise. Oh also, he throws in that she banged the doorman, although she didn’t.

Needless to say, he got dumped.

Also, I think he has aspergers.

The movie progresses from there and basically you watch him nerd out for two and a half hours.

[side note: in the movie, they do a math equation on the window. In Good Will Hunting it’s on a mirror, A Beautiful Mind is on the window again. WHY DO YOU DO MATH ON GLASS?!]

I will say the movie is directed well, and interesting.

The glaring problem with this movie is that the main character is an asshole. So you are sitting there watching two and a half hours of this guy be an asshole, and making literally billions of dollars.

Is that supposed to be encouraging?

Also. Justin Timberlake is in it. He is getting glowing reviews. Now, I love me some JT Sexy Back just as much as the next girl who lived through the 90s, but he is an AWFUL actor. He plays the cofounder of Napster, with a revived N’Sync look. It’s distracting.

There are twin guys in the movie who claim to have intellectual property rights over Facebook and who are interestingly enough the actors are not twins in real life. I read that they had to undergo 12 months of intensive mannerism training to come off as twins. Basically, they came off as bangin. They are on the crew team, and they are so beautifully it’s not even funny. My Debbie Downer Roommate [fiancé] said they probably were not attractive in real life. Au Contraire my friend. THEY ARE.

Additionally, there is a girl from the Disney Channel in the movie. She plays a psycho asian who loves money grubbing, giving blow jobs in bathrooms, and drinking appletinis. It made me uncomfortable.

Rashida Jones is in it for .2 seconds. She should have been in it more. Who doesn’t love a little Karen Filippelli.

So basically you are watching two and a half hours of wealthy kids fight over billions of dollars while you ashamedly belong to their corporation.

Did I mention this movie is hardly factual?

The director was not only not in contact with the real facebook fellows, he was FORBADE to speak with them. He was allowed to use their names and court documents, but that’s about it.

Also, M. Zuck didn’t even HAVE a girlfriend. HA. Fiction.

So, they made mah boy M. Zuckerberg look like an asshole [he probably is], Harvard look like a constant shit show [it probably is], and Justin Timberlake look like he was switch hitting [he probably is].

I’m excited for Rango.

Anyone?

-A

And By Yoga, I mean Waffles

A few months ago, I rallied my gaggle of female friends and convinced them to try a Zumba class with me. I had heard of Zumba classes initially through my University [doesn’t that sound posh] but I refused to attend any of the free classes at our rec center. All of the girls attending looked like this [classy] and you had to get there super early just to get a ticket to get into the class. WTF. THIS ISN’T A MICHAEL BUBLE CONCERT PEOPLE.

REGARDLESS.

Once summer began I did some research and found a studio within 10 miles that taught Zumba, needless to say I was excited. It should be noted however; at this point I was still unclear as to what Zumba was. It was a mystery to me but it sounded like something foreign, and I’m always trying to soak up some culture.

We left our weaker friends [mostly guys] and embarked on the journey to Zumba [sounds awesome, right?!]. It took us far too long to find the actual place, and that included the 5 minutes where I almost mistakenly convinced everyone that Zumba actually took place in someone’s basement. Whoops.

When we FINALLY arrived at our Zumbarific destination we were met by literally the perkiest mother of 2 sets of twins on the face of this planet. Seriously, this lady was out of this world crazy town. We entered the building and she shouted “YAYYYYYYYY NEWBIESSSSSSSSSSSSS”. Okay crazy. After an extensive explanation of how SUPER GREAT for you Zumba is, she took our cash, and we got ready on the DANCE FLOOR. That’s right Ladies and Gentlemen, Zumba is not a type of cuisine, it’s a dance class.

It was quickly evident that we were the only people there under the age of 35 ehhhh even 45. Most of these women turned out to be elementary school teachers, because they were talking shit about their students.That’s right. Teachers, talking shit, about students. Now this might not come as a shock to you, but to me it was like if I had ever believed in Santa Clause and then I found it he wasn’t real. That is how traumatized I was.

Until the booty shaking began.

Zumba also means dancing sexually to Kidz Bop-esque songs. And whooping all the time. Apparently you are supposed to yell Zumba often, and make it sound mostly like an orgasm. If my friends and I weren’t already getting glared at by the hateful teacher-ladies of the class, our lack of whooping definitely was a point of contention.

Around the time we were slapping our own butts I felt the glares from my angry friends penetrating my skin and skewering my organs. I started sweating profusely dreading the end of class when my friends would tar and feather me and leave me in Zumbaland.

As we were getting in the car after class I was wincing in anticipation of the fury that my friends would surely have for this weirdo class I dragged them to.

Surprisingly, we’ve been back to the butt-slapping, war cry yelling, student trash talking Zumba class every week.

We still get glared at.

-A

Manic Mondays (Tuesday?), Going the Distance and general Haterade

Well after a long weekend, Tuesday feels like the devil’s work. In theory a long weekend should make you feel well rested and prepared to conquer the dreaded work week. For me the long weekend never exists [I work on Saturdays], but I find that my coworkers and other worker bees are the opposite of well rested. They are a bunch of grumpasauruses that are exhausted from a weekend filled to the brim with activities and excitement they were not accustomed to [see: hungover]. Long weekends usually result in a panic and scurry for the remainder of the work week – I do not like stress. Not enough has been completed, paper work is unfiled, etc etc. Basically I’m bitter because I didn’t get a long weekend, so suck it.

Moving on…

My dear friend Sarah is in a long distance relationship, and we all know that those are hard. I suffered through a long distance relationship and aside from the general heinous attitude of my then-boyfriend it was still awful. I feel for her, so I joined her in seeing the new chicky flick Going the Distance. Now I love chick flicks just as much as the next girl but to me this one looked awful. I effing cannot stand Drew Barrymore and like I said – long distance relationships are painful – why would I want to pay to watch 2 hours of pain? Due to Sarah’s situation I put my qualms aside and hopped on the Barrymore Train…You know what?

It was SURPRISINGLY enjoyable! It was a refreshing portrayal of our generation-ish [I mean, I’m not thirty], and it was actually hilarious. There were a number of crude and terrible jokes, which I love because I am a 14 year old boy [SURPRISE!].

Drew Barrymore was awful, obviously, but Justin Long is SO FUNNY! The supporting cast is really what brought it home for me. Christina Applegate, Jim Gaffigan, A guy from Always Sunny, and one of those guys from SNL really made it worth watching. Their side comments and the onscreen pooping with the door open [what, you’re above poop jokes?] invoke laughs all over the place.

While getting tickets for the movie, my friends and I were behind a guy and his date purchasing tickets for the same movie. We snickered and made fun of him, but in the end we were the fools. It is a perfect date movie because its funny, and gross, and a tiny bit romantic. If you can stomach watching D. Barrymore’s face for 2 hours and you aren’t into seeing Lindsay Lohan’s Tatas [AGAIN] in Machete then I recommend it.

Alright, the moment you’ve all been waiting for… HATERADE.

This is the part where I sound like such a bitch you will never want to read this blog again.

Things I Hate: Weekend edition.

#1. I hate college students. Yes, I am fully aware that a mere 3 seconds ago I was a college student. I hated them then too. Born and raised in a college town I despise the flood of irresponsible hooligans invading my space, my parking, and my restaurants. My young partying neighbors were so loud and bro-like this weekend I considered calling the cops.

Yup. Calling the cops.

Somewhere between 3 seconds ago and now I aged 20 years. I am a party pooper and if you are chugging beer so loudly I can barely hear my movie on a Saturday night, I’m calling the cops on you. Also if you wear sweatpants in public, I’m the bitch standing behind you at Panera loudly talking shit. If you’re a girl and wearing heels and a shirt as a dress out to a bar in our small country town, I’m judging you. I hate students.

#2. I hate guys at bars.

Yup. That’s all.

In conclusion, I never got a 3 day weekend, Drew Barrymore didn’t ruin her movie, and college students are an embarrassment.

-A