Halloween: from ladybugs to naughty nurses

When I was younger I was obsessed with Halloween, because seriously, who wasn’t. I would lie in bed like a crazy, thinking of my costume and about a thousand alternatives. I was also super pumped about the candy aspect… oh the candy. As I’ve mentioned, my mother deprived me of the finer things in life (media, sugar, etc) so Halloween was like a field day for me. I would be shaking in my boots at the end of the trick-or-treating evening, just anticipating the amount of candy I got to eat (after my mother inspected every single piece and threw away all the lollipops).

I remember my early elementary years I was a witch (with a green face), Morticia Adams (with a white face), a Flamenco dancer (because I loved castanets), and leftovers (just wrapped in saran rap). Then, the unavoidable shift happened.

In 7th grade, one of my older friends suggested we go as the Pink Ladies from Grease. I’m not going to say that I was probably planning on going as a green faced witch again but, I was planning on going as a green-faced witch again. Wanting to belong to my skankerfic friendship circle (jk, they aren’t skanky) I literally begged my mother to buy me the costume. She finally gave in (which is against her nature) and I got the costume, proud to fit in.

Then I took a hiatus from Halloween, because let’s face it: when you’re 14 you are too cool for celebrating holidays. I sat around for the next few years, watching scary movies on October 31st and handing out candy to versions of my younger self (except not as cute, obviously).

Once I got over myself I decided to get back into the Halloween/costume game. I was a junior in high school, and suddenly all the former ghosts, witches, and princesses were now french maids, referees, and police women.

I was a zebra.

The next year?

A Butterfly. (literally what my costume looked like, I was 18)

The next year?

A cat.

The next?

A scarecrow.

Somehow in my younger years I missed out on the “feel okay about dressing like a stripper for Halloween” memo. Even as I was a “reckless” college student (I have never been reckless) I couldn’t bring myself to wear the skankalicious outfits I saw around me.

Also, these costumes are all around incorrect.

#1. French maid costume..

Real French maid…

#2. Referee costume…

Real Referee…

#3. Policewoman costume…

Real Policewoman..

See? Costumes are misleading.

And yes, I know that I don’t really look like a butterfly, Morticia Adams, or a cat. But at least I was fully clothed and warm.

In this week’s episode of Parenthood (watch that show) a six year old girl wants to be Miss California for Halloween. In spite of her mother’s explanation of women’s advancements through history, the six year old is set on being a pageant queen, while her mother pulls together a BAD ASS Amelia Earhart costume. Kudos, fictional mother, Kudos.  (Side note: does anyone remember Kudos bars?! Do those still exist??)

What happened to the candy and the gross costumes?! Why are we stuck with possible nip slips and watered down drinks?

CAN WE PLEASE BRING BACK TRICK OR TREATING?!

-A

Advertisements

It’s Britney Bitch

(Obviously I watch Glee) Hello lovely readers. Can I just say, I LOVE FALL. I literally love every single thing about this season, so much so, that I want to marry it. And I will now dedicate an entire post to my new spouse. Things I love about fall:

  1. It gets cold, I get to wear sweaters. Now if anyone knows me you know that I LOVE SWEATERS. I love long sleeve, short sleeve, hooded, cardigan, turtle neck…seriously. You name it, I own it, and wear it every day.
  2. I love Halloween. Like it’s a disease. I don’t love Halloween in the skanky “I’m a referee!” kind of way, I love it in a Tim Burton kind of way. I love the Nightmare before Christmas and the Corpse Bride. I love pumpkins, scarecrows and CANDY! College girls have tried really really hard to get me to hate Halloween, yet I prevailed!
  3. I love fall festivities, more than is healthy. I run around pumpkin patches like I’m seven years old at Willie Wonka’s chocolate factory. I run through leaf piles. I seek out apple orchards and pull a “The Hills are Alive”.
  4. I hate football. Live football (see: tailgating) I can handle. Wasting away the BEAUTIFUL fall days inside to watch guys touch each other? No thanks. I can do that outside.
  5. I also hate Thanksgiving. Turkey=gross. Stuffing? That even SOUNDS gross. It also looks gross, have you ever looked at it? Cranberry sauce? Disgusting. But this isn’t a hate list. It’s a love list.
  6. Seriously have you seen the leaves in New England in the fall? It’s like beauty attacking your face. But in a loving, comforting way. THIS IS A REAL PICTURE. Ugh, so beautiful.
  7. Oh yea, MY BIRTHDAY IS IN OCTOBER. I love my birthday. You might say “obviously Avalon”, but you’d be surprised. People often tell me that they hate their birthday, to which I promptly smack them in the face and walk away. BIRTHDAYS ARE AMAZING. They are an entire day dedicated solely to you! You can do whatever you want! I usually take of like 3 days for my birthday, frolick around, and make everyone I know do it with me. I eat lots of food and buy myself lots of presents. I think people who hate their birthday rely on other people to make it great. WHY??? IT’S A DAY ABOUT YOU. Make it a great day. And shut up. (sidenote: this year I get to spend it with Taryn. AGAIN. Hollaaa)
  8. There are lots of dumb holidays where you get time off, that is if you live in Massachusetts and not some sad excuse for a state (Florida). We get to bask in time off on Labor Day, Columbus Day, Thanksgiving, and usually even The Day After Thanksgiving.
  9. I love the smell of fall. You know what I’m talking about. That spicy, cinnamony, clovey, homey, comforting smell that penetrates the nostrils. Smells like a mix between pumpkin pie and spiked apple cider. I want to live in that smell (so just to review, I’m marrying fall, and we’re going to live in the smell of it).
  10. After fall, is Christmas. NUFF SAID.

And this concludes my love note to fall.

Save the Dates for our union will be arriving shortly.

-A