How Else to Commemorate Freshman Year? Marriage, You Say?

If you totally skipped the post below this (read it), I revealed that Avalon and I are married.

Yes. MARRIED.

Four years ago TODAY Avalon and I decided it was time to shit or get off the pot (that’s just gross). Either way, we were married by a bona fide Greek Orthodox minister and is legitimized on a bona fide piece of paper, straight from Greece…

Well, straight from the kids who were assigned Greece for their Global Issues class. We were given Egypt. How was that fair?

Nonetheless it was a beautiful ceremony, and we were surrounded by lovely (ha) people from different countries around the world. There were ring pops (WHAT, I know. How jealous are you?). And weird veils. It was magical.

Anyway, to make this post even MORE creepy there are pictures (ceremony, post marriage bliss). In the second picture please note the guy walking behind us…Don’t tell Avalon’s roommate (see: fiance), but she had a huge crush on him freshman year.

Okay, okay. Even I can’t say that with a straight face…I am lying, ha. He is one of the few (ahem, many) people Avalon and I refused to take seriously whilest at University of Tampa (see: entire Global Issues class). And I can make fun in confidence, cause he (or any of them) will probably never look on this site. Hilarious.

Anyway. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO THE BESTEST FRIEND EVER (AVALON, if y’all were confused)!!! We shall be reunited in less than a month, ahhhhh!

-T

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The Jersey Shore.

Basically this post is going to be incredibly boring because I’m talking shit about a show that everyone on planet earth has already talked shit about.

I shall preface.

I spent 1 semester of my life at the flourishing guido-filled University of Tampa.  My first night on campus I decide to go to the store with 3 guys I barely know [I learned a lot in college].  As I let myself in the backseat of the black BMW [LIKE I COULD TELL YOU WHAT MAKE IT IS] I notice that all three of these men were 13 x prettier than I was [this is the part where I insert their picture, but I’m not comfortable calling people out on my blog yet…].  As we’re making our way down Kennedy Boulevard the driver, we’ll call him Mike [that’s his real name] turned up the tunes to the delight of his male companions.

“BRO, I LOVE THIS SONG”

And to my surprise, this was the song [or at least something like it, this was 5 years ago people].

I was confused. This was my first introduction to what we so fondly know now as: the Jersey Shore.  Tight shirts, hair gel, black cars, and HORRIBLE MUSIC.  I spent 5 minutes wondering if they were gay, because in the North where I’m from guys listen to hip hop and random other crap. HOUSE MUSIC?  Are you kidding. To be fair though, they were really nice…

The University of Tampa was like a magnet for kids from Long Island, Jersey, anndddd West Palm Beach. Ladies and Gentlemen, this is the trifecta of misery.

But I digress.

Watching the Jersey Shore evokes mixed feelings. It is undeniably highly entertaining television, but in the way that fear factor was entertaining. The disgust is so deep and profound it is paralyzing, and you no longer can control a remote [Taryn, remote means Channel Changer]. Have you been living under a rock and you are not sure what show I am talking about?

SYNOPSIS TIME:

The Jersey Shore is a stroke of financial genius by MTV. The show follows the ‘real lives’ of ‘strangers’ who are put in a summer house together on the Jersey shore [side note: my name is a Jersey Shore town. Oh the embarrassment]. Still don’t get it? Think the real world but a million times more dysfunctional.  They drink too much [all the time], they are humorously inarticulate [all the time], and they are the future faces of skin cancer.  This season just to mess with our heads MTV decided to film the second Jersey Shore IN MIAMI. WHAT?!?! THE CONFUSION.

The sad part is that this show got a second season [sadder, I watch it]. While some people watch this for pure entertainment [me] I worry that this show will offer inspiration for the youngins of Jersey and Staten Island. Instead of wanting to be this, they will live life and aspire to be this. I think this country needs an intervention, and instead of watching the TRAIN WRECK that has ALWAYS been New Jersey, we need to give them away.

That’s right. Moral of this post: GIVE NEW JERSEY AWAY.

[Sorry if I offended anyone from Jersey. Which I’m pretty sure I didn’t. Because I personally know all of our readers]

-A