My EPIC (see:disjointed) Movie Review

Well little chickies before getting to the “review”, first I will complain about my live-in roommate (see: fiancé).

He reads the blog, and will find out through passive aggressive blogging how close he came to dying last night. I went to bed at 12:30 because I had work in the morning. Three hours later he was still awake with some friends, and I was sick of lying awake looking at the ceiling kept awake by their shenanigans. I storm into our living room area only to find the guilty party sitting at our table with all the lights turned off and every candle in our house lit while listening to music from a shitty iphone speaker.

At three-thirty in the morning.

On a Monday.

They should be thanking Zeus they are still alive.

Onwards and Upwards!

Last week I dragged aforementioned roommate (see: fiancé) to the movies to see The Town.

I was overly excited about The Town after seeing previews for it. I love thriller/robbery movies (Oceans 11 [don’t judge]) and with too many relatives who haven’t quite figured out how to pronounce their R’s I LOVE movies about Boston (the Departed, Boondock Saints) and finally, I LOATHE Ben Affleck (Gigli, Jersey Girl).

[Did you notice a trend? No? Okay I will tell you. I watch movies with hot guys in them]

As we were waiting in line (yes, another “at the movies” story), about 15 bros were in line ahead of us as I was trying to convince the roommate that it was really going to be a good movie. Then the bros got 15 student tickets to The Town. Not great evidence that I was suggesting a good movie.

I guess now would be the time to say that if you plan on seeing this movie without my opinionated voice running through the back of your head, stop reading.

The movie opened with some panning views of Boston (I LOVE IT) and a little history of the tiny (scary) neighborhood called Charlestown. According to the movie (and probably real life) the tiny (scary) Charlestown produced more bank armed robberies than anywhere else in the United States. (Side note: if anyone has ever gotten lost in Boston, you have undoubtedly accidentally driven into Charlestown and then immediately started drafting your will. Taryn, I got you).

So, long story short the movie was thrilling, visually stimulating, interesting and basically Ben Affleck’s career saver. Affleck plays Doug MacRay, a Charlestown townie caught up in the family business of bank robberies. His robberies are bad ass, his friends/crew are loyal, and his accent is more than hot. Call me a New England girl, but nothing gets me more than a Boston accent (that is until Affleck is suited up in a Cop uniform later on in the movie, seriously, how could you resist).

After his crew messes up one particularly bad ass robbery, they have a witness to worry about. As essentially the leader of his crew, Affleck takes on the responsibility of feeling out (literally) the witness to see if she knows anything or recognizes any of them. Needless to say they fall in love, and Rebecca Hall’s performance as Claire was one of the most notable in the entire movie. Things get complicated (OBVIOUSLY) when Affleck tries to maintain a relationship with the woman that he ROBBED and continues to perform robberies even though his entire crew is hot (super cool lingo for: being watched by the cops). It’s the typical story of the one good egg from the bad neighborhood trying to turn his life around, because deep down inside although he stole millions of dollars from banks, he’s a good guy. (Sidenote, the fact that Affleck is BANGIN in this movie does not hurt, I stopped hating him). Although his struggle and story is obvious, Affleck somehow makes himself so fascinating to watch, that even the suspecting viewer roots for him.

Most of you readers are probably female, so you will LOVE the ending.

That’s all I will say.

You will love this movie.

If you don’t, go read a different blog.

(sidenote: Blake Lively is in it and looks like this. She goes from this, to this. Sorry Blake, you are probably a good actor, but it was distracting how you just looked like a Upper East Sider trying to play Boston skanky-chic.)

Xoxo

Gossip Girl.

JK.

-A

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Who Gets Denied from a PIANO BAR??

The story of my Saturday [which has nothing to do with a Piano Bar. Ask Taryn]…

Well actually, this is going to be an in depth investigation of about 10 minutes of my day on Saturday.

I work every Saturday in my quaint little shop from 10am to 3pm and I do a lot of wishing I was outside. This particular Saturday I kept myself busy by making labels and putting stamps on envelopes (saucy).

As the day was coming to a close a horrible, horrible thing happened. We had a recent power surge, so our alarm system was a little bit off. Forgetting this helpful tid bit I went to set the alarm and it said “WARNINGGGGGGGGGGGG: BYPASS ALLOWED!!!!”

WTF DOES THAT MEAN.

SO I panicked, because that’s what I do. I go from calm to panicked in an unreasonably short amount of time. I’m pretty much the only person at my job who knows anything about the alarm system [if I died, they would have to get the alarm system REPLACED]. Being the only person, I felt personally responsible for weird messages on our alarm and I would feel definitely responsible if we got broken into and thousands of dollars of stuff I couldn’t replace went missing.

So, like I said, I freaked out. Once you’ve set the alarm at my job you have 30 seconds to leave and lock the door. I tried frantically to stop the 30 second countdown so I could figure out what this ominous warning meant. On top of all that stress I had to pee like there was no tomorrow. In a reckless moment, I decided to let the alarm just set, fix it in a second, and finally go pee [TMI? Go read a different blog]. As I’m peeing and I hear the alarm finish setting, I come to my senses.

WE HAVE MOTION DETECTORS IN MY JOB.

Yup. I set the alarm with motion detectors while still in the building. I sat in the bathroom considering my options.

#1. I could 007 try to unplug the wires to the alarm system [like I have any idea how to do that].

#2. I could call my coworker who lives a half hour away to come open the door [EXCEPT THERE ISN’T A PHONE IN THE BATHROOM].

#3. I could just stay there until Monday morning, sleep in a bathroom, not go home. Etc.

#4. I could just run to the alarm panel, set off the alarm, and suck it.

I chose number 1.

JUST KIDDING.

Anyways, I chose number 4 and ran to the front of the building as the ear splitting alarm was reverberating in my brain. After what seemed like 8 days I got to the alarm panel and turned off the terrible noise. As I’m turning off the alarm I recall that the alarm does have a purpose and the alarm company is in fact going to be notified. I frantically text my boss telling him I set off the alarm just in case the alarm company calls [did I mention he is at a weekend wedding?? Playing golf? I’m sure he LOVED that text message].

As I’m silently pleading to teleport out of this frantic situation, a cop car comes WHIZZING into the parking lot.

OH YEAH, THE COPS COME WHEN THE ALARM GOES OFF.

Did I mention I have a cop phobia? Like elevated blood pressure upon sight?

“OH hayyy there. Um hi. Police Officer. So, um, are you coming because the um alarm went off?”

“Oh yea actually!”

“Oh um cool. Well I actually set that off.”

“Oh! So you work there I assume”

“Yup.”

“And your name?”

“Avalon.” That’s right, only first names for police officers apparently.

“Alright well thanks! Have a nice day!”

The cop looked like this. I barely noticed. Barely.

And that is the story of how I had a 10 minute heart attack.

Oh yea, and we have to pay 500 dollars because the cops came. Awesome.

-A

[sidenote: the store next to ours is a television repair shop. The owner ordered a part off of Ebay and it was packaged with stuffed animals. Yup. Stuffed animals.]