Not Enough Bieber: A Grammy Recap

Hello My Little Worker Bees,

In case you were living under a rock [or out to eat like Taryn], I will grace you with a little Grammys recap. I know you really care, and you couldn’t possibly have read about it by now from any other source. You’re welcome.

Let me start by saying that the Grammys are doing for awards what MTV did for music. Revolutionary at first, irrelevant now. I think I saw maybe 4 awards given away. At an award show. Aside from this GLARING issue, the “award” show was a decently enjoyable way to waste my entire Sunday evening.

The show began with a little Aretha Franklin tribute by Jennifer Hudson, Florence from Florence and the Machine, Martina McBride, Christina Aguilera, and Yolanda Adams. So… I’m not going to say Florence stuck out like a sore thumb but…she should be happy Christina tripped and took the attention away from her. The tribute was nice, but Christina’s obvious impending pregnancy and Florence’s blinding pale skin was distracting.

After the tribute Ricky Martin spoke about something, I don’t remember what, but I do remember he is still hot.

Then came the most anticipated [for some] performance of the night. Lady Gaga. I was not impressed. I think her new song is mediocre, and if she released that instead of Just Dance as her first song ever, she would be lame and not popular by now. Does anyone hear a little of Madonna’s Vogue in this new song? Weird robot talking? Check. She came out on stage in an egg? Whatever. Her dance was lame, her ponytail was once again Madonna, and her face is scary. GASP! I might be over Gaga.

Then came Miranda Lambert’s performance. Kindaaaaaa boring. She sang The HouseThat Built Me, which is actually a really sweet song. She was introduced by her darling fellow country singer/ fiancée Blake Shelton, and that was kind of the highlight of her performance. She was a little nervous I think and maybe self conscious because her dress looked like liquid chocolate. In a not cute way. Is there a cute way? Regardless, she went on to win a Grammy for something.

With a few more dumb comments and probably no awards, Bruno Mars came out to perform with B.O.B. and that girl with the crazy hair. Bruno didn’t sound as amazing as he could, but the performance had a fun motown feel that was worth watching. He looks weird though. Just saying.

Then, the moment we’ve all been waiting for. The Biebs. Justin took the state with his mentor Usher and they both murdered the performance. Sometimes when someone says something was murdered they mean it in a good way, I do not. Dancing and singing can’t be easy, and Usher made that clear. Puberty can’t be easy, and Justin made that clear. Oh dear.

After J.Biebs performed there were some other random blurbs and probably no awards again. Mumford and Sons took the stage with the Avett Brothers, and they sounded amazing. Usually at shows like this, actual talent shines through while sucky talent is only amplified. I greatly enjoyed the performance, and then the brought Bob Dylan out. I mean I know he’s a legend and all…but give the guy a break. Let him enjoy retirement, the nursing home, his old age in peace.

Then magic happened. Cee-lo with some random puppets performed his amazing hit of the year, Forget You [yes, it was censored. This is national television people]. To my delight Gwyneth Paltrow came out to assist Mr. Cee-lo in a spandex Olivia Newton-Johnesque black body suit. She writhed around on the piano while Cee-lo played it in a bird costume. Yes, it was as ridiculous as it sounds. All of this ridiculousness however, made for one of the best performances of the evening. BRAVO. [see below for an awful recording of it]

Lady Antebellum SWEPT at this year’s awards, and I am less than pleased. The song they won for was “Need You Now“. I will wait as you click the link and say “Ohhhh right, that song”. Yes, I know! They one GRAMMYS for that shizz. This song is whiney and awful. I tried to like it so many times because that melody is so darn catchy, but the lyrics. UGH THE LYRICS. “It’s a quarter after one, I’m a little drunk, and I need you now”. Seriously? Is that supposed to sound sweet or inviting? Despicable.

Eminem performed with Dr. Dre, Rihanna, Some Random Lady, and Adam Levine [I know], and I have to say it was the best performance of the night. Rap at award shows, or live ever, usually sounds awful and you are counting the seconds until it is over. This group of performers offered audiences a pleasant surprise with the clarity the performance conveyed as well as the showmanship. I know, I was surprised too.

Then Arcade Fire won the coveted album of the year. Yes, seriously. Who are they you ask? Youtube them, then get back to me. I am all for indie bands winning Grammys, in fact I support it, but I hate Arcade Fire. I’ve seen them perform and they look like kids I went to college with raving around the quad with their vintage [see: Urban Outfitters] garb and their dad’s guitar [see: bought it brand new with dad’s money]. They all wear headbands incorrectly, and scream into microphones. I was displeased.

There you have it folks, my unnecessary, incomplete, biased recap of the Grammys. Four days later.

-A

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GET EXCITED! Santa is COMING to town!

I know him!

Hello Nutcrackers,

In case you couldn’t tell by our semi-makeover, WE LOVE THE HOLIDAY SEASON. We love everything about it, the smells, the snow, the movies, the holiday cheer, the flavored coffees at Starbucks… etc. We love it so much, we could have an episode on Oprah “Avalon and Taryn’s Favorite Things”.

So in honor of this love that we have, we are going to honor YOU. We are going to help you tackle that holiday shopping list with some amazing suggestions from your truly. We are overly qualified for this task seeing as how between the two of us we spend over 80 hours a week in front of a computer…sigh.

REGARDLESS.

We’re giving you TWENTY days of gift suggestions. Why only twenty? Because we are forcing you to be responsible and have all of your shopping done by December 20th. Grow up.

Day 1: The gift for literally anyone

Planet Earth, Barnes and Noble

Price: $35.99

Shop: Barnes & Noble

So, I’m not sure if any of you have SEEN Planet Earth, but this shizz is amazing. Your eyes will be amazed and your brain blown away by the awesomeness that is the earth that we live on. David Attenborough and his intelligent sounding accent makes you feel instantly more informed as you are watching raccoons on the beach dig for clams [they are so smart!]. This vault of information really is fascinating, and everyone on your list will love it. Except for your 13 year old sister. She will hate it, but let’s face it, she hates everything. Except the Biebster.

-A


“I came beeboppin out of the bathroom and I was like OMG BOYS”

Hello there my darlings!

Hopefully you haven’t all slipped into a deep and dismal depression due to our absence. As mentioned in an earlier post, WE WERE ON VACATION!

Well, mostly I was on vacation (and the roommate/fiance as well). I spent the last 5 days of my life with my soulmate/blog partner/bffl/future neighbor Taryn! We packed as many unnecessary fun activities into 5 days as was humanly possible. We went to a (FREE) jazz festival, scoped out a dueling piano bar, went to the beach, went shopping, got sunburnt and oh yeah…

WE WENT TO DISNEY WORLD.

Now we should apologize ahead of time, because the next five or so posts are probably going to be about how much fun we had with each other.  Which you should probably be used to if you read this blog.

On Monday the three MOUSEketeers (Taryn, Fiance, Avalon) woke up while it was still dark out to drive on down to Disney universe. We were armed with park hoppers and a well thought out (OCD) plan.

Our first stop was the wild yet allusive Animal Kingdom. None of us had ever been there and needless to say, we were expecting a glorified zoo. It was indeed a glorified zoo, but also SO MUCH MORE! We explored the continents; Asia, Africa, Dino Land…We rode an awesome thrilling ride called Everest somethingorother and went to a Finding Nemo musical. Seriously, could that be more awesome?! I was pleasantly surprised with Animal Kingdom, and I would recommend it to anyone. The rides are cool, the animals are cool, the Tea Huts are cool, and the lady at the ticket counter was SO NICE.

Then we got hungry. So we went to Epcot. And here finally……Is the point of this POST!

FOOD.

Epcot should be called EPIC EPCOT. Seriously that place is so downplayed it’s unREAL. Before venturing in, I thought the entirety of the park lay within the huge silver golf ball. Oh how wrong I was. Our party of three had never been there before, and it was seriously a treat.

Our visit happened to coincide with the 15th annual Food and Wine festival. Um, Happy Birthday to me?! We went crazy. Literally.

It was like we were taken over by hungry demons with a taste for sweets. We hit up every country, sometimes more than once. We started with some pork and vegetable egg rolls in China and then we sprinted to Norway for some sauerkraut sandwiches. We paused around Morocco to apply sunscreen, and then continued on our tour of overeating. Finally after too much walking (this place is huge) we spotted Belgium. We took a seat and treated ourselves to a mini Belgium waffle with whipped cream and a berry compote and washed it all down with a lovely beer trio. YUM. We sighed, undid our pant buttons, and continued on the journey. We rolled into France after passing Aladdin and that skank Jasmine on the sidewalk. We bought a cream puff and a chocolate filled éclair and ate it while watching other park goers being productive and learning about the countries. We passed so many delicious stands and informational inlets and all Taryn and I could focus on was dessert. TYPICAL.

After eating our way through the world, we went on the ride that in fact fills up the golf ball dome. It is a slow cart ride up and up that is an informative analysis of our technological time line (IE NAP TIME!). JK. It was interesting. Judi Dench was the narrator. Random.

All in all, Epic Epcot was GREAT SUCCESS [insert Borat voice, because it’s still not old]. We ate so much food, learned nothing, and hung out with Dame Judi Dench.

Then we went to Magic Kingdom.

The End.

 

A Week full of Side Notes:

I’m 23 now. WHY.

Justin Bieber punched a kid who called him a Fa**ot (I HATE THAT WORD). This means 3 things. 1). A kid got beat up by Justin Bieber. 2). Justin Bieber is an advocate for hate crimes. 3). I still like Biebster.

Our resident GAYGAY started his own blog. It is promising to be full of Oprah, Tyra, and everything we love. Welcome GGGFC!

I’m back, I’m cold, and I have a cold.

Sincerely:

Brer Rabbit.

-A