Hello My Little Worker Bees,
In case you were living under a rock [or out to eat like Taryn], I will grace you with a little Grammys recap. I know you really care, and you couldn’t possibly have read about it by now from any other source. You’re welcome.
Let me start by saying that the Grammys are doing for awards what MTV did for music. Revolutionary at first, irrelevant now. I think I saw maybe 4 awards given away. At an award show. Aside from this GLARING issue, the “award” show was a decently enjoyable way to waste my entire Sunday evening.
The show began with a little Aretha Franklin tribute by Jennifer Hudson, Florence from Florence and the Machine, Martina McBride, Christina Aguilera, and Yolanda Adams. So… I’m not going to say Florence stuck out like a sore thumb but…she should be happy Christina tripped and took the attention away from her. The tribute was nice, but Christina’s obvious impending pregnancy and Florence’s blinding pale skin was distracting.
After the tribute Ricky Martin spoke about something, I don’t remember what, but I do remember he is still hot.
Then came the most anticipated [for some] performance of the night. Lady Gaga. I was not impressed. I think her new song is mediocre, and if she released that instead of Just Dance as her first song ever, she would be lame and not popular by now. Does anyone hear a little of Madonna’s Vogue in this new song? Weird robot talking? Check. She came out on stage in an egg? Whatever. Her dance was lame, her ponytail was once again Madonna, and her face is scary. GASP! I might be over Gaga.
Then came Miranda Lambert’s performance. Kindaaaaaa boring. She sang The HouseThat Built Me, which is actually a really sweet song. She was introduced by her darling fellow country singer/ fiancée Blake Shelton, and that was kind of the highlight of her performance. She was a little nervous I think and maybe self conscious because her dress looked like liquid chocolate. In a not cute way. Is there a cute way? Regardless, she went on to win a Grammy for something.
With a few more dumb comments and probably no awards, Bruno Mars came out to perform with B.O.B. and that girl with the crazy hair. Bruno didn’t sound as amazing as he could, but the performance had a fun motown feel that was worth watching. He looks weird though. Just saying.
Then, the moment we’ve all been waiting for. The Biebs. Justin took the state with his mentor Usher and they both murdered the performance. Sometimes when someone says something was murdered they mean it in a good way, I do not. Dancing and singing can’t be easy, and Usher made that clear. Puberty can’t be easy, and Justin made that clear. Oh dear.
After J.Biebs performed there were some other random blurbs and probably no awards again. Mumford and Sons took the stage with the Avett Brothers, and they sounded amazing. Usually at shows like this, actual talent shines through while sucky talent is only amplified. I greatly enjoyed the performance, and then the brought Bob Dylan out. I mean I know he’s a legend and all…but give the guy a break. Let him enjoy retirement, the nursing home, his old age in peace.
Then magic happened. Cee-lo with some random puppets performed his amazing hit of the year, Forget You [yes, it was censored. This is national television people]. To my delight Gwyneth Paltrow came out to assist Mr. Cee-lo in a spandex Olivia Newton-Johnesque black body suit. She writhed around on the piano while Cee-lo played it in a bird costume. Yes, it was as ridiculous as it sounds. All of this ridiculousness however, made for one of the best performances of the evening. BRAVO. [see below for an awful recording of it]
Lady Antebellum SWEPT at this year’s awards, and I am less than pleased. The song they won for was “Need You Now“. I will wait as you click the link and say “Ohhhh right, that song”. Yes, I know! They one GRAMMYS for that shizz. This song is whiney and awful. I tried to like it so many times because that melody is so darn catchy, but the lyrics. UGH THE LYRICS. “It’s a quarter after one, I’m a little drunk, and I need you now”. Seriously? Is that supposed to sound sweet or inviting? Despicable.
Eminem performed with Dr. Dre, Rihanna, Some Random Lady, and Adam Levine [I know], and I have to say it was the best performance of the night. Rap at award shows, or live ever, usually sounds awful and you are counting the seconds until it is over. This group of performers offered audiences a pleasant surprise with the clarity the performance conveyed as well as the showmanship. I know, I was surprised too.
Then Arcade Fire won the coveted album of the year. Yes, seriously. Who are they you ask? Youtube them, then get back to me. I am all for indie bands winning Grammys, in fact I support it, but I hate Arcade Fire. I’ve seen them perform and they look like kids I went to college with raving around the quad with their vintage [see: Urban Outfitters] garb and their dad’s guitar [see: bought it brand new with dad’s money]. They all wear headbands incorrectly, and scream into microphones. I was displeased.
There you have it folks, my unnecessary, incomplete, biased recap of the Grammys. Four days later.
-A
We Love Ourselves 
