Nail done, hair done, everything done…

Hello minions,

I was blog hopping recently, when I happened upon some old classic tunes I once loved like they were my own eggs in my seahorse brood pouch.

When I was younger I literally felt music in my being. I was angsty, and I would just sit up in my room (Brandy?) and listen to music.

What is upsetting to me is that the musicians of my yesteryears who once provided me so much entertainment, suddenly take themselves seriously. This is an upsetting epidemic that is sweeping our generations pop idols. I don’t want the people I looked up to in my childhood doing adult things! That is preposterous! And disturbing. You are in the public eye people, how dare you change.

Oh you say you want a list of celebrities that have casued me emotional distress by changing their image and proving to me that I am aging?

Done and done.

J. Lo

When I was in fifth grade I saw Selena and cried like a baby (because I was one). This is where my J. Lo infatuation began. Then she graced us with “If You Had My Love“, which I ate up like it was curly fries (I love curly fries, and you loved the song, so don’t lie). Then she started dating P. Diddy, which was like the highlight of my life. I LOVED ghetto Jennifer Lopez.

WHO DIDN’T LOVE THIS SONG?! Seriously this song is a time machine back to middle school or so, and it is a JAM.

Then she became to cool for court cases and guns in night clubs, and started dating Ben Affleck, and her life went downhill from there.

J. Lo then:

J. Lo…EXCUSE ME, Jennifer Lopez today:

Oh you think you’re fancy huh?

On to the next.

Justin Timberlake

Um, who did not love N’Sync? Besides people who loved the Backstreet Boys…obviously you had to pick sides. He looked a little girly, and sang like one too… what is not to love?! Seriously, I loved him.

Look at those eyes! That hair! Side note: I’m pretty sure when you are crazy you don’t get to stay in a padded room with all your friends. Just saying.

Then Justin went and did his solo thing, which was awesome. Now…he’s boring. He goes to charity events, stars in movies, and is lapdog to his less than amazing girlfriend. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?! YOU WERE A SENSATION!

Justin then:

Justin now:

Can you say downgrade? I can. Downgrade. But seriously JT, where is your Pizazz?! You’ve failed me, please bring sexy back again.

Gwen Stefani

When I was younger, I LOVED NO DOUBT. I would listen to the radio’s countdown every night just to hear Spiderwebs. I was obsessed with Tragic Kingdom and Gwen’s amazing style. She was punk, unique, platinum blonde and super talented as the front woman of No Doubt. It was downright inspiring. And then she ruined everyone’s ears with “Holla Back Girl”. And then….she became a mom. Yuck. Just kidding. [Is she?]

So fresh! So Ska! So California! BRING IT BACK GWEN.

Gwen Then:

Ooo! So grungey, so raw.

Gwen Now:

Ooo how… mom like…. ARE THOSE RACER STRIPE!? Come ON! HEINOUS! Props for the hot husband though.

And this concludes this recap of my youth, and all it’s lost glory.

-A

Another Movie Review…

Because let’s face it. I have no life. I live at the movies.

At our local Cinemark, the company in a fit of desperation, decided to offer a special deal on Tuesdays. All day Tuesday all movies are only five dollars and this is aptly named, Five Dollar Tuesdays.

Holla.

Needless to say I only go to the movies on Tuesdays. Also, I think I go just about every Tuesday.

This particular Tuesday Sarah, The Roommate, and I found ourselves in line for The Social Network. After reading glowing reviews I was anxious to see the film and form my own opinions. (Also, thanks to connects on the inside, our tickets were free. What WHAT! Holla.)

Warning: I’m basically about to shit on the movie, so if you don’t want to hear it, go read something else.

The movie opens on Mark Zuckerberg (Facebook “creator”) and his girlfriend. It is honestly very unclear if they are even dating at first because he is awful, and she is pretty. For the first 5-10 minutes I thought they were just friends. Zuckerberg is obsessively talking about the creepy secret clubs at Harvard he wants to be a part of, and the gf is just sitting there listening to his bullshit. Then he says some insulting shenanigans about how she goes to a bad school (BU) and if he gets into the clubs, he could introduce her to people she would never meet otherwise. Oh also, he throws in that she banged the doorman, although she didn’t.

Needless to say, he got dumped.

Also, I think he has aspergers.

The movie progresses from there and basically you watch him nerd out for two and a half hours.

[side note: in the movie, they do a math equation on the window. In Good Will Hunting it’s on a mirror, A Beautiful Mind is on the window again. WHY DO YOU DO MATH ON GLASS?!]

I will say the movie is directed well, and interesting.

The glaring problem with this movie is that the main character is an asshole. So you are sitting there watching two and a half hours of this guy be an asshole, and making literally billions of dollars.

Is that supposed to be encouraging?

Also. Justin Timberlake is in it. He is getting glowing reviews. Now, I love me some JT Sexy Back just as much as the next girl who lived through the 90s, but he is an AWFUL actor. He plays the cofounder of Napster, with a revived N’Sync look. It’s distracting.

There are twin guys in the movie who claim to have intellectual property rights over Facebook and who are interestingly enough the actors are not twins in real life. I read that they had to undergo 12 months of intensive mannerism training to come off as twins. Basically, they came off as bangin. They are on the crew team, and they are so beautifully it’s not even funny. My Debbie Downer Roommate [fiancé] said they probably were not attractive in real life. Au Contraire my friend. THEY ARE.

Additionally, there is a girl from the Disney Channel in the movie. She plays a psycho asian who loves money grubbing, giving blow jobs in bathrooms, and drinking appletinis. It made me uncomfortable.

Rashida Jones is in it for .2 seconds. She should have been in it more. Who doesn’t love a little Karen Filippelli.

So basically you are watching two and a half hours of wealthy kids fight over billions of dollars while you ashamedly belong to their corporation.

Did I mention this movie is hardly factual?

The director was not only not in contact with the real facebook fellows, he was FORBADE to speak with them. He was allowed to use their names and court documents, but that’s about it.

Also, M. Zuck didn’t even HAVE a girlfriend. HA. Fiction.

So, they made mah boy M. Zuckerberg look like an asshole [he probably is], Harvard look like a constant shit show [it probably is], and Justin Timberlake look like he was switch hitting [he probably is].

I’m excited for Rango.

Anyone?

-A

I Remember When Corn Rows Were Cool…

I just received an email from my one and only sister.

No, we aren’t at work (yes we are). No, we aren’t sitting 6 feet away from each other (yes we are). No, we weren’t those girls who swooned over boy bands and still know their songs (yes we are).

Regardless. I got an email from her with the subject line, “I remember when corn rows were cool…”. With a subject line like that, I didn’t even need to open the email. I just knew I was in for a jolly good time.

And of course there was a link, and before the link she writes “ENJOY. NOW. Don’t laugh out loud”.

DON’T LAUGH OUT LOUD?!

Clearly I immediately start laughing, even before opening the link. But unfortunately I could not stop the laughs from echoing and the tears from flowing. My co worker (haven’t heard from him in a while, huh. Well it’s only Tuesday) then is like, are you okay? We have tissues. Then proceeds to get me tissues, which is hilarious cause I wasn’t crying out of pain but SHEER JOY. The sad part is, is that I couldn’t even get through the whole link. I literally got through 1/5 of the site before I did that laugh where it all of a sudden (but in the end you knew it was going to happen) BUSTS out and scares everyone in the room.

So, now that I have built it up so much…

ENJOY. NOW. Don’t laugh at loud. Oh and, we all still love you Justin Timberlake. Everyone makes mistakes

http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/the-25-most-embarrassing-pictures-of-justin-timber

-T