The Only Straight I Am Is A Straight Up Bitch

Glee fans, anyone?

If not, I will clue you in. A character named Santana is trying to blackmail a fellow classmate into doing what she wants. Santana recently realized that she was a lesbian, so ends the scene with the amazing blog entry title:

“The only straight I am is a straight up bitch”.

While neither Taryn nor I are lesbians or straight up bitches, we have been neglecting the blog. We are sorry to all of you [3] readers, we know it is a disappointment to check and recheck a blog anxious for an update and receive nothing. For days.

In our defense, we are really really busy. Unfortunately this blog doesn’t pay enough [see: not at all] to fund our lives, so we need real lives and jobs on the side. AWFUL, I know. We are currently working on winning the lottery slash getting someone to think we are funny enough to pay us to do something else, but until that day comes we are stuck in our real people jobs.

I am mostly busy because I am trying to scrape together some semblance of a wedding by the end of August. I once read that successfully planning a wedding without a wedding planner took about 40 hours of work a week. EXCUSE ME. So not only do I work my real job for 40 hours a week, I also need to allot 40 hours to planning the most excessive day of my life. Basically I’m working CEO hours and getting McDonald’s pay. IT’S FINE.

Taryn is a big girl, and has a big girl schedule, which is just as inconvenient. Taryn does accounting of sorts, so you can imagine that this time of year would be super hectic for her. Why you ask? If you have to ask, you didn’t file your taxes, and you are currently screwed. Taryn is saving businesses and lives, so blogging time has been hard to come by.

We’ll be back soon in full force, we promise.

Maybe even today.


A [&T]


Golden Globe Recap: Because You Care

Hello Friends!

I know, it has been a stone age since we last spoke. All of my apologies, I have been preoccupied with BLIZZARD after BLIZZARD the North East has been dealing with as of late. Seriously, I shall show you:

This is the snow mountain outside of my job. Completely unnecessary. I work in the center of town, what the EFF.

Regardless. I thought I would take time out of my day to recap the Golden Globe winners vs our predictions.

Best Picture, Drama:

Our Predictions: Avalon – Inception. Taryn – The Fighter.

Winner: The Social Network. UGH. I hated it. Whatever.

Best Picture, Comedy/ Musical:

Our Predictions: Avalon- Red, Taryn- Alice in Wonderland

Winner: The Kids are Alright. I saw it, I accept.

Best Actress, Drama:

Our Predictions: Avalon- Natalie Portman, Taryn- Michelle Williams

Winner: Natalie Portman! Finally! We got one right!

Best Actor, Drama:

Our Predictions: Avalon- Ryan Gosling, Taryn- James Franco

Winner: Colin Firth. He really deserved this award, so I am pleased. Apparently we were blinded by hotness so couldn’t predict correctly.

Best Actress, Comedy:

Our Predictions: Avalon – Anne Hathaway, Taryn – Anne Hathaway

Winner: Anette Benning. I saw this movie also, and it was good, but I wasn’t sure I thought it was award winning. Apparently I was incorrect.

Best Actor, Comedy:

Our Predictions: Jake Gyllenhaal across the board. We were blinded. Again.

Winner: Paul Giamatti. Hmm.

Best TV Series, Drama:

Our Predictions: Avalon – Dexter, Taryn – Mad Men

Winner: Boardwalk Empire. We are seriously failing at this prediction bit.

Best Actor, TV Drama:

Our Predictions: Avalon – Michael C. Hall, Taryn – Jon Hamm

Winner: Steve Buschemi

Best Actress, TV Comedy:

Our Predictions: Avalon- Edie Falco, Taryn – Tina Fey

Winner: Laura Linney

Best Actor, TV Comedy:

Our Predictions: Steve Carell across the board

Winner: Jim Parsons. WHAT.

Best Animated Film:

Prediction: Avalon – Tangled, Taryn – How to Train Your Dragon

Winner: Toy Story 3. I accept.

Best Supporting Actress, TV:

Prediction: Avalon – Julia Stiles, Taryn – Sofia Vergara

Winner: Jane Lynch. A completely acceptable winner. Love her.

Best Supporting Actor, TV:

Prediction: Avalon – Eric Stonestreet, Taryn – Chris Colfer

Winner: Chris Colfer. GOOD JOB TARYN!

Best TV Series/Comedy:

Prediction: We both chose Modern Family

Winner: Glee. We love Glee too, so we will let this one slide.


There you have it folks. Our predictions side by side with the actual award winners.

Moral of the story? We seriously have no idea what we are talking about. Thank god we aren’t gamblers.


Our Golden Globe Gabfest

[Yes, that is just a random picture of Kate Winslet with a Golden Globe. I put it there because I thought it was funny. Because it is.]

Best Picture, Drama:

Black Swan, The Fighter, Inception, The King’s Speech, Social Network

Avalon: Hm. This is difficult because I have seen all of 1 of these films. I would love for The Fighter or Black Swan to win, but I think it might be Inception. UGH. I saw The Social Network and if that wins I am calling Shenanigans.
Taryn: This is extremely difficult. I saw ZERO OF THESE. Uhm. I say Fighter (due to Marky Mark, obvi). If not, Inception. Almost positive people pooped in their pants whenever that movie was brought up. I heard the King’s Speech is favored. Which is about King George (?) getting over his STUTTER. I want t-t-t-t-t-o see t-t-t-t-his.

Best Picture, Comedy/Musical:

Alice in Wonderland, Burlesque, The Kids Are All Right, Red, The Tourist

Avalon: Once again, tough because I didn’t see every single film on the list. I enjoyed The Kids Are All Right but I didn’t think it was really award material. Alice in Wonderland was also entertaining, but not that out of the ordinary. I’m going to say my guess for this category is going to be Red.
Taryn: Did I not see movies this year? I only saw Alice in Wonderland. Annd I DIDN’T enjoy. Why? Because as I child I was obsessed with the cartoon. So. Yeah. Change is hard for me when it comes to cartoon vs. live action Disney. If Burlesque wins, I’m gonna vomit.

Best Actress, Drama:

Halle Berry, Frankie and Alice; Nicole Kidman, Rabbit Hole; Jennifer Lawrence, Winter’s Bone; Michelle Williams, Blue Valentine; Natalie Portman, Black Swan.

Avalon: I’m picking Natalie Portman out of principle. I love that girl.
Taryn: I am choosing Michelle Williams, mainly because she got to make out with RyRy.

Best Actor, Drama:

Jesse Eisenberg, The Social Network; Colin Firth, The King’s Speech; James Franco, 127 Hours; Ryan Gosling, Blue Valentine; Mark Wahlberg, The Fighter.

Avalon: Oooo, a toss up. I love James Franco and I think he is genius. He is so random, but so amazing. However my pick for this category is Ryan Gosling. Although I once again, haven’t seen the movie, I already know I am going to love it.
Taryn: UGH MY THREE BOYZ ARE IN THIS. Uhm. I obviously didn’t see any of these, so it is going to be based strictly on looks/my love. I think I am going to go with James Franco. I think I love him the most. And not in a platonic way. Actually none of these would be platonic. But Ryan Gosling is just perfection. Decisions. I will hold strong with James Franco. Yep. Definitely James. (yes, I am still deciding in my head as I keep typing). Okay. Yes. Go James (but RyRy if you win, I always loved you).

Best Actress, Comedy:

Annette Bening, The Kids Are All Right; Anne Hathaway, Love and Other Drugs; Angelina Jolie, The Tourist; Emma Stone, Easy A; Julianne Moore, The Kids Are All Right;

Avalon: I am going to pick Anne. I feel like every other actress in this category played themselves in their movie. Bening was neurotic, Moore was down to earth and ginger-like, Jolie was pretty, Stone was the underdog that ended on top [pun?]. Anne Hathaway however, did not play herself. She played a young woman with Parkinson’s disease, and played the role astonishingly well.
Taryn: I obviously don’t want Angelina. ON PRINCIPLE. I agree with Anne as well. I need to see it. ALSO. She got to make out with Jake-y poo. I hope she tried to woo him away from T.Swift. I will always be Team Hathaway, if it comes down to it. Watch yo back, Taylor.

Best Actor, Comedy:

Kevin Spacey, Casino Jack; Jake Gyllenhaal, Love and Other Drugs; Johnny Depp, Alice in Wonderland; Johnny Depp, The Tourist; Paul Giamatti, Barney’s Version.

Avalon: I think we all know who I will pick. Gyllenhaal it is. Although I love me some Kevin Spacey, I really cannot escape my Gyllenhaal love. It’s blinding me.
Taryn: Jake. All the way. Hands down, pants down. I just made that up. I kind of LOVE it. .

TV Series, Drama:

Mad Men, Dexter, Boardwalk Empire, The Good Wife, The Walking Dead

Avalon: My pick is most certainly Dexter. I love this show, some might say I am addicted. I love the character development and the gripping story line. The writers convinced the audience to love a serial killer, obviously this show is genius.
Taryn: Once again watch none of these. UGH. I say Mad Men. To be different, and the guy is hot. I am almost positive if there is a hot guy in a show, that will always be my favorite. I am very shallow in that sense. I also, have zero apologies for having my opinions swayed because of said reason.

Best Actor, TV Drama:

Steve Buscemi, Boardwalk Empire; Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad; Michael C. Hall, Dexter; Jon Hamm, Mad Men; Hugh Laurie, House.

Avalon: Once again, going with Dexter. Before the current season began, Hall was battling cancer and undergoing chemotherapy. After beating the cancer Hall came back with an outstanding performance in what could be the best season of Dexter yet. His character is multi faceted and Hall subtly exhibits these depths. Hall has you believing you saw character traits you that weren’t portrayed on purpose. They are always on purpose.
Taryn: Jon Hamm, to be consistent. Hottie with a body. (Does he?)

Best Actress, TV Comedy:

Toni Collette, The United States of Tara; Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie; Tina Fey, 30 Rock; Laura Linney, The Big C; Lea Michele, Glee.

Avalon: Oh! This is so hard. For me, I am going with Edie Falco. Similar to Dexter she’s the bad-good guy. She’s a cheater and a pill popper with a heart of gold and a knack for creative medicine.
Taryn: I am NOT saying Lea. I think I might actually hate her, (and yes it’s mainly due to the story Caroline shared with us). Harsh words. But if I was in a room with Angelina Jolie, Lea Michele, Rebecca Romjin and some other girl I don’t like, I’d choose Lea to hate the most. I am going with Tina Fey. I love her. I love Date Night. I love SNL. I love 30 Rock (the three episodes I’ve watched). So yay. Go Tina!

Best Actor, TV Comedy:

Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock; Steve Carell, The Office; Thomas Jane, Hung; Matthew Morrison, Glee; Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory.

Avalon: Steve Carell. For sure. This is his last season of The Office and I think we should let him out with a bang. He brings the laughs every single week with the antics of the world’s worst [or best] boss.
Taryn: Steve Carell, for me as well. I love the thought of him going out with a bang (not literally, ew).  I’m in a weird mood. And Michael Scott is always in a weird mood. We are kin, in tv world. STILL IN A WEIRD MOOD.

Best Animated Film:

Tangled, Toy Story 3, How to Train Your Dragon, Despicable Me, The Illusionist.

Avalon: I am sorry Ladies and Gents, I am calling this one a tie. I loved Tangled, as already mentioned, and I loved Despicable Me. Both were hilarious and so different. I can’t even explain how torn I am. This is like Sophie’s Choice all over again. KIDDING.
Taryn: HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON. I effing loved that movie so effing much. If only I effing cussed. But, I do need to see Maryann do her thaaang in Tangled. Also Toy Story 3 made me cry, so mixed feelings. I don’t like to cry. I also don’t like to think about how sad my barbies are in my attic. So yes, HTTYD takes it.

Best Supporting Actress, TV:

Hope Davis, The Special Relationship; Jane Lynch, Glee; Kelly MacDonald, Boardwalk Empire; Julia Stiles, Dexter; Sofia Vergara, Modern Family.

Avalon: I am so predictable. I am going with Mz. Stiles. The last thing I saw Julia in was definitely Save the Last Dance. You saw it too, don’t lie to yourself. I loved her in that [because I was 12] so I was hesitant to see how her role, character, and acting skills would play out on the world’s greatest show. She is amazing! All my worries thrown out the window, and I spend my new found worry-free time watching her mess people up on Dexter.
Taryn: I would say Sofia Vergara, because Modern Family is awesome. HOWEVER. I am jealous at how pretty and boob-y she is, so I am going against her. I am saying Jane Lynch. I love her and her mean, cold heart. Once again, we are tv kin. Also, I loved Save the Last Dance. Obviously, I wanted to take up dance. Obviously I wanted to wear Timberlands. Obviously I got a pair. Obviously I don’t want to talk about it.

Best Supporting Actor, TV:

Chris Colfer, Glee; Chris Noth, The Good Wife; Scott Caan, Hawaii Five-o; David Strathairn, Temple Grandin; Eric Stonestreet, Modern Family.

Avalon: While I love Chris Colfer and think he is an important character, I am going with Eric Stonestreet. Eric plays Cam of Mitchell and Cam on Modern Family and they seriously make the show. They are the most amazing gay couple with the cutest child, and Eric SHINES as multi talented Cam.
Taryn: While I love Chris Colfer and think he is an important character, I am going with…joking., I do not plagiarise. I do love me some Kurt on Glee, but I love me some Cam more. Seriously, I die. I want to be his friend. I also want to see his acceptance speech.

TV Series, Comedy:

30 Rock, The Big Bang Theory, The Big C, Glee, Modern Family, Nurse Jackie

Avalon: As previously mentioned I love 30 Rock, Glee, Modern Family, and Nurse Jackie. This year however, I think the trophy err.. Globe goes to Modern Family. This show has me in stitches [do people still say that?]
Taryn: Before I choose, I would love to ask WHY ISN’T HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER ON HERE. Regardless, I choose Modern Family for me too. I am bleeding everywhere from laughing, I need some stitches. Joke too far? I don’t know. You know how I do. (Cyber high five, SMACK*)


It’s Britney Bitch

(Obviously I watch Glee) Hello lovely readers. Can I just say, I LOVE FALL. I literally love every single thing about this season, so much so, that I want to marry it. And I will now dedicate an entire post to my new spouse. Things I love about fall:

  1. It gets cold, I get to wear sweaters. Now if anyone knows me you know that I LOVE SWEATERS. I love long sleeve, short sleeve, hooded, cardigan, turtle neck…seriously. You name it, I own it, and wear it every day.
  2. I love Halloween. Like it’s a disease. I don’t love Halloween in the skanky “I’m a referee!” kind of way, I love it in a Tim Burton kind of way. I love the Nightmare before Christmas and the Corpse Bride. I love pumpkins, scarecrows and CANDY! College girls have tried really really hard to get me to hate Halloween, yet I prevailed!
  3. I love fall festivities, more than is healthy. I run around pumpkin patches like I’m seven years old at Willie Wonka’s chocolate factory. I run through leaf piles. I seek out apple orchards and pull a “The Hills are Alive”.
  4. I hate football. Live football (see: tailgating) I can handle. Wasting away the BEAUTIFUL fall days inside to watch guys touch each other? No thanks. I can do that outside.
  5. I also hate Thanksgiving. Turkey=gross. Stuffing? That even SOUNDS gross. It also looks gross, have you ever looked at it? Cranberry sauce? Disgusting. But this isn’t a hate list. It’s a love list.
  6. Seriously have you seen the leaves in New England in the fall? It’s like beauty attacking your face. But in a loving, comforting way. THIS IS A REAL PICTURE. Ugh, so beautiful.
  7. Oh yea, MY BIRTHDAY IS IN OCTOBER. I love my birthday. You might say “obviously Avalon”, but you’d be surprised. People often tell me that they hate their birthday, to which I promptly smack them in the face and walk away. BIRTHDAYS ARE AMAZING. They are an entire day dedicated solely to you! You can do whatever you want! I usually take of like 3 days for my birthday, frolick around, and make everyone I know do it with me. I eat lots of food and buy myself lots of presents. I think people who hate their birthday rely on other people to make it great. WHY??? IT’S A DAY ABOUT YOU. Make it a great day. And shut up. (sidenote: this year I get to spend it with Taryn. AGAIN. Hollaaa)
  8. There are lots of dumb holidays where you get time off, that is if you live in Massachusetts and not some sad excuse for a state (Florida). We get to bask in time off on Labor Day, Columbus Day, Thanksgiving, and usually even The Day After Thanksgiving.
  9. I love the smell of fall. You know what I’m talking about. That spicy, cinnamony, clovey, homey, comforting smell that penetrates the nostrils. Smells like a mix between pumpkin pie and spiked apple cider. I want to live in that smell (so just to review, I’m marrying fall, and we’re going to live in the smell of it).
  10. After fall, is Christmas. NUFF SAID.

And this concludes my love note to fall.

Save the Dates for our union will be arriving shortly.