Valentine’s Day: A Movie Review [Note: Not a review of the movie “Valentine’s Day”]

Hello Love Birds,

I hope everyone had a darling Valentine’s Day! Alright, in true We Love Ourselves fashion, I am going to get my hate on for a second. My hatred is surprisingly not directed towards Valentine’s Day, but in fact directed towards people who hate Valentine’s Day. Um. Get over yourselves. Growing up Valentine’s Day was about making a dumb card for EVERYONE in your class and then separating the ones with candy from the ones with no candy. We should be over that by now. Haters of VDay often say things like “It is a made up holiday”, “You should love your significant other EVERY day, not just one day in February”, or my favorite “Couples suck”. Oh I’m sorry, you’re right, a day dedicated to love is BLASPHEMY. We can celebrate St. Patrick’s Day when all anyone does is drink regardless of their Irish status, but a day of LOVE is made up and ridiculous? OH OKAY. I will admit, yes, you should love your significant other every day of the year, but Vday is a nice time to go that extra mile to show appreciation and affection. If your significant other only shows love on Vday, then you have another problem entirely. Ahh, the old “couples suck” excuse. Last time I checked the average person loves people who they aren’t dating. For example, I brought my mother a bag of truffles for Vday and babysat my younger sister, BECAUSE I LOVE THEM. Do I often buy my mother chocolate? Yes. Do I often spend time with my sister? Yes. Is it nice to appreciate and be appreciated? Yes. SUCK IT UP AND SPREAD THE LOVE.

Sorry about that.

Because we’re 97 years old the roommate fiancée and I decided to go to the movies at 1:15pm on Valentine’s Day. You heard me. Given or lackluster choices we settled on Just Go With It because we both felt fondly for Adam Sandler and it was definitely a better choice than The Roommate [although possibly not a better choice than Never Say Never…].

All in all, I enjoyed this movie. Was it the best movie I ever saw? Of course not. Was my $5.25 matinée ticket well spent? I think so.

Adam Sandler plays a successful plastic surgeon who is getting his playa playa on in the dating community by pretending he is married. He attracts women by weaving a story placing him as the victim and his faux wife as some sort of abuser [genius, actually]. Jen Aniston plays his practical single mother receptionist, whom Sandler trusts as a BFFL. Suddenly Sandler is swept off his feet by a young [DUMB] blonde Brooklyn Decker, and he wants to put away his fake wedding ring for life…until she finds it. Sandler’s web of lies gets larger and begins to encompass Aniston and Aniston’s children. Will it get out of control? Will Decker find out? Is Dave Matthews really in the movie? All of these questions are answered in the film, shocking, I know.

This movie was actually enjoyable mostly due to the relaxed nature and on-screen chemistry between Sandler and Aniston. The jokes were repetitive but appreciated, and there were definitely a few laugh out loud moments. I distinctly remember my roommate fiancée laughing WAY too loud when someone’s hand gets pooped on. Yea…But don’t let that deter you from seeing it. See this movie if you are seeking a break from trying to figure out how to file your taxes and are in need of a mindless, happy, and enjoyable comedy.

SPOILER ALERT:

Dave Matthews is actually in this movie.

-A

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I’m Just Messing With Your Head Now: A Movie Review on a MONDAY!

Hello my friends!

Apparently we are supposed to get a snowstorm like whoa on Tuesday evening. Fingers crossed this is a real storm and not the pathetic displays of winter we have seen thus far. A real snowstorm would mean a real snowday for me at work. ARE YOUR FINGERS CROSSED?

Last night I  went on a double date with my roommate fiancée and his parents. Yes I know, you’re so jealous. As we sat down in our small town local indie theater I immediately began snacking on my popcorn with organic butter. YUP.

Before the movie began I witnessed a girlfight. Two women around the age of 80 were sitting behind me YELLING to each other about various things. Another group of women around the same age sitting next to them eventually got up and moved down a few seats. One of the loud women inquired “Oh I’m sorry are we talking too loud?”. One of the angry relocated women simply turned her head and let out a very stern “SHHHHHHH”. Ooooo disss!

Anyway, we were in the midst of old lady fights for The King’s Speech.

This movie is by far the best I have seen this year. Yes, I have only seen probably three movies but that is neither here nor there. Earlier Taryn and I discussed the Golden Globe nominations and our predicted outcome, you can find that entry here. I basically want to change all my predictions to reflect how much I enjoyed The King’s Speech.

Generally I have the attention span of a five year old, and this is always apparent at the movies. Usually about 55 minutes into the movie I am ready for it to be over. During The King’s Speech I didn’t look at the time once, and to my surprise 2 hours had gone by.

This film is not only about a King it is also about friendship, trust, the basis of relationships and the heavy burden that is family. Colin Firth stars as King George the VI who suffers from a nerves induced stammer that prohibits him from successful public speaking. in the film Firth sees a slew of physicians who try to cure him of his impediment but to no avail. Finally at the recommendation of his wife played by Helena Bonham Carter, Firth agrees to see one more specialist. The new and quirky specialist Lionel Logue played by Geoffrey Rush is endearing and very clever. Firth is also amazing and his witty subtleties inject humor into this otherwise dramatic movie.

The most fascinating part of this movie has to be the cultivation of relationships. There is no action, very little serious drama, and no steamy moments to fill up space like most movies have. The King’s Speech is simply a portrait of human nature and connection and the success of both.

Verdict: Go see it. SERIOUSLY.

-A

Sunday, Lazy Sunday: A Belated Movie Review

Hello Darlings,

Apparently I am still recovering from my amazing mini vacation/New Year’s Eve because I am slacking like a middle school boy on these blog posts. Fear not dear readers, because I am back.

Like every other Tuesday, this week I went to the movies. Like I’ve said time and time again, I LOVE THE MOVIES. This particular time was bittersweet because my dear friend and constant movie companion Laurel was bidding her farewell. Naturally, we said our goodbyes over a movie. The movie we chose was the new eye candy/drama The Fighter.

Looks intense right? Well, it was.

Synopsis:

A fighter Mickey Ward tries to follow in his older brothers shoes and find success in the boxing ring. Set in Lowell, Massachusetts the Ward family represents the typical low-income bad ass irish family that makes amazing movies [The Departed, Gone Baby Gone, Good Will Hunting, The Town…]. Mickey is on his last leg of youth trying to make it big while being held down by his drug addict brother and his alcoholic awful mother. Mickey finds solace in his daughter, his awesome trashy Amy Adams girlfriend, and fighting. After one mismatched boxing match Mickey is injured and ready to throw his fighting career away.

The characters and the acting in this film were phenomenal, so much so that I am seeing an Oscar nod or two in its future. Remember that.

Mark Wahlberg shows that there is more to his existence than his Marky Mark days and seriously amazing abs. Seriously amazing. His character was interesting to watch and easy to relate to. He spent much of his brain power fighting over putting himself or his family first.

Amy Adams finally didn’t play an innocent slightly prissy role, in fact she played the opposite. As Mickey’s girlfriend she was a cursing bar tender with a small drinking problem. According to an interview she wasn’t allowed to work out during this movie because they wanted her a little fleshy to me more realistic. Shove it Amy, you looked great.

In my opinion, the most amazing acting was done by Christian Bale. In an earlier post I let you all know that Mr. Bale was my first childhood crush as Laurie in the movie  Little Women. Still cannot believe Jo let him go… whatever. Bale plays a drug addict ex-fighter and he knocks the part out of the park. He lost massive amounts of weight for the role and his gaunt face really does add shock value to his performance. Considering Bale’s last role was Batman in The Dark Knight the body transformation that had to happen was nothing short of extreme. Bale’s performance is infuriating and heartbreaking all at once, which is truly the magic of character building.

In short, go see this movie. It was worth the 2 hours I had to sit still and much more.

-A

Still Not Tuesday: Another Movie Review

Hello My Sugar Plum Fairies,

I know I am really throwing you off here, but I went to the movies again…NOT ON A TUESDAY. I know, I know, I am breaking all sorts of cheapskate rules. This particular Monday was a special occasion, allowing me to look past the fact that it was not Tuesday [because Tuesdays are FIVE DOLLAR MOVIE DAYS at our theater].

Laurel was leaving me. That’s right. My beloved friend and local partner in crime was departing our sleepy town for the real world. What a bitch. KIDDING!

We decided to go to the movies at 1:30 in the afternoon, because that’s normal. This time choice ALSO made it so my ticket price was only 75 cents more than on FIVE DOLLAR TUESDAYS. CA CHING.

Without a bat of an eye, we chose the steamy chick flick Love and Other Drugs.

Now let me break this down for you, I LOVE Jake Gyllenhaal. We are literally in love, minus the participation on his side. Minor details. When I was in 6th grade we watched October Sky in class, and I had to excuse myself from the rockets to sit in the hall and make a love scrap book of JG’s face. But seriously, this is where my love began. I was INFATUATED. So, basically for ten years JG has been my main man. Sometimes he falls to top 10, but usually he is in my top 5, because I love him so. He also seems like he would be nice AND funny, which also adds to it for me. I love me a good personality. [Watch this, listen to the lyrics about my man, and pay attention at 2:50… UGH SO FUNNY!]

But I digress.

Stop reading now, if you don’t want me to tell you too much about the movie. Go read something else.

Basically, this movie was really sad.

In the beginning you watch JG get his flirt on hard enough to lose his job. Like a classic manipulative person, JG then finds himself in sales- pharmaceutical sales to be precise. After putting in his hard work, he ends up meeting Ann Hathaway’s character Maggie on a chance. After she beats him, he decides he really likes her, and POSSIBLY doesn’t just want to womanize the crap out of her.

This is a little bit of a spoiler, but Maggie is incurably sick and is very cautious and a little bitter. She spends a good part of the movie trying to only use JG for sex [how could you!?] while he is trying to wife her up, hard.

Watch this movie if you fall into any of the following categories:

A). You haven’t seen Jake Gyllenhaal naked

B). You haven’t seen Anne Hathaway naked

C). You want to learn more about pharmaceutical companies and how they are secretly running your life

D). You miss the good old days of sobbing in a Nicholas Sparks movie, and you want so adult drama to ruin the rest of your day

I am going to start rating my movie reviews, and I give this one ♥♥♥ out of five. See it if you feel inclined, don’t go out of your way to do so. Unless you love him like I love him.

Seriously, you are WELCOME for this review. It is a miracle I even saw any of this movie given how distracting Mr. Gyllenhaal was.

-A

 

Wingardium Leviosa

So last night I went with the roommate fiance to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

Oh, but it’s never that simple.

In case you have been living on a mountain in a cave under a rock, I will let you know that Harry Potter is a big deal. People go ape shit over this nerdy boy and his prissy wand [yes, I am now receiving hate mail]. Admittedly I enjoy a little HP here and there. I read the books [except #7] and I’ve seen all the movies one way or another. To be perfectly honest, I’ve read books that are more well written and/or more creative but there is something catchy about the accessibility and the easy read Mizz Rowling offers.

REGARDLESS.

The roommate fiance’s dad developed a tradition in the family that involves attending the opening night of all Harry Potter movies. While in theory this is adorable, opening night means movies starting at midnight, several hours past my elderly bed time. This particular time we were meeting the rest of the soon-to-be-in-laws at the theater for 9:30 pm. Thankfully “dad” had been there since three in the afternoon.

You heard me.

Keep in mind that roommate fiance’s parents are legitimate people. They both have full time consuming important jobs and they love the extracurriculars. I can only hope to be them some day with the determination and the stamina to go to a movie at midnight and get home at three in the morning.

You heard me.

Now after standing in line [just to get good seats mind you, we’ve had tickets since september…] for an hour, we finally were let into the theater. An hour and a half early. Let’s just say I ate WAY. TOO. MUCH. POPCORN.

I began this post with the intention of giving you a movie review, although after some very minor consideration I think I will skip that part [mostly so all you weirdos don’t come after me for spoiling it for you. Um here’s something to consider, you ALREADY READ THE BOOK. You know what happens. BAM. Ruined.]

I will instead take a second to talk about the kind of people who wait in line for hours, buy their tickets months in advance, and carry wands around a mall like it’s normal. Now, I am all for enthusiasm [is she?] but their is really no need to get obnoxious.

Obnoxious things I witnessed lat night:

1. People in full costume. Call me a debbie downer but I don’t appreciate costumes on any day but October 31st.

2. Singing of the Harry Potter theme song. Number one, I didn’t even know there WAS a Harry Potter theme song. Number two, waiting in line is bad enough I shouldn’t be forced to listen to your group of friends murder a tune. Number three, stop.

3. Running. Seriously, you need to RUN to the theater?!

4. Reading. People were READING the book AT the movie theater. Um, if you haven’t finished it yet, you are clearly not a real fan.

5. People yelling in the theater. This is not exclusive to Harry Potter time. I hate when people are with a group and they think that they have some sort of power in numbers and it is alright to yell.

6. Feigned surprise. It was pretty apparent that I was one of maybe 3 people in that theater who had yet to read the last HP book. However you would never know if you were basing your judgement on the reactions of the crowd. REALLY? CRYING IS NECESSARY? YOU KNEW THEY WERE GOING TO DIE!

7. Crowd participaton. At one point in the film Ron and Hermoine fell asleep almost holding hands. This seemed to be a secret cue to make the most obnoxious “how adorable” noise one could muster. Get a life, hand holding shouldn’t be that titillating.

You heard me.

6. Clapping. Alright, I know I am not alone in this one. Do not clap in a movie. The actors can’t hear you. The directors can’t hear you. And I that even the people running the movie can’t hear you.

Now that the complaining is out of the way…it was actually a pretty good movie.

-A

A movie review. I know it’s Saturday. AM I THROWING YOU OFF?!

So, on this beautiful crisp Saturday morning I decided to rip my own eyeballs out.

Just kidding!

But seriously, I decided to watch “Sleeping with the Enemy” starring Julia Roberts circa 1991 [I was 4]. I was perusing Netflix and I happened upon a J. Roberts movie I had never seen. It honestly felt like I won the jackpot. As previously mentioned, I LOVE JULIA ROBERTS. This particular movie had evaded me, all this time.  While deciding to watch the movie, somehow I managed to avoid all the hints telling me not to watch.

Only three stars? SO WHAT.

Naked in a bathtub on the cover? WE ALL TAKE BATHS NAKED.

She looks super freaked out on the cover? COLD WATER FREAKS ME OUT TOO.

I should have noticed.

 

 

The movie begins with a picturesque beach and a gorgeous Roberts clam digging, in clam diggers.

Her husband comes out to visit, and oh my gosh, was that a flicker of a frown on her face? Why would she be frowning? She is on the beach, she lives in a mansion, she is beautiful, and her husband is decent (besides that ‘stache). Ooo the questions.

The movie carries on. As Roberts is primping in front of the mirror in their mansion, the husband comes by and let’s it slip that he would prefer her in a black dress. In the next scene the couple is at a party and she has changed into a black dress.

At this point, I’m thinking Mah Gurl is a pushover. Oh you prefer the black dress? Then you wear it. Yes, that is what I would have said [not really].

Next scene. Husband is on the dock talking to some rando guy tying his boat up. The guy admires the Husband’s beautiful house, and inquires if that woman in the window is his wife. They continue to chat, and set up a sailing date, despite the fact that JR can’t swim.

Husband comes inside, asks Julia why she makes long distance eyes at the boat guy, and then slaps her in the face with the strength of Iron Man [yes, that is why she changed her dress].

Long story short, she devises a crazy plan, and escapes from the mansion on the beach to Iowa.

THIS ALL HAPPENED A HALF HOUR INTO THE MOVIE. What else could possibly happen?!

Husband thinks she’s dead, she found a cute little house to rent, and the next door neighbor in the new town is adorable. Life is good.

Then Husband gets a call from a lady as follows:

“We can’t stop thinking about how much we miss Laura”

“And how did you know her?”

“Oh we had swimming class with her at the YWCA” [who knew that existed?]

“You must be mistaken, she didn’t know how to swim. She drowned.”

“Oh no, she learned! She wanted to branch out from gymnastics, where she got all those awful bruises from”

Cue Husband going apeshit.

He finds out she isn’t dead, and essentially raises your blood pressure for the next hour. I fast forwarded.

[That is how you can tell a movie is really stressful, if I fast forward it. I cannot handle suspense, although I love it, so sometimes I really need to just cut to the chase.]

The movie has an amazing 90s suspenseful music soundtrack, as well as some hilarious camera angles. It does a decent job of stressing you out, and if somehow you made it almost 20 years without someone telling you the ending, you will be on the edge of your seat.

[side note: it upsets me 1991 was almost 20 years ago, I think I am going to go vomit]

Basically, you should see this movie if you liked Enough.

NOBODY BEATS JULIA ROBERTS AND GETS AWAY WITH IT.

-A

[sorry this was so disjointed, I’m still panicking]

But it’s Not Tuesday: Another movie review

Seriously, I have a problem.

Although I didn’t actually get off of the couch to go to the movies, I definitely watched one.

Fun fact about me, I LOVE PREVIEWS. I throw a hissy fit if we get to the movies late and I have missed all the previews. I go to apple.com and watch all the new trailers added each day. As mentioned earlier, I have a problem. Previews are like the best of both worlds for me. I LOVE movies and I have the shortest attention span on the face of the earth, making previews a win-win.

But I digress.

After about two seconds of deliberation I decided to utilize my Watch Instantly feature on Netflix (best thing ever) and settle in for Breaking Upwards.

I swear I am not a hipster, but something draws me to these hipster-esque love stories. I loved Away We Go, Lars and The Real Girl, and It’s Kind of a Funny Story, just to name a few. These movies literally tear out pieces of my heart.

Breaking Upwards opens on an awkward couple having awkward sex. Ever since I hit 22 years old, I cannot handle sex scenes or making out in movies. I don’t know why, but it grosses me out. The awkward couple turn out to be the protagonists, known as Zoe and Daryl. The first few scenes show the audience how the couple lives; in cramped quarters, barely communicating, in the thriving city of New York.

Most of the dialogue commences when Zoe tells Daryl she’s a little bored after the 4 years they have spent together, and they should work something out. Daryl is sad, but agrees to Zoe’s suggestion that they take “days off” from their relationship. Half the week they spend hanging out per usual, the other half of the week they spend isolated from one another: no contact. They sit down, set up some rules and some goals they are hoping to achieve by spending a little time apart. They want to gain independence by splitting up Gchat, the park, yoga, and Whole Foods.

Their relationship is flawed, but poignant and heartbreaking to watch. You witness them both attempt to regain their identities as independent people. The characters of both Zoe and Daryl are so well developed, that it is easy to forget you are watching a movie. You become personally invested in their quest to work things out, and you watch with fear as they each try new things and new people.

The emotions in this film were so raw it is hard to believe that it wasn’t a jazzed up documentary. The smiles are so sincere, the quirkiness so unplanned, the tears so spot on. The audience watches the couple try so hard to resist their separation and cling to their relationship.

The supporting cast is phenomenal. The mothers of both main characters almost steal the show with their genuine performance. The mothers are distraught over the possibility of  the relationship ending, and they take out their dismay on their respective children. The 2 scenes or so that their friends in are also hilarious, and true to the friendship dynamic of our 20-something generation today. I do think that appreciating these characters is generational, because their issues and dialogue ring true to our generation the most.

For the purpose of this blog entry, I googled the movie and found its website. I read through it quickly, and I believe that Zoe and Daryl were a real couple, which resounds well with my aforementioned review.  Apparently, Zoe and Daryl co-wrote the movie and the starred in it as a result of a relationship “experiment” [their words, not mine].

This movie left me so heartbroken, I am feeling it still days later. Watch this movie if you’re in the mood for a real representation of a 20-something relationship.

Or just pull a Taryn [and Laurel] and watch Life as We Know It. Screw real relationships, we want impossible situations with multi-faceted actress Katherine Heigl. Of course.

-A

Side note: They are together in real life, going on six years.

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