Yesterday I did not have internet connection. It was terriboo (said in British accent. It’s fun. Try it). I had my whole day planned..I was going to work for a bit, get my Glee on, work a little more, then watch more Glee. It was going to be spectacular! Then at around 11:01, my day came crumbling down. True I got to go to Panera, where I received a free cup of soup (I know, always a silver lining), but still. Even if I was a good worker and didn’t use internet as a work distraction, I needed my work email! I am a VIP in the accounting world. Really. Ha, not. Regardless. I am baaaaack! My Mozilla is fired up and making moves. Loves it.
So I know I already had a Valentine’s Day post, but I felt the need to make ANOTHER. And this post I’d like to dedicate it to a beloved friend of both Avalon and I. That person would be our resident gay, who goes by the name of Clayton. Errrr I mean, David. Oh, confused are we? Let me take y’all back to a mere 368 days ago (February 14, 2010 for those of us who haven’t had our caffeine kick in yet).
It was a brisk (I don’t actually remember the temp) morning in Florida, when Kasey and I heard someone at the door. We OBVIOUSLY didn’t answer, because we both had our pajamas still on and didn’t feel like talking to people. So we muted the tv (we’re crazy) and waited til they were gone to run to the window and see who it was. And, LO AND BEHOLD, it was 1-800-Flowers.
Uhm. We both were single and had zero prospects. Well, I shouldn’t say that. I am sure we had a few prospects, but they wouldn’t have had the balls (sorry mom) to send us flowers. So we got the flowers and they were addressed to yours truly. My first thought was, oh it’s from my mom! To which Kasey was like, uhm hi I would’ve gotten some too. I was wracking my head trying think…Avalon? Mike (ex, ew)? The list stopped there, because there honestly was no reason for anyone else to send me flowers.
So then Kasey and I put our heads together to try and figure it out. We came up with…OPEN THE BOX/CARD. That’s right. We hadn’t even done that yet. We really are smart, I promise.
We then open the box to find a BEAUTIFUL bouquet of red roses. They were lovely. And I was really fascinated with 1-800-Flowers, since my flowers weren’t even a little bit dead looking. ANYWAYS. Open up the card and it says, and I quote, ” Dear Mom, Happy Valentines Day. Love, David”.
Uhm. Okay?
Not only am I NOT a mom, but I wouldn’t name my child David.
So since the whole “open-the-box-and-see-who-they’re-from-idea” was a waste (not to mention, I am now worried that I didn’t get flowers and they were delivered to the wrong house ) I am back at square one. Quick side note: the wrong delivery thing could have actually happened, because my next door neighbor has a son named David… I was seriously so confused. I thought about waltzing over to my neighbors house (awkward, thank goodness I didn’t). The only thing stopping me was that on the box it had MY NAME, and MY ADDRESS, and MY CELL PHONE. So I am like, IT OBVIOUSLY IS FOR ME.
So I then call my mom. She has no idea what is going on. So my next thought is Avalon, who is at work. I call, tell her my dilemma. And she is like, it was Clayton!
Pfew! Everything is now making sense! A part of me was somehow relived there wasn’t some secret admirer I had out in the world. Creepy.
After the “mystery” is solved, I call up my mom to tell her I figured it out and she is all like, That is so nice! Ya know you should call 1-800-Flowers and tell them they messed up. Clayton paid money for it to be right. Try and get free flowers!
My mom is actually the best type of consumer out there…she tells you when you mess up, and doesn’t bad mouth the company. AND WILL ALWAYS try and get something for free in return ha. Love it. She called and got me a free Line Jumper pass for Disney. Hells yes.
Anyways, I do as I am told and call 1-800-Flowers. A nice young man answers the phone (which I was surprised considering it’s Valentines Day. I assumed I’d be on hold forever). I tell him what happened and prefaced it with, BUT I KNOW WHO SENT IT SO DON’T FEEL BAD. I mainly wanted to call to let David and his mom (who?) know there was a mix up. The man was really nice and we were about to get off the phone when he is like, oh would you like to know what YOUR card said? So I was like, oh. SURE!
This is the part of the story that kills me. Everytime. (And I do apologize, I don’t remember it word for word. I didn’t have time to take it all in, out of sheer embarrassment)
The man starts out, “My dearest Taryn…. You are so beautiful (that might’ve been made up, bahaha). Whenever I look into your eyes, it is like looking into the ocean. I hate that one day your heart will break when you see me walking hand and hand with another man. I will always love you” and at this point I am laughing and crying and embarrassed. Idk why I was embarrassed. It’s the same feeling I would get when people would read what I wrote in their yearbooks in front of me, out loud. It also at this point when the man stops and goes, “…I will always love, and I guess it’s pronounced, Ma-Why-Uh?”. And I am on the other line going, yep Mawiah. Thank you! (aka get me off the phone). And he is like, “Welp. That was weird. Have a good day!” click.
I die.
Welp, that was weird!
Also just a little behind the scenes action: The first time I met Clayton I was visiting Avalon and we watched a Barbara Walters (Baba Wawa) special with Mariah Carey (Mawiah Cawey). The whole entire segment was hysterical. We still quote it. “Mawiah, you awre a suhvivah”, “Mawiah, is it twue youwr sista was a pwostitute?”. We die. Seriously.
Anyways, needless to say it was the BEST Valentine’s Day Ever! Clayton will forever be my David. And I will forever be his mom. (creepy? no). Probably one of the best parts of this WHOLE situation, is that fact that David’s mom got that card. And is reading and thinking, is my son gay? Who is Mawiah? My eyes aren’t blue!
Loves you Clayton!
-Mom (aka T)
We Love Ourselves 