Halloween: from ladybugs to naughty nurses

When I was younger I was obsessed with Halloween, because seriously, who wasn’t. I would lie in bed like a crazy, thinking of my costume and about a thousand alternatives. I was also super pumped about the candy aspect… oh the candy. As I’ve mentioned, my mother deprived me of the finer things in life (media, sugar, etc) so Halloween was like a field day for me. I would be shaking in my boots at the end of the trick-or-treating evening, just anticipating the amount of candy I got to eat (after my mother inspected every single piece and threw away all the lollipops).

I remember my early elementary years I was a witch (with a green face), Morticia Adams (with a white face), a Flamenco dancer (because I loved castanets), and leftovers (just wrapped in saran rap). Then, the unavoidable shift happened.

In 7th grade, one of my older friends suggested we go as the Pink Ladies from Grease. I’m not going to say that I was probably planning on going as a green faced witch again but, I was planning on going as a green-faced witch again. Wanting to belong to my skankerfic friendship circle (jk, they aren’t skanky) I literally begged my mother to buy me the costume. She finally gave in (which is against her nature) and I got the costume, proud to fit in.

Then I took a hiatus from Halloween, because let’s face it: when you’re 14 you are too cool for celebrating holidays. I sat around for the next few years, watching scary movies on October 31st and handing out candy to versions of my younger self (except not as cute, obviously).

Once I got over myself I decided to get back into the Halloween/costume game. I was a junior in high school, and suddenly all the former ghosts, witches, and princesses were now french maids, referees, and police women.

I was a zebra.

The next year?

A Butterfly. (literally what my costume looked like, I was 18)

The next year?

A cat.

The next?

A scarecrow.

Somehow in my younger years I missed out on the “feel okay about dressing like a stripper for Halloween” memo. Even as I was a “reckless” college student (I have never been reckless) I couldn’t bring myself to wear the skankalicious outfits I saw around me.

Also, these costumes are all around incorrect.

#1. French maid costume..

Real French maid…

#2. Referee costume…

Real Referee…

#3. Policewoman costume…

Real Policewoman..

See? Costumes are misleading.

And yes, I know that I don’t really look like a butterfly, Morticia Adams, or a cat. But at least I was fully clothed and warm.

In this week’s episode of Parenthood (watch that show) a six year old girl wants to be Miss California for Halloween. In spite of her mother’s explanation of women’s advancements through history, the six year old is set on being a pageant queen, while her mother pulls together a BAD ASS Amelia Earhart costume. Kudos, fictional mother, Kudos.  (Side note: does anyone remember Kudos bars?! Do those still exist??)

What happened to the candy and the gross costumes?! Why are we stuck with possible nip slips and watered down drinks?

CAN WE PLEASE BRING BACK TRICK OR TREATING?!

-A