Bowling SUCKS

Hello faithful friends.

Today I found myself sitting at work, not doing any work [this is normal], and reading PerezHilton.com [also normal]. One of his entries today represented a little photo journalism covering the date between Vanessa Hudgens and Josh Hutchenson or whatever, who cares, no one knows who he is. After seeing this ridiculous post I began to wonder a la Carrie Bradshaw why famous people go bowling. Is it an attempt to bring them back to a simpler time when they couldn’t just fly to another country when they were bored? Are they forgetting that they probably in fact have their own bowling alley in their basement that they haven’t found yet because their house is so massive?

Regardless of their reasoning, they are unaware or possibly forgetting that bowling sucks. IT SUCKS. In case you need some convincing, I’ve laid it all out for you. In list form, obviously.

#1. It seems so easy, yet it is not. You watch people do it, roll a round ball, down a straight alley, knock down pins. Easy enough right? WRONG. IF IT WERE EASY, THERE WOULDN’T BE LEAGUES. Bowling is NOT easy, and the fact that it isn’t is the main reason why it sucks so badly. Bowling should be, by all reasoning easy, so when finds that they ended a game with a score of 75/300 it is extremely frustrating.

#2. Bowling is gross. The shoes, the balls, disgusting. Once in your RENTED bowling shoes your feet immediately start sweating through your socks, allowing a conductor [sweat] to transfer all germs in the shoe onto your feet. The holes in the balls [yup] have been touched my hundreds of people before you. There are probably colonies of bacteria living in bowling balls that haven’t even been discovered yet.

#3. It’s too easy to cheat. Any game that can be turned on its head by a few sly computer entries is flawed.

#4. Bowling injuries suck. Because you probably aren’t used to bowling, when you actually go you can bet your body hates you. Never does your body encourage you to throw 15 pound balls with one arm over and over again.

#5. Oh the Shame. Jim Gaffigan knows what I’m talking about, and he’s right. The absolute worst part about bowling is having to turn around after you just threw your ball into the next lane and face the semi-sympathetic faces of your friends. You’ll get a “good try!” or “you’ll nail it next time” when in reality you just want to spike the bowling ball on the ground and go get a drink.

Basically bowling sucks, but Vanessa Hudgens probably just thought bowling night would be a good addition to her weekly routine. You know, after Sneaker Night.

-A

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